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Welcome to the stories of my life...

I just want to humbley welcome and thank all of those that take the time to read what I write..Idon't have a particular theme at any given time...just write what I feel compelled to write at the time...Please if you read my blogs ..leave a comment..I would love to know what you think...thanks again and enjoy the journey....

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I'm beginning to become one of those people that does not look forward to Christmas..I am thinking of enjoying the day by kids just are starting to get on my nerves..2 are always fighting over ridiculous things..the tradition is that we all come to Grandmoms house (thats me) for Christmas..Thanksgiving is already like that..they do their own things with their own families and I get to just chill for the day...I'm thankful for that..but Christmas is a time for all 6 of the youngest grandchildren to get together..I try to get them together throughout the year for an overnight pizzas party at my house..we all live within a 15 mile radius of one another..but ya know life gets in the way sometimes and we dont always have the means or time to get them together more often...

Right now my 2 daughters are fighting..which isn't relly anything new ..and the youngest is stubborn and holds a grudge who knows if they will ever speak to each other again...maybe at my funeral..this happened 2 years ago and my oldest daughter and her family did not come to my house that year..that sucked...not sure what will happen this year...

Think I will cancel Christmas at grandmoms this year..the house isnt ready..I'm not ready..oh Christmas is still the birth of Jesus Christ and I will honor it as such...will send gifts to family...thats what most of it is about to some...will keep you posted on the events that occur from now until then...21 more days from today...

Monday, November 22, 2010

This Thanksgiving is off Kilter...

Thanksgiving is in 3 days..Not the same as it ever was this year..When I was growing up Thanksgiving was always at my grandmother and grandfathers house..(on my mothers side)..We could have been a Rockwell painting..there was the 5 of us and my grandmom and Uncle Alley ..who was my grandmothers brother who lived with them..and for awhile thats who was there..then as we grew up and had significant others and children it grew to 13 sometimes 15 of us...we had a great time..we would all purposely not eat a big breakfast..just a little something to hold us over ..cause we would be smelling food all day long...thats what we loved..and there was so much mom and my grandmom always did the cooking together and me and my brother Barry did dishes..sometimes I would wash and my mom would dry or my grandmom...would clean up the kitchen and then go into the living room...the adults would watch Lawrence Welk and the kids would play games...the old traditional games..Candy Land, chutes and ladders, tiddly winks, play cards...then we would get ready and go home...

Things are so different now..grandmom and grandpop are mom never carried on the tradition..I did with my kids and theirs for a few years..then we all decided that on Thanksgiving each family would do their own thing..whether it was having dinner at their own homes or going to friends homes or the family of their significant others...but this year everything is out of daughters are fighting and my sons had an youngest son and his girlfriend broke up in May and his children will be spending most of the day with their mom and her family...I am going to my youngest daughters home to help her sort thru a lot of clothes and just spend a few days..shes a vegtetarian so as far as turkey I'm not sure whats going on oldest daughter is hosting dinner this year but not for us ...for the other side of the family I guess...I know it will be a birthday party for my grandson Davion who just turned 6 included in there..I'm getting him and Gabbie (his sister, my granddaughter) pillow pets..wanted to have them for the 15th...his real birthdate..but that didnt work out..cause the stores that sell them dont sell all of them and I need the turtle and the unicorn....My oldest son who lives with me will stay home thats the plan ...lets see how this plays out...Christmas is another story...tradition is no matter what ..everyone comes to my oldest daughter and her family missed it a few years ago cause the girls were fighting them too...whats a mother to do?? so for Christmas will keep ya posted on that one...can't wait to experience this one...Happy Holidays!!!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Happy 81st Birthday Dad...R.I.P Miss you

This is one of the times of the year when I think about my dad the most..His birthday often fell on Thanksgiving..tomorrow will be his birthday. Thursday will be Thanksgiving..

Miss you dad...wish you were still here..You left way to young...only 2 1/2 years older than I am right now..Kind of puts that in perspective..What would you have been like at would have gotten to know my kids more...and probably Barry's kids too...we havent spoken in eight years..I know you don't like that..but he is stubborn so the rest of our lives will go on without knowing each other in our older years..such a shame how things go sometimes..and all for nothing..a misunderstanding..false accusations..but I've had to accept this and go on..Mom doesn't keep in touch..she's always been distant with all 3 of us...I wonder whos thinking of you today..if I had a way I would come visit your resting place...which will be my resting place one day..hopefully not for a long long time..I just have some health issues I have to handle..I am working on them...quit smoking 2 years ago..retired from the Po..about 7 years ago..for health reasons..but I have so much I want to do . . so I really need to handle some things in order to be able to do them..I have a new candy invention I want to work on too..maybe be like Famous Amos and become a sensation...set my family up for life..still playing your know the one you always played...I haven't won on it yet ...but I won't give up just like you didn't..odds are it has to come out in a lifetime..just hope its when I've played it..I salute you when I win...what am I grateful for?? I'm grateful that i had such a wonderful, perfect father..I dont have any horror stories to look back beatings, I dont evern remember you ever really hollering at me..I was a good kid...wonder why mom never liked me...I think its cause you and I got along so well..remember how that used to be said way back in the day...I have the best childhood memories, sunday rides to the country, picking dandelion and going home and eating it in the salad for dinner...I remember you hunting..I remember going with you one time..I remember riding with you in your milk truck...I remember how you always loved the dogs we had..tubby, pepper, pleto, my cat Marbles..who got squashed in the intersection at 4th and Line and I had to see him on my way home from school...think someone could have cleaned him up so no kid had to see that..there was the school a block away...I will continue tomorrow..thank you for the best life ever..because of you dad I am who I am..You always told me I was beautiful and that I could be Miss America if I wanted to're still the best in my heart...Good Night...Happy Birthday dad....Brenda...

Monday, November 15, 2010

Happy Birthday Little're six today!!

Hey Dude,,,

Today is your 6th birthday...I wish for you the very happiest , funnest , bestest day ever...did the kids in school know it was your birthday?? were you shy when someone said Happy Birthday to you? or did you give them one of those famous smiles of really is the cutest...anyway grandmom just wanted to say I wish you a Happy Happy Birthday...

Makes us take a look back only a few short years ago...did you have issues and I can't believe how far you've come..You had and still have every allergy (almost) known to drank the nastiest formula in the universe...the smell was horrible so I know the taste was too...but you drank it..and the foods you can and can't eat and the countless amount of creams and lotions and the hours your mom spent in caring for just astronomical...(mom will tell you what that

I want you to know that I love you very much and I am so proud of you..for being a good boy..for doing good in school and for taking care of yourself by knowing the foods and drinks you can and cannot have..Hopefully my prayer is that one day you will outgrow many of these obstacles...if not then you will just handle your business..that much I know..can't wait to see you and your sister...we'll have to have a Grandmom Pizza Pajama party over the holidays...Love you Little Man..

Love always,

Sunday, November 14, 2010


Its just one of those days...where I had to question what my purpose is! I spose I've done that before but I cried this time..I sobbed...held my head and cried real tears...I was serious and sad...I don't exactly know what my purpose is...I've worked, I've raised my kids.,. I should be doing something now..I can't walk real good..I use a cane and have a walker that a friend gave me ...used to be her mothers..knees crack when I get up...and I have to get up at least 6 or more times during the night to pee... sometimes I don't make it all the way..cause it takes me so long to get there..In reality its only 12 steps away from my bedroomm..but I'm out of breath by the time I get there...then I have to make it back...don't want to live like this the rest of my life..I'm still very young and there are many things I want to do...I want to go to the zoo...I want to walk around the mall..I want to go to an amusement park and eat cotton candy again...go to the shore...and not in a wheel chair or with a walker...where I have to sit and rest every ten steps...I really serve no purpose any are busy with their lives...they keep in touch and help take care of me..but they don't need me anymore...I know theres something in this life that I can be of service to..I just have no idea what or where it is...wish I would have one of those lightbulb moments Oprah talks about...don't think I ever really had one of those..and I need one...I need motivation and I need to apply myself..I know all this...I do....I have inventions I wish I could get patented...but I can't afford it..isn't that need money to get an invention on the table..what sense does that poor people can't have great ideas....well I have a few....

Have a fantastic idea for a new candy...a play on an old candy...not sure why it hasn't been done simple..I'm sure they will before I get to it...been on my table for years...only a few inexpensive ingredients...but I depend on others to get these things for me..I miss driving a car...dont miss the high bank note on a car..but I miss driving...I need a miracle for my family....I need a miracle...I believe in miracles....

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Of all days to forget your glasses...

I remember walking past the cemetery and seeing a black mustang..I looked over cause he was passing us slow and looking at and Connie...all of a sudden he lifted his hips up off the driver side and let us see him stroking first we were shocked...he let himself down..we laughed..Connie wasn't really sure she saw what she thought she saw because she didn't wear her glasses that day..she always wore her glasses..but not this day..we had walked "out town" on Main street to we usually did on a Saturday morning..we got our allowances so we went to get a 45 record..I remember buying There's a Place in the Sun by Stevie Wonder...then this guy comes he pulls off..slow ...and we kept walking..we were in our neighborhood and not scared at all..then he did it one else was was a quiet warm day...we just ignored him and he went away...we talked about it to each other..not sure we ever told anyone else...but it just came across my mind..Wonder if she remembers..I'm sure she will's one of our many dating Barry Shaw and Ricky Ream...Oh My God...thats another story...
Me and Cathy skipped school so many times I can't even imagine how we passed school..but we did..we would borrow her sisters car and Cathy did most of the driving..we had to be 16..we stayed overnight on the weekends..would tell our parents that we were at a concert sponsored by a local radio station and it was an all weekend concert...could we stay?? back them they always said sure..we were "good kids" so they thought..I mean we weren't bad..but we sure had fun..I wish I would have documented those days..wish we would had taken pictures..not one picture of those times...down at Perkiomen Creek on the other side..had to get there off of River road..onto a dirt road that took you to the other side of the damn..if we parked off the street that only meant we were gonna swing off the ropes that were tied to a couple of trees..into the river or was big water..with a damn freind died cause he tried to walk across it and lost his sure he was drunk..I wasn't there that night..we hung with all guys...local guys from around that motorcycle bad ass boys..some were 16, some were 18 some were 30 and older..but no one ever disrespected us in any way..I wound up "going with" a boy named Bruce aka Boo..went with for awhile..but I know he was a player and I wasn't always around..we did have to go home and go to school sometimes..and any chance we found we were headed to Perkiomen Creek..there was always someone there...

This was all back in the good ole days...the 60's.I was 16 when Woodstock took and Cathy couldnt far and we had school...but her older brother Eddie envious...

All the guys we hung with were po' folk...they lived in hand built homes back off the road a bit..some barely had indoor plumbing..sometimes ya had to go to the local gas station to go...we slept in the rain and woke up muddy..we always scrounged some money up to go to the local little diner and get some breakfast...or we just simply ate at someones was plentiful and they were happy to share it...the more you ate the happier they were...we had so much fun...I actually was introduced to my first husband thru a friend we hung with...If I knew then what I know things would be so different today..everything happens for a they say....wonder what ever happened to old Boo...looked him up on facebook go...maybe one day...

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Big Screen On Clearspring Rd...

I have so many stories I dont even know where to start...not sure there is a starting point.

When my mind goes back to my childhood which it often does...the one thing that is so vivid and I'm not sure why.. is the walk up Clearspring Rd after school each day..I never wanted to be a movie star or anything, but I always thought I was on the big screen.At the end of this very long block was a huge water tower with the words Lansdale on it...I use to pretend that that was the big movie screen and I was on it just for walking up the block toward it....that was all the big screen attention I needed...

Its the same block that I walked when my first real love followed me home and chased me up after I broke up with him.. because I thought he was flirting with a girlfriend of mine after seeing him kiss her hand gentlemanly out of a movie..thats the only place I ever saw that in real life..still to this day I havent seen it.. 41 years later....anyway he followed me all the way home..into my house..still wanting to know why I'm breaking up with him and he was upset and I was upset...My parents started jumping on me ..telling me to give him another chance ..I didn't and that was the end.
I always had long hair.That evening I cut my hair real short because this boy liked my long hair and I thought I was spiting him...he didnt like that I had I did get to him...but I hurt myself in the long run...haven't cut my hair short since..

I had a nice relationship with this boy ...we were young I guess I was 15 and I believe him to be 16 or 17...I won't mention names here just in case..we never did anything..we just made out when my parents went out...and I was babysitting my two younger brothers..we made out for hours...I went to New York..Staten Island with him and his parents to meet his grandparents.. (he was an only child)..and had a dog named Amy...loved Amy..she was a St bernard...beautiful ..big dog..

His mom made me a pair of really pretty bluish green angora gloves for Christmas ..that I remember...they were beautiful and warm...

Christmas came while we were together and I remember getting him Jimi Hendrix's new album at the time called ELECTRIC LADYLAND..thats what he wanted..I got it for brother got him a carton of cigarettes..yeah he smoked...and some cologne or something...I forget what he got me...I lived on Clearspring .he lived on 7th street...after his visits to my home I would walk him part way home..up towards the tower(my house was only 3 houses away from the end of the block where the tower was) and thru a field that St Mary's Manor was on...It was some sort of nursing home I think..I used to know the end of the grassy part he let go of my hand and we would kiss goodbye...he walked his way...and I remember watching him for a few seconds..I would turn around and walk back to my whole family liked him...I liked him...and we are friends on facebook now..he's married..I am married although I've been separated since 1991..he's in a band and they play all the time..thats not what he did to earn money ..but he was always into music..I was glad to see he had been in a band all this time..I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life..and I still don't ..but I'm happy doing what I do..

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

My friend since birth..Barb...

I can only hope to be able to write 1/10th of the memories I hold of Barbara and her family...her mom ,,her dad, and her 5 siblings...My mom and her mom were best friends I guess from high school on and they had kids together ...only Barbs mom had 6 and my mom only had were both working woman and I remember they were co- brownie leaders and of course me and Barb were Brownies..Oh they were the days..meetings on Tuesday nights at St Johns church on the bottom floor...good times..we did crafty things..I think of those crafts sometimes and try to remember how to do them..some were really cool...We were in a parade in our little town and our theme was ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY TWO FRONT TEETH..and we had some sort of Head of a kid with his 2 front teeth cool...

We grew up together...both of our families lived in another little town first..then when one moved the other moved and in both towns we were only down the block from one another..I was always at their house..every day until I was 12...thats when we moved a few more blocks away....that was the year we started 7th now we didn't hang together so much anymore...we met other friends and I know for me I did different things with different people..We use to go swimming every day in the summer time..It was a small community pool and all the kids and adults went there..I got up early every morning for years because I took swimming lessons...loved that part of my life...

One thing me and Barb did was take tomatoes out of their garden and I took some from my grandparents garden...we ate them right then and there..fresh off the vine.til my lips got sore from the citric acid ...

I remember a few times Barb and I visited the newborn babies at the cemetery at St Stanislaus..I remember wondering why they only lived one day or 2 weeks ..and I remember feeling sad...we were only about 11 or 12 ...but it was something we did a few times....We used to play in a little playhose next to their house ..Bonnie's playhouse...we played school and talked and were just girls ...tweens...

I had a wonderful childhood..and a good bit of my greatest memories come from knowing and hanging with Barb...sometimes we hung with her older sister... She kissed Bill and I kissed and Herman used to "date"..which meant we made out on his parents couch when everyone else was in bed...thats all we did was make out for hours...and hours...for months...we were young...and then we went on with our lives ...and went to the same school and grew up and grew

Over the years we had kept in touch off and on..Always able to find each other..then in June of 2008 we met in the little town that we grew up ..she lives in Hawaii and was coming to Pennsylvania for her sons wedding..we decided to meet at the park in the midddle of town..not far from our "neighborhood"..It had been 40 years at least if not more since we had seen each other..but it didn't seem like one minute had passed when I saw here...her hair is gray and long was always short and brown...her face and her smile and her hands and her stature were exactly as I remembered..we hugged and cried for a minute or two..then we sat on the bench and talked for awhile....she is still tiny and petite...I've always been a chunky I'm fat..but she didnt look at me any seemed like I was the same ole' Brenda to her..funny how that happens...I was nervous before we met...what would she think of how big I got?? I am disabled and I gained a lot of weight since I retired 7 years ago...

We sat and spoke for awhile and took youngest daughter was with me and her husband was with her..when it was time for them to go we hugged and I promised I would get my health together so that I could go visit her in Hawaii...I am still trying to do that...In my heart,,and in my soul I will always love Barbara...she is and always will be an intricate part of my lifes story...she the beginnings and she will be there at the end...How lucky I am to have been a part of her life too...!! Thank you Lord...

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Got a note from my mom....

I got a note from my mother the other response to one that I had sent her the week before..I do that every now and then just to see how she is and to let her know I'm still alive..She said she just had a checkup..blood work and all and her health is good..thats great..shes 77 ..twenty years older than me...
The note actually had a ring of sincerity to it..she said to keep in touch and send pictures of the kids..I really need to get some paper pictures made ..everything is on the computer...I don't have any paper pictures of Jolie at all...I will send her pictures as soon as I get them and will try to send her a Christmas gift..I do when I can afford it..last year I couldnt and I probably wont be able to this year either..We will see..I have 7 grandchildren to buy for..and that ain't easy..I have been accumulating some things that I run across for a good price ..always keeping them in mind...I have slippers for Shai and some make up for her..she is 16...and I have little toys and tablets and dinosaurs for some of the little ones..not sure who's getting what...I will send her pictures of the kids at Christmas..she will love them...I wish she would come to my house for the holidays..but she won't...

most recent writings about my aging and my mother..

I notice age in my face over the last year of so..i can see my grandmother in me…thats a good thing..I can’t move as good as I used to…think my mind is still…I am bolder now than when I was young because I’ve earned everything I do and say ..i do care to a certain extent what others think about me..but my action or reaction to a situation has nothing to do with what others think about me..I am just me..and thats okay I think…I am calmer now than when I was younger..things that used to upset me dont so much anymore..I’ve learned its not worth raising your blood pressure over some things..I think I have finally matured at 57…lol..somewhat

I’ve been getting gray since I was 18…hereditary..i used to color it until about 10 years ago when the whole went blonde…not sure how..its not white..its not gray ..its blonde…I am naturally a strawberry brownish…my mom is a red head with frecklesand my dad was Italian…but now its blonde..crazy

I’m very pleased with each advancing year..It stems back to when I was forty..I was a bit upset about reaching that milestone, but an older friend consoled me "Don’t complain about growing old, many many people do not have that privelege…Earl Warren Chief justice 1891-1974

can you believe that a month ago I had to tell that to an 18 year granddaughters friend..her birthday was coming in a few days and she put her head in her hands and said “OMG!” I’m gonna be 18…and I told her first of she sounded ridiculous saying then told her I knew people that passed at 14 or be glad you will see 18….

I dont remember thinking about age until recently…and I still love getting older…

my grandmother was always gray my whole life..she was 40 when I was born and thats all i ever knew her to be…a beautiful gray..thats the new style now..even young girls are dying their hair gray..lady gaga is on the front of a magazine with her hair gray

I do love aging…I love learning..but I have to be honest…the things I dont like about aging is losing some of the most important influential people in your life..friends and family begin passing away and your own mortality is right in front of you..I feel like I have so much more to do and will there be time..I don’t want to leave my grandchildren .I want to see them grandmother passed when I was 50..we were both lucky..her seeing her oldest grandchild that old and me for having her in my life so long..I thank God for that..she was the most important person in my life …she passed away one week to the day after her 90th birthday ..from a fall..I had spoken to here right before the fall (13 days before her death) and she said to me " Can you believe I will be 90?" and I asked her how that felt…she said it was wonderful and that she wasn’t ready to go anytime soon..she wanted to stick around to see what happens…I spose she’s watching from above

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age…Gloria Pitzer

the great secret that all old people share ist hat you really haven’t changed in 70 or 80 years…Your body changes, but you dont’t really change at all…Doris Lessing…

I remember about 10 years ago..i was visiting my youngest son at the supermarket he works in the was the beginning of the month.around Social security check and this \elderly woman was in front of me..she was just as crabby as ever..whining about nothings and just erking everyone..and I remember thinking to myself…Oh well shes old, let her be…hope I’m not like that when I get old…well the moral is..I am not like that because thats not me…so that cranky old woman is still the same as she ever was only older…she was probably always the one in the crowd to erk

The only thing that really saddens me at this time of my life is that where I thought I was gonna be right now I am not..I married at 19 had a baby at 19 divorced him by the time I was 22…remarried at 23 ..had 3 more babies…and have been separated from #2 for 20 years…we have 7 grandchildren and I thought we would be sharing that part of our lives together…he became such a loser (still is)that that dream became impossible…Its his loss I used to think..but its all our children don’t really have a relationship with their father and my grandchildren dont know their maternal sad…all the way around..but I shall move forward and continue to be the best grandmom they ever had and maybe that will help…lol

savor all the memories..have scrapbooks and photo albums full of them..but theres so much that is missing..but I don’t dwell on them I just made mention..but hopefull i can be like Judy and find love again..I would not hesitate ..I love love..but right now I need to take care of me…get my knees done and lose this weight ..then I can do my…

..I have a big book called GRANDMOTHER REMEMBERS.and its along the lines of a baby book or a scrap asks questions…like where did you meet grandpop etc..there are lots of pages for your own stories etc..and I have started it..I have no relationship with my kids barely know her and only my 16year old granddaughter has ever met her and we haven't seen her in 8 years now..but thats how she likes there my kids missed out on a grandmother..although they had my grandmother in their lives..and my grandchildren dont know their great grandmother (my mother) so I have a lot of shoes to fill..but you know what..I’m just me and they love thier grandmom and I know that..and I feel it every time I see them…all 7 of them…I make it very easy for them to love me …because I love them…and they won’t miss a thing or want for anything

My grandmother used to tell us stories too..I wish she was here now cause I have lots of questions that my mother probably doesnt know the answers too..I know my grandmothers mother died of polio when my grandmother was aorund 14 ..and her father was killed by a truck rollin on him…my granmother was the oldest of 3 children and had two younger brothers that she raised…I also am the oldest and have two younger brothers…my mother was an only day my grandmother was sitting on her back porch in her favorite chair and was just staring into her back yard..I asked her what she was thinking and she told me then that she had regretted not having more than one that time my mom wasnt coming around a lot and that had a great impact on my grandmother…my grandmother was more of a mother to me than my own grandmom passed away after a fall in mother is 77 and I just got a letter from her saying she was doing fine and told me to write and send more pictures of the grands.I always write to her and try to send pictures of her great greandchildren and I send gifts for Christmas and her birthday and mothers day..even though we havent really had a relationship since I was 19..I am now 57…I learned a lot from my mom on how not to be…

Saturday, October 16, 2010

To my granddaughter Gabriella Mae

My Dear Gabby,

You had grandmom and mommy and daddy scared there for awhile...just really puts things into perspective when someone you love is hurting...I wanted to hurt for you...I felt sick in my stomach..I've heard of bad things happening with that stinkin asthma and at a time like that we are all helpless...You are in the hands of the doctors and nurses that are caring for you..and God above..Had lots of people praying for you..I know I did...I am so happy you are home and feeling better and I hope that never happens to you again..Hopefully , you will outgrow this monster...We all just have to keep our eyes on you...and you have to remember to have your inhaler with you...Grandmom loves you baby girl...can't wait to see you...You are so cute and sweet...(most of the time)...Love you honey..Love Grandmom...10/16/10

Sunday, September 26, 2010


Its been a long time since I've written about my mother or since I've had mother issues..ya just never know when this will come to surface...but on facebook someone posted LETS CELEBRATE MOTHERS..PRESS LIKE IT YOU LOVE YOUR MOTHER...well just because I haven't seen my mother in 8 years doesn't mean I don't love her..I do love her...I just don't know her..Oh I know what she looks like ...but I don't know her favorite color...I dont know if she quit smoking..don't know who her friends are..what her dreams are... nothing about her health issues..I know she is 77 years old ..and I know where she lives...I haven't written to her or sent her pictures in quite awhile...I usually do..I didn't seen her anything for Mothers Day this year..I didnt have the money ...guess I could have sent her a card...I just didn't..didnt figure she cared or would even miss it..I hope she had a great day..she hadnever se3nt me anything for Mothers day.Iknow I'm not her mother..but I think I've sent cards or gifts once or twice to my daughters..I dont always have the money to do it every year and they understand..we talk all the time...theres nothing worse than being motherless and your mother is still living....I thought in our older years we should be closer...the end is almost here and we wont even know one another...its her choice though..I've written to her about it and she never really gives me a good reason that its like just is..and I just have to accept it..I never had therapy for this...but I write about it alot...I guess in a way that is my therapy...I feel better now....

these next set of writings were written by me in the WOE(words of encouragement ) on Bonanza on February 25 and 26 , 2011...I only posted my writings although people in between these writings wrote their opinions etc...the title of the WOE is HOW TO MEND A BROKEN HEART..HOST WAS KOOLBEANZ..HER FIRST TIME...

my first broken heart was when I was only 19 years old and just gave birth to my first child…a son…I was married at 18 to a 17 year old who cheated and partied and left me with a new baby…I moved back home with my parents and for months I could not get myself together..I thought it was the end of the world..I thought I would never get over this…but my parents pushed me to get a job and they would help with my son I did…working helped me so much..I met new friends and eventually met and fell and love and married again and went on to have 3 more was a wonderful love story for 15 years and then that too ended…but this time my heart wasn’t so broken…not sure why…maybe I was older and just accepted that some things are just not meant to be….and so the story goes…lol

yeah true koolbeanz and the second marriage was breaking up way before it I knew what the outcome was gonna be..because I gave up trying to compete with it was best…the first time around my heart was busted up all over the place…he cheated and was abusive…and I was so so young…(not trying to get too personal here ,,just being truthful

All four on my children have expereinced broken hearts..2 of them were major…one is still trying to heal and I pray that he will seriously realize that this part of his lifes journey will be his past one day and he will get over this…its been almost a year and finally a few days ago hes sounding hes finally moving on…and I put it in Gods hands to walk him through this and I will be there if he falls…I think he will be okay though

If a dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again…

To ease anothers heartache is to forget ones own…Abe Lincoln…

The reason birds can fly and we can’t is simply that they have the perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings…

well Judy my mom is 78 and still living and says she wants to live the life of a hermit..shes had nothihng to do with me or my brothers sicne i was 19…that was 39 years ago..Oh I send her Christmas , mothers day and birthday gifts and she always sends thank you notes back to me..I have written her so many letters over the years asking why she has nothing to do with me and my brthters and our children and now our grandchildren and she never really has an answer for us…well I have a broken heart from this as do my brothers still…but we have learned to accept it and live our lives…I blog about my mother and my brothers ,,its good therapy…I just heard from my oldest brother after 9 years of estrangement..can’t even describe what that was like

me and princessgifts7 I see are telling almost the same story…not glad someone else knows how I feel and it is a lonely place to be when you see your friends and their relationships with their moms..and they can see that you hurt father and my mothers mother(ironic) were my rocks and gave me the self esteem I have today…if not for them I think I would be a lost soul today..But from my mom I learned HOW NOT TO BE A MOTHER and therefore I am one of the best moms and grandmoms around…so being neglected by her just happened to become a positive it appears…don’t get me wrong I would do almost anything to it have been the other story ..i never went to lunch with my mom, never went shopping with my mom…my kids are grown and out on their own with families of their own…my mom doesnt know any of them,,,never babysat for me , never had a full conversation with any of my children, so sad..not meaning to be a bummer..just telling my story

thanks koolbeanz..and thats what these WOE threads are all about..and believe me they have said some powerful things to me at certain times…The cycle has definetly been broken daughters are great mothers too..and guess what we all do lunch together..I have 2 sons also and they both have loser fathers ..thats another we all do things together all the time and make sure their kids keepin touch and grow up together…love my family…they get on my nerves big time..but I couldnt or wouldnt ask for anyone in their places….thanks to all that have endured my rants….

hello all…I came to Bonanza over 2 years ago..about 6 months later I started a thread called IN THE QUIET OF THE MORNING I CRY and I went on to tell the story that I wrote in the wee hours of the mroning about my mother..and why she doesn’t want me in her life and why it doesn’t seem to mean anything to her ..even in her elder years…the response I received from that thread…either in the thread itself or people bmailing me some even emailed me…some could relate..others felt sorry for me and some had advice..I loved each every response and I have to honestly say that between that thread and talking to my best friend geraldine thrasher (has a booth here) I don’t wake up in the wee hours anymore thinking of my mom and crying over it..I"m not gonna say it doesnt still hurt but I dont dwell on it doesnt consume me if anyone thinks that this WOE is just for something to do…I can vouch that these words that we find in here at any given time can actually save a life….Believe that!!!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


My heart hurts for her ..Iknow how she feels ..when I was her age I lost a few friends...first friend I lost was Carol Wilson..I was in 7th grade I believe...we were 12 ...I think she was 13...she had an older boyfriend dave and he was driving when the car went out of control and went into a little pond...him and 2 other people in the car survived...Carol did not...A friend Warren Clark was killed in a car accident .so was allen Landis...not the same accident..and Duke Bitting..he drowned in the Perkiomen Creek....but back to my granddaughter..her friend DeShawn died from an asthma attack...seems to me that that shouldnt have happened..I dont know all the details...but shai is heartbroken...they were in advisory together and were friends...shes had people pass in her life grandmother..her great granmother..Ella Mae.. Shai was only 8 at the time...she wasn't real close to her this is really the closest I think..and its hard...hard to understand why God would take such a young soul ,,a good such a way...I dont have the answers for her except to say that God wanted him home...I hope she understands ...and never forgets her friend...thats the best way to keep him keep his memory going......always...


Well , tonight I hosted the WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT on Bonanzle...My theme for the night was HUMOR...for the first 40 minutes or so I was by myself ..posting funny graphics..some of Maxine, some silly quotes ..silly jokes I had in my files..then people started coming in and enjoying what they were reading and maybe getting a chuckle ofr a laugh along the way...they came back in with a funny joke ..their stories. and funny graphics...I laughed at some, I chuckled at others...havent even read the whole thread yet..and I'm going to save it in my favorites in case one day I need a laugh or a feels good to do that every now and then ..Laughter is me to thinking that I really don't laugh enough..I may smile...or giggle or chuckle...but I havent really laughed in a good long time...and I think a nice good laugh would do me good...feels good on the everything is lightened and lifted...feels nice to laugh....

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


The story of my life is a long and interesting one...I would think..I'm not getting into all that now...but today I realized something I wasn't aware of...Bobby is my oldest and he is white...the other 3 are bi-racial .I was aware of we moved here as a family 30 years ago it was like we almost fit in..not right in...but it was cool..noone really bothered us and that was long ago...we went about went to multiracial schools and all became well adjusted kids...Bobby was a bit of a hoot from the age of 14...he rebelled and I dont think it was because he was in biracial suroundings as far as our family went...I was a bit of a rebel myself and came from a great childhood and wonderful parents and grandparents...normal home life..anyway. about Bobby...hes the only one left here with me ...his white now here we are 2 white people in a predominetly black neighborhood...theres a few whites ...and a few Chinese and a few Puerto ricans scattered about...and its a middle class hard working neighborhood...Middle America...I've been "MOM" to many of the kids from the neighborhood over the years...most hung at my house playing video games rather than going out in the streets...bobby had been going to the store since he was 5..we were in a different neighborhood then...but he did it..hes now 38 and hes still going to the store...he still wants a list ,,,like always...As he was getting ready to go to the store today..I said,"Just pick up a few things and hurry back,"..I worry I always worry not because of the neighborhood per say...but there are people maybe not from the neighborhood that may not know Bobby...but he let me know that he doesnt even realize he's white when he goes to the store because everyone has known him for the last 30 years in this neighborhood and he fits right in...But I still worry.....I would really like to sell this house and move to a ranch home ..because of my arthritis and not being able to walk..being on one floor would be ideal...most of this house is being wasted because I can't go up and down the I never get to the kitchen..Bobby cooks for me and helps me...but I can't really afford it by myself bills are exceeding my income...only time will tell...!!!

Monday, August 23, 2010

I know I only write about things in my life..These are the things that are going on and I dont know what else to write about..I could write about World Peace...but there is none ..I could talk about how good things are in the worlds economy but we all know where that I write about my thoughts...on my life as it is...there are some things about my life that I can't or won't put in writing..I would like to write to each of my children and some of them may not be happy with what I have to say...I just think they could be doing better with themselves and their lives with their families...instead of complaining about how bad your life something about it...get up and do something....who raised you I wonder later...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


So I spent 30 something days at my daughters 20 minutes away and then when I finally come home I bring her 2 children ..Dallas and Dellaney...I am so hooked with being with them that when they leave there is such an emptiness...I believe this is why I spend so long of a time at her place...just nothing in this ole house for me anymore...I've outgrown it..I've raised my kids in what at the time was a mixed neighborhood...since 3 out of 4 of them are its just me and Rob left and we are the minority now and really don't fit in anymore...I mean no one causes trouble with us or anything...after 28 years in one place you kind of become a "fixture"...But my health warrants that I be on one floor...where I can get to the kitchen and do for myself...right now I'm dependent on Bobby and I really don't like that...thinking of selling this house and finding something ....gotta do a lot of cleaning up my credit though...gotta make some changes...too old to live the rest of my days like this and still young enough to want changes...

Sunday, August 15, 2010

That was my Vacation for sure..

Well I didnt really go anywhere...about 20 minutes away to my youngest daughters home in the Northeast...I only intentionally was going for a weekend...for a Princess party she was having for her 5 year old granddaughter Dellaney...but 3 days turned into four then I may as well stay I said til at least next Sunday since we were having a large neighborhood yard sale on Saturday...well we had an awesome yard sale...made over 100 then her car wasn't running good and I didnt want to chance breaking down on the I said I'll stay ..maybe we can "hook" up a ride with someone one of these days...My son Rob was at my house to feed my cat Roscoe so there was nothing to really hurry back to..Rob was okay hes 38 for God sake and he was having a "friend" over anyway....well one week turned into 2 weeks and so on and so forth...I helped my daughter go through tons of clothes that don't fit the kids anymore..we now have some of them on Ebay...make some lots and put them on Bonanzle...they are selling too...always looking to get rid of "stuff" stuff may be someone elses I'm back home now...and after spending a month at their house I brought Dallas and Dellaney home with me...been 4 days now and they just don't get on my nerves too much...they watch video games and spend lots of time with Uncle starts in 3 weeks so I spose they will have to go soon...just giving their mom time to pack some things and help a friend make tshirts for a large order...the kids love it here and aren't bugging to go home...we have plenty of food and juice and goodies for them they are happy...and so are Uncle Bobby and I...we love having them here...puts some noise in the house...then when we've had enough it will be time for them to go and we will miss them after day

Thursday, July 8, 2010


Today is July 8, 2010...this is my 36th wedding anniversary....Although we have been seperated for 19 of those years we are still technically, legally married..I tried to get the divorce twice, but didnt have his address for the Constables to serve him papers...What?? anyway...we are still married...haven't seen him in about 5 years or so...I'm not going to even go into all that right here...but Its a bittersweet day for me...I can't help to know that it is July 8 and July 8th has significant meaning in my life..I can't deny it..cant get arond it way ,no saddens me the way things went down..but 36 years ago I remember how I felt..I was euphoric...I was in nothing else in my life, so glad to have ever even felt that way and to know I was loved the same way was the real thing, the real deal...I was also 8 1/2 months pregnant on our wedding day...this was my second child and we didnt marry because I was pregnant...we had marriage planned way back when I left Pennsylvania to move to South Carolina to be with him...I already had a child from my first marriage which I thought I was in love and I guess I loved him...we were so young and well I had Bobby and the marriage failed...okay back to this day 36 years ago....we got married by his uncle ,,who was a Dean in South Carolina (some religious title with the ability to perform wweddings)...our two witnesses was the deans wife and my husbands mother...It was nice and my wedding ring was a Old Milwaukee beer was 1975 and life was simple...everything was perfect...we were "high" on life....Life was good...we lived with my mother in law...15 days later our daughter Davina was was even better now..We both fell right into parenthood together...He was a great father..changed diapers, cooked, helped keep things together...he was in college taking accounting at the time...then he worked in some tool and dye factory...he got educational benefits from the VA...he was shot in Vietnam and was discharged honorably.....and the story continues..but for today I want to remember how it was....and not the fact that so much got lost..he is now the grandfather of 7 children that he doesnt know and that don't know him...and to me thats the saddest part of it...its life and we will never get this lost time back...and I feel sorry for him)...because I am in the childrens and grandchildrens lives...every person or by phone...every single day...and I am eternally grateful for that...Thank you Lord...for life has been good and life had its bad parts...but I would not trade one moment...I thank you for the priveleges, the rewards, and the journey....its been a trip!!!!

Sunday, June 27, 2010


Today is my granddaughter Dellaney's 5th birthday...I just had her and her brother for a week..and her party is in July ...I called her and wished an awesome birthdaay..they're not doing much..its 96 degrees out with a heat index of over 100...

My youngest son came down with my 2 youngest grandchildren today for a few hours..he brought ground beef and a box of mashed potatoes and some mixed vegetables...Bobby (my oldest son) cooked and we ate...Brayden and Jolie were awesome and it was great to see them...saw them on mothers day...they grow so fast...Braydens hair is cut real short and it looks great for the summer heat...Jolie is funny...shes 22 months will be 5 in September and I will have three five year old'm so glad he borught them down today...A good time was had by all.....

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


I lost my father to lung cancer in 1989…I was 26 years old and he was only 60…just way too young..because of my father I am the confident person I am today…I am the oldest child and the only girl…daddys little girl…He always told me that I could be Miss america if I wanted to…I knew that wasnt true..but he believed that…lol…I miss my father immensely and think of him every day…Thank you God for giving me the father you chose for me…coudlnt have asked for a better one…this quote sums it up..

He didnt tell me how to live…he lived and let me watch him do it…

Joseph DiDomenico

WHAT MAKES A DAD (not sure of author)

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle’s flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so,

He called it … Dad

MY DAD (written by me on Bonanzle June 2009)

I lost my father March 16. 1989 due to lung cancer…after surviving his aeorta hanging by a thread and his life being saved by the wonderful doctors at Thomas Jefferson Hospital in Philadelphia..after being in a coma for 45 days …6 months later he died from lung cancer…Yeah he was a smoker all of his life..but he had quit about a year earlier..apparently too late…He was only 60 years old when he passed..
My father was the best father in the world..I was the oldest and his only daughter..he was Italian so I was daddy’s little girl..he took me on his milk route when I was 8 or 9…then he took me on his bread route later…we went fishing (along wih my two younger brothers)..I remember going out in the garden at 3am to catch nightcrawlers…I was a tomboy so that didn’t gross me out..I admit I didn’t like putting the worm on the hook…lol.. he even took me hunting ONCE…thats all I wanted to go…He once told me he thought I was pretty enough to be Miss America..I knew it wasn’t true..but he believed it..and thats all that mattered to me..He was great for my self esteem and if it weren’t for him I would have none…I miss you daddy and I love you…Happy Fathers Day!!!!


Mean Mom

I had the meanest mother in the whole world. While other kids ate
candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others had cokes and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can guess, my supper was different than the other kids’ also.

But at least, I wasn’t alone in my sufferings. My sister and two
brothers had the same mean mother as I did.

My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You’d think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and where we were going. She insisted if we said we’d be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less—not one hour and one minute. I am nearly ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each time we had a mind of our own and did as we pleased. That poor belt was used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy’s pants. Can you imagine someone actually hitting a child just because he disobeyed? Now you can begin to see how mean she really was.

We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always wore their clothes for days. We reached the height of insults because she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends?

The worst is yet to come. We had to be in bed by nine each night
and up at eight the next morning. We couldn’t sleep till noon like our friends. So while they slept-my mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us.

She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and
nothing but the truth, even if it killed us- and it nearly did.

By the time we were teen-agers, she was much wiser, and our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a girlfriend, can you imagine she checked on me to see if I were really there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is if I’d had a boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old fashioned mother refused to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. Fifteen, that is, if you dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year.

Through the years, things didn’t improve a bit. We could not lie
in bed, “sick” like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends
had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends’ report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for nothing less than ugly black marks.

As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put
to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the pleasure of being a drop-out.

My mother was a complete failure as a mother. Out of four
children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us have ever been arrested, divorced or beaten his mate. Each of my brothers served his time in the service of this country. And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You’re right, our mean mother. Look at the things we missed. We never got to march in a protest parade, nor to take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one other things that our friends did.

She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults. Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three
children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my
children call me mean.

Because, you see, I thank God,
He gave me the meanest mother in the whole world.

Written by Bobbie Pingaro (1967)


Back in 2002 I was talking to my grandmom on the phone 2 weeks before her 90th birthday..still being of sound mind and body she told me she was not ready to leave yet..she wanted to stick around to see what happens…heres this woman who lived to see her oldest grandchild turn 50(ME) and I had my grandmom in my life for that long…evey night since I was a child I prayed for God to not let anything happen to her cause she was ONE of the most special people in my life…well one week before her 90th birthday she fell in the bathroom…we were all summoned to come to the hospital where her eyes looked like racoons and her lower arm was broke..we joked and laughed and she seemed weak but okay…well after we all went home …we got a call later that night that she had suffered a stroke was all downhill from there…one week after her 90th birthday she passed away…that was the second worst day of my life…two of the most important people in my life were now gone…so I HAVE NEVER taken a day for granted…since I was a child…I pray many times a day…I try to leave impressions for those in my life to remember fondly of me when I’m gone…I try to leave them better than when they first came to me…Each day I wake up is prettier than the day before..and this morning I have 2 of my grandchildren that I’ve had overnight for 3 nights now…love waking up seeing them…they will leave today and I will cry…they only live 5 miles from me and I see them all the time..but its never enough…okay enough..sorry to ramble…fingers just kept typing…

Monday, June 7, 2010 can't even imagine...

My computer was down for 2 months...because of an on and off button...had it fixed and am back on ...june 7, oldest granddaughters 16th birthday....Happy Birthday beautiful baby girl...I can't even begin to tell you how I've missed my compter...I was so bored...had to clean places in my home that weren't even dirty...I would sit in my room and look in the corner over by the closet and theres a lot of "stuff" ..just stored over there...its not a mess..its neatly piled up...and I really need to go thru it..then I will want to go thru the closet and that will make a mess...ya know cleaning up always creates another did do 3 yard sales while my computer was down..not that one thing has to do with the other..sold $60.00 worth of stuff..not bad..met lots of nice people...will do it again...have enough stuff to sell that I could literally open a thrift store and have new stuff to add to it every day...headboards, dressers, a big red front that door ,but its gotta go...well I am back on Bonanzle and other venues on the I have things to do now...have to promote and having a yard sale..only I think people hate the shipping charges...I try to keep them as low as possible..I don't profit from shipping...glad to be back and hope to never leave again...oh yeah...!!!!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Greystone on the Greene...

this was originally posted on 2/18/10

I worked in the housekeeping department in a nursing home clled THE GREYSTONE ON THE was an old greystone on Green Street In Phila..then they made a newer more modern one....all of the nurses and aids were my friends but they were so busy doing their schedules going from room to room that they didnt really have the time to give the when I walked in to empty their trash and clean their bathrooms I could sit for a few moments (or longer) and talk with them..One lady called me first I was scared to go to her room or pass it cause she always hollered “Hey Martha” come talk to I would ..come to find out Martha was a niece of hers and I apparently resembled her. She got no visitors so I was encourage by the staff to just go along wih it..I just listened and we laughed and I got as much out of it as they did..great experience…everyone should visit a nursing home , especially around Christmas time..
Posted by Brenda aka granny7x at 8:28 PM


this was originally posted on 2/10/10 in another blog of mine...

Well this is history in the making..we thought we had it licked with the last one..this past weekend when we got 28 inches of snow in Philly..Our first one of the season was December 19, 2009 righ tbefore even though it didn't snow ON Christmas it was still a white Christmas because of all the snow still left on the ground..I think we got 23 inches then....The second storm was Feb 5-6,2010..when we got like I said 28 inches..weren't really shoveled out from that one when #3 hit...this is blizzard like..It began around 7 last night 2/9 and snowed steady all night..everything was white when we woke up....then later it changed to rain and sleet all the news channels ,as they did during the last storm were on the scenes all day and night..

I have two of my grandchildren here with me ..My daughter brought them to me on Monday 2/8 so I could watch them while she worked ..then she went to work on Tuesday and I told her to make it home and leave them here wih we are having fun and making memories while we watch history in the making..wish they could all be here..but I'm in touch and everyone is playing games and spending time with their families...jeanell is taking the opportunity to clean the house while the kids aren't there...I will add to this blog as facts become known..there are a lo of things that will be historic about his storm...

We have never had a season with 3 major storms in history..there were very few seasons where we had 2 major storms...
Posted by Brenda aka granny7x at 2:02 PM

Here comes the snow..

originally posted in another blog of mine on 2/5/10

I'm am so sxcited right now at this writing..We are expecting one of the biggest snowstorms ever here in Philly in a matter of hours..Everyone I know is ready..we've known about it all week we had plenty of time to prepare..we got salt for the sidewalks...made sure we have toilet paper,, and food....what more do ya need...I don't have any hot cocoa which would be perfect and the Super Bowl is on Sunday February 7. 2010 between the Colts and the Saints..I pick the Saints just because..the cowboys aren't in it it really doesn't matter..but I want the Saints,, I figure New Orleans could use a break...!

These kind of snowstorms are the kind I remember as a kid..mountains and mountains of snow...Out playing in it for hours until our fingers were numb..even though we had layers of gloves on..and frozen toes ...ahhh those were the days...I am so glad I got to experience making snow forts and snow men and sliding on a sled down a steep street down the block from where I lived...I rememvber making snow angels on 2 acres of land at my grandmothers that was the place to go and make snow people..snow forever..
Valley Forge was a good place to go sledding..It had a lot of hills and hundreds of people would bring their sleds and it was fun for all!!This one is gonna be one of those types ..This is the second one this winter and thats rare..We had one with 23" on Dec 20.2009.. this is supposed to equal or surpass that can look out the window and see the grayness..its almost nighttime..Its 4:44 pm...spose to hit about 6 or so...This to me is exciting..the kids will truly be out in it tomorrow..Hope Davina and Jeanell and Lacey get some good pictures...Will be back to post more when it gets here...
Posted by Brenda aka granny7x at 1:25 PM

Now I'm just too old for

I am trying to watch 2 of my grandchildren for the week ,..while my daughter takes a road trip with a girlfriend of hers to Atlanta Georgia for a college open house...I normally have them on Monday and Tuesday nights and they go home on Wednesday ...and believe me by Wednesday I am exhausted..They are 5 and 3 years old and have more energy than I don't know what...Today I have my God grandson here too...hes 7...and Oh My!!!! The noise alone will drive one crazy...then when they're not here its too I just can't be satisfied...I miss them greatly too when they aren't here..
I love all 7 of my grandchildren but these two I have been watching since they were I see them more often than the others...I do get to see the others because we have something going on almost every month..its either a holiday or someones birthday..and we genuinely like each other and plan to keep the children close...I won't be writing all the time about grandchildren but it is a focal point in my life...some stories are funny like when one day Dallas turned to me from nowhere and asked "grandmom,,,what's it like being you?"..I told him ..if I wasn't me I wouldn't have him to smooch up...and he just looked at me ..I asked him what it is like being him and he said,,,"Cool"! I just smiled.....
Posted by Brenda aka granny7x at 9:19 AM 0 comments

Three Mile Island 31st Anniversary..

A day I will surely not forget..simply because I was scheduled to go to the Philadelphia Navy Hospital on this day..March 28, 1979 to check in for a C-section tomorrow March 29, for the birth of my 3rd second son.....I remember getting up at 6 a.m..the accident I believe happened at 4 am Harrisburg Pa.. we are in Philly...I heard the news first thing in the morning and became concerned..the news was so new and the news made it really serious (which of course it is , anytime a nuclear plant has a leak , an accident)..I was already a bit nervous ..cause I was having major surgery for the 3rd time on the same scar and it was yukky to me..but as it turned out..everything went according to plan..and my son was taken by c-section on March 29. 1979..tomorrow will be his 31st birthday...!! wow!!!..

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


We moved into our house.. a young couple with four children ..the youngest was 1 1/2…it was a tree lined street every other house had a big tree in the front..well that was in 1982..most of the trees have died..(planted in 1919) ..about a year after we had to cut ours down we noticed on the front lawn a new tree was growing started out skinny and scrawny and I wasnt really sure how it even got there..or even if it was a tree..then after the 5th or 6h year it grew and grew and it is taller than my home and it just started budding for the spring…when it first started coming up my neighbors wanted me to pull it so the roots wouldnt mess with the plumbing..I refused..I said this tree came out of nowhere..God wants this tree here..its not real far down in the ground and is not messing with this tree will branch out with leaves in the summmer so much that i will no longer be able to see across the street from me…I love my tree and now so does my neighbor cause it shades her yard too..Years later I found out that my daughter Davina planted the tree...not sure where she got the seed...hmmmm....

Sunday, March 21, 2010


My mother celebrated her 77th birthday back in January and usually I send her a bouguet of flowers ON her birthday...this time I sent her 2 plants in the same pot..compatible plants ..they looked nice on the internet..a few weeks later (yeah it takes her time) I received the infamous "thank you" note...she thanked me and told me how much she liked them..wasn't sure what they were but there was instructions on how to care for them..Wellll...thank goodness for that I said to myself..It never fails ... that either before or after she thanks me she has to put something a wee bit flawfull in there i,e.I don't know what they are.. instead of just thanking me and saying she liked them..and leaving it at that..its the tone..I can hear it through the note...

Last Christmas I sent her a pair of pajamas ..wasn't even sure she wore pajamas or what size..we hadn't seen each other at that time for at least 6 years(since her mother, my grandmother, my heart passed away..)My mom was always a 12 or 14 I thought...even larger at some times I got her a large I believe...well here came the note weeks later telling me how pretty they were ,,but they were very big on her,,but she said 'everyone likes big pajamas anyway"..what???? couldn't just thank me.. had to put something negative in was the tone..see to you it probably doesnt sound negative...but believe me I remember her tone...

anyway after receiving the note from her birthday..I did what I've done so many times before..I wrote to her asking why our relationship is okay like this with her...that we are both older folks ..I am 57 ..she is 77 and is this the way it ends...there never really was a close relationshp betweeen us and she still doesnt want one apparently...she wrote back a nasty little note saying she didn't drive to see me when she was in her forties..she's sure as hell not going to drive to see me in her 70's...I never asked her to drive anywhere to see me..I would go to her if I felt welcome or was invited...but alone I cry a lot still over the loss of my mother way back when I was about 18 ...she was never there for me ...she doesnt know my children or thier children and I feel sorry for her and my children and grandchildren..and for me..

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I OWE MY MOTHER (not written by me)

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it!”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

Thursday, March 4, 2010


Because of my mother I learned how to be a mother..My mother taught me how NOT to be a mother..therefore..I always talked with my children and asked them how their days were…I have always hugged them and kissed them even when they got to the yukky don’t do that mom stage..and when they did something that dissappoonted me I forgave them and hugged them and kissed them because these are the things my GRANDMOTHER did for us…not my mother still lives at the age of 77 and I have not seen her in 7years because thats the way she likes it..Unfortunately my grandmother ,,,my heart…my soul passed away in 2003 at the age of 90..To me She was the greatest woman ever

Saturday, February 27, 2010


Wow.. I’m 56 years old and it feels so good to hear that..although I am not aware of my freckles anymore body is filled with face,,my arms. etc..anyway.growing up with them wasn’t painful but for while me and my brothers were teased..not to the extent of life problems or self esteem issues..once people got to know us they accepted our freckles ..I used to be told how to get rid of them when I was wait for the first dew in APril and go to the cornfields and get the dew and wash it over your face..well I have always loved my freckles and still do ..never wanted to get rid of them..My parents and grandparents told me there was one for each time the angels kissed me..Now how could anything beat that…just reminded me when I read his post…Thanks Randy


Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Queensryche Bridge

You called me up on the phone today
struggling with the right words to say.
Time can change a thing or two.
Time has changed the lives of me and you,
but you know… it could have been different dad.

The word brings back a sweet memory.
I’m sitting on a bluff on a broken tree,
by my side a distinguished man
giving me encouragement, telling me I can,
and you know… you’re not there.

You say, “Son, let’s forget the past,
I want another chance, gonna make it last.”
You’re begging me for a brand new start,
trying to mend a bridge that’s been blown apart,
but you know… you never built it dad.

So I sit here through the night,
and I write myself to sleep,
and time keeps ticking…

Time has made you finally realize
your loneliness and your guilt inside.
You’re reaching for something you never had,
turning around now you’re looking back,
and you know… I’m not there.

You say, “Son, let’s forget the past.
I want another chance, gonna make it last.”
You’re begging me for a brand new start,
trying to mend a bridge that’s been blown apart,
but you know… you never built it dad.

I saw this written in a forum I was reminds me more of my mom and I...

Friday, February 19, 2010


Dallas and Laney just left for dance school..they spent Thursday and Friday night at my house overnight..Now that they're gone the house is quiet and I have too much time to think...Of course my mind wants to dwell on my mom...Got a note from her yesterday thanking me for the flowers I sent her for Mother's Day, ..apologized for it taking so long to get here...So today my mind takes me to the thought about how people always use the excuse as to why they are the way they are because of their past or how they were raised...because thats all they know...what a bunch of B.S that is...What they should say is, "I lack common sense , so I thought I'd follow in their footsteps...they were abusive and I didn't like it so I think I'll do the same to my kids."

I am 56 years old and remember my mom geting mad at a vacuum cleaner and picked it up and tossed it across the floor..I remember at that moment saying to myself ."I have to remember to never do that in front of my children because I don't want anyone to feel like I do right now."I remember saying that to myself...I remember being mom never hit us..but I was scared at the noise of it and to see my mom so mad...I remember her slamming kitchen cabinets too..and being scared...not that we don't all have issues with temper now and then..I'm just saying I remember these...I remember her throwing a fork at my brothers back..he was a teenage pain in the ass at the time..and she lost it...

I made a decision in my mothering years to not be like my mother...I keep busy helping to care of my grandchildren.. This morning I helped get Dallas and Dellaney dressed for dance class and then they left....and then I thought and then I wrote..

To My Mom (written May 2009)

this is something I journaled one is not finished or fine tuned yet..

In my older years
I long for you
just like I did back then
only now I'm closer to the end
I've faced the fact that
I'll never see your face again
or have I accepted that??
the older I get the less I cry
cause some say its your loss
I'm not so sure thats totally true

My heart thats been broken by a man
has always repaired with time
not so sure that will happen here
pretty sure a piece of my heart
will always have a void
where you should be
not so sure I understand
but guess I'm not sposed to
God gives us nothing we can't handle
so I live without you
doesn't mean I don't miss or love you
put no one above you
and hope you'll have a change of heart
before its way to late
cause once we're gone..we're gone
I'm sure I'll see you on the other side
I've loved my children in spite of you
and I've learned from you what not to do..

Thursday, February 18, 2010


I had the best grandmom in the world…I mean she was so much different than me..she cooked all the time..she sewed,,she made apple pies and applesauce and canned things..and just the perfect picture of a grandmom..she always had cookies in the cookie jar and my grandpop would cut up cheddar cheese and put it in a jar cause thats what we always wanted when we went over there.and they always had the creal on a low shelf so we could reach it..she spoiled us and I had her in my life until i was 50.. she died at 90 after a fall…If I could be 1/2 the grandmom she was then I will leave this earth a Happy grandmom

My mother still lives..but my children dont really know her because thats the way she wants it..only saw her when we all happened to go to my grandmothers(my mothers mother..the one that was the best grandmom in the world).for dinner on Sundays…neverf had one on one time ot even a conversation with any of my children..we saw her on Christmas every yer when they were growing up nd she spent lots of mnoey on them but kids didnt now who bought them what..they thought Santa brought them she only did it to make herself feel I thank God I had the grandmom that I was blessed to have….Theres just no greater love than the Love of a grandmom…

Edit post

Being a grandparent as opposed to being a parent..

We do things different with children as opposed to grandchildren..our lives are at a different place now..we have the time and energy to do these things with the grandkids..when we had the kids we were either working outside of the home or a homemaker both equally tiring and we are at a different place…I as the grandmother of 7 often (maybe once every three months) have a pizza party sleepover at grandmoms…they all pack a bag with one of their own toys from home(God knows I have 4 toy boxes of toys at my house)they pack a pair of jommies(pj’s) and thats it…then we watch movies..color in the at least 60 coloring books I have for them..we build legos,,we eat pizza (I even let them each have a little bit of ginger ale with their pizza)then sometimes the boys(3 of them ages 6,5, and 4) set up the train tracks and start playing with Thomas and other trains I have here) and then the girls go play with their pet shop pets and dolls and even sometimes cars..then I take a break and then we sleep and wake up and eat honey nut cheerios for breakfast and play awhile ..then moms and dads come get them..what did they learn…family…

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Quess what?? My brother Scotty came to visit me was around 11 something in the morning Tuesday January 26, 2010...I got a phone call,,I didn't recognize the number and usually don't answer it if I don't..well I answered it and the voice on the other end said " Are you home?" Um I just answered the phone so I think I am..didn't even recognize his voice...he said "Its Scott..I'm in the city and I told you when you called me last week that I would visit next time I was in the city:...well I was so happy and excited..I said , "Right on, come on", we hung up and I waited...he came within the half hour and we had a nice visit..want to do that again....he stayed about an hour and a half..(on the clock)....I felt good all day because of this visit..I hope he feels the same way...I would like to do this like maybe once a month...So thank you God for this day as with everyday...but this was way special...Thank you

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


I called my younger brother on Thanksgiving to wish him a “Happy Thanksgiving” cause well he's my brother ,, he and his girlfirned of 18 years had broken up a few months earlier and I knew he’d be alone on Thanksgiving.. my kids (all but one is out of the house with families of their own) do their own thing and they all come to my house on Christmas…well while on the phone with him I invited him to my home for Christmas ,he thanked me and I told him he didn’t have to commit to it but we would love to see him..he doesnt even know 6 of my 7 grandchildren and we only live 10 miles from each other..I told him now that we are older( both in our 50’s)and ya never know what tomorrow has in store….so come on and lets get some pictures and have a good time he said okay but I’m not promising anything..I said okay I love you ..and we hung up…well I went to a lot tf trouble..with extra goodies I know he likes and just the cleaning of the house was different cause OMG my brothers comin..

Woke up Christmas morning with anticipation of having all 4 of my children and all 7 of my grandchildren and my kids significant others at my house for Christmas…they would start coming around 3 or so after they had breakfast and their kids had their Christmas at home first…I was happy…I was also preparing for my brother..I hadn’t called him to verify I just wanted to see what happened…well the kids started coming.. we had had our first major snow storm only 5 days before and there was still snow piles and people putting cones and chairs in “thier spots” I kept looking out the window looking for my brother to make sure he found a spot to park…the kids grew up in this house and neighborhood so i knew they’d find a spot even if it was a few blocks away…kids got here and I was still watching out of the window..and kept thinking I heard knocks at my front was noisy in my house and several times I would ask one of the kids to check the front door to to see if that was Uncle never was..until one of them said “Mom hes not coming”…I just knew he would be do you turn down an invitations like this.. and guess what he never came….the story continues….stay tuned…
My father would always call and want to go to lunch..when he did that I knew he had something important to talk to me I would always go..he usually wanted to talk about his insurance poliicies …what I needed to know if something should ever happend to him..he told me I would be his executrix and that I should divide everythng up into 3’s for me and my 3 brothers..I hated when he would have these “talks”..He died March 16th (10dys after my birthday) 1989…I was 36 years old…he died of lung cancer 4 months after surving his aeorta tearing from his heart and hanging on by one thread..Thomas Jefferson Hospital saved his life…they never saw the lung cancer..he recovered from the aeorta incident after being in a coma for 45 days..only to pass away 4 months later from the morphine for the pain…I miss my grandmother and my father..

..My father was the perfect father..he always told me as as young teenager that I could be Miss America…I knew it wasnt true..but he really thought that..he always boosted my self asteem and because of him is why I am who I am…I am the oldest and the only girl to an Italian father thats as good as gold..I was his princess and when he passed away I knew he was at peace and no longer in pain and I knew exactly what his final wishes were …because of all the ’talks"..and everything went smoothly…I could let him go because he knew how I felt about him ..I always told him I loved him.

My dad was a poor ole’ Italian boy..he had 11 siblings..we were close with most of them growing up..I remember some of the best times in my life is when my uncles Louie, and Nicky, and Johnny would come by the house with their families and my father and his brothers would play the guitar and the harmonicas…they used to play “Burning ring of fire” by Johnny Cash,,,and my dad used like to play Mona Lisa…some great times and good music


I grew up in a middle class neighborhood and had parents who worked grandparents lived 2 blocks from us and we always saw them..every Sunday was church then to Mommom and Poppops for dinner..we would play game sfter dinner and then watch the Ed Sullivan show..sometimes we had to sit thru Lawrence Welk and a movie came on every Sunday night at 7 …Disney movie…had the best childhood…then I grew up.. left at 18…had my first child at 19 and soon after that marriage failed….I went on to find true love for 15 years anyway and 3 more children later …it failed also…

At this point in my life my mother is alive still she just turned 77 and we have no relationship..for whatever reason is unbeknownst to mother has 3 children who she chooses to have no contact with..its a sad story..and I have journals all over my house with writings of my mom and how I wish she was in my life..I have written to her many times and asked why and I never get an answer…my children never knew my mother,their grandmother..although God did bless me with the best grandmother in the whole world(my mothers mother , no less) and she was like a mother to me and she adored my children and they did get to know her..only one of my grandchildren ever got to meet my grandmom…the others were all born after she passed away…she fell in the bathroom of the retirement home she was staying and died 13 days week to the day after her 90th birthday…I thought I was going to die the day she left us..I still cry for my mother at 56 years it doesnt matter how old you get …you still long for your mother..

..she chooses to be by herself ..I have written to her ..I send her gifts at Christmas and flowers for her birthday and Mothers day..every year for a long time..I do get thank you notes back in the mail..I last saw my mother when I rode in the car with her at my grandmothers funeral back in 2002..and before that it had been years also…someday I will gather all my notes and journals and write a book on this relationship we have or should I say don’t have…

It is a sad story of my mom..I blog often about it..I cry even at my age 56 for missing my mother …i have journals full of thoughts of my mom…but thats a whole nuther story....I love my mom and send het flowers on her birthday..send her gifts at Christmas and for Mothers day..I always get thank you notes from her..I keep her posted with grandkids pictures and she comments on them(they are her great granchildren) and she only knows one of them (the 15 yr old) and has only seen her 5 times in her i do what I can…end of story..

Monday, February 1, 2010


I ran into a stranger as he passed by
"oh excuse me please", was my reply
He said "Please excuse me too,
I wasn't watching you
We were very polite, this stranger and I
we went on our way and we said goodbye
But at home a different story is told
How we treat our loved ones young and old
Later that day ,cooking the evening meal
My son stood beside me very still
When I turned I nearly knocked him down
Move out of the way I said with a frown
He walked away his litte heart broken
While I lay awake in my bed
Gods still small voice came to me and said
while dealing with a stranger
common courtesy you use
but the family you love
you seem to abuse
Go and look on the kitchen floor
YOU'll find some flowers, there by the door
Those are the flowers he brought for you
He picked them himself , pink , yellow and blue
He stood very quiet not to spoil the surprise
You never saw the tears that filled his little eyes
by this itme I felt very small
and now my tears began to fall
I quietly went and knelt by his bed
"Wake up little one, wake up . I said
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found them 'em out by the tree"
I picked them because they're pretty like you
I knew you'd like them , especially the blue
I said, I'm very sorry for the way acted today
I shouldnt have yelled at you that way
he said "Oh mom that is okay
I love you anyway
I said 'Son I love you too
And I do love the flowers, especially the blue."


1. Bobby's sense of humor

2. Bow's wisdom

3. How sensitive Davina is

4. Jeanells smile with her beautiful teeth

5. The smell of fresh cut grass

6. What a rainbow looks like

7. The taste of a fresh picked tomato

8. The smell of a nice summer rain

9. The words to "My baby boy"

10.The feel of my grandmothers cool soft lips

11.My childhood

12.How my father loved me

13.smell of a newborn baby

14.Eboni's laugh

15.That I saw Jesus outside of my window on 4th street when I was about 11 or 12...

16.The taste of a 3 musketeer bar.

17.How the moon looks on the bay..

18.Gabby's laugh

19.How pretty Shai is

20.what a genius Dallas is

21.Dellaneys dainty pretty smile

22.Davion's gorgeous smile and raspy little voice

23.How Brayden loves Thomas the train.

24.How fiesty and pretty Jolie is..

25.How I love Lacey like a daughter..

26.How patient Darnell he truly loves his family..big Teddy Bear...

27.How my father leaned forward in a chair and put his hand down his shirt...I remember that...

Sunday, January 31, 2010


I can't even imagine what I would have done with all of these hours that I have spent on Bonanzle..What if that one day I didn't go into the Harley neighborhood on Ebay and see this post from a person who was sounding down and out and at the end of her rope...Her house was going into foreclosure.. this and that and the other was going on with her ex..and omg..Well I knew she had a store on Ebay so I decided to go check it out..I saw a "lot" of 100 pair of alpaca silver dangle earrings for a very reasonable price...I wanted them but didn't have the money that particular I told her I wanted them..she told me she also had them in her booth on BONANZLE.. First thing I thought was "What the hell is a BONANZLE?" I clicked the link she gave me and I went in to explore...Since I am also a seller on Ebay and really tired of their policies anymore I was looking for another venue to sell my wares I signed on to Bonanzle and the next day I started listing and the rest as they say is History..I have been there a little over a year and have sold 175 items ..far more than on ebay..

But although that sounds grand...thats really not the most important part to me...Sure I want to sell and make a few dollars..I like doing that..but I like the friendships I have made there..Its the God's honest soon as something happens I want to go tell my friends on Bonanzle and most of the time I do..I go and start threads on who knows what...I have friends in real life but don't get to see them on the phone occssionally..Truth be told I need something to do..I'm all growed up now...Lol and I need something that I'm interested in..I like making jewelry..there are so many people out there making jewelry..and so much competition on any venue I would choose to sell on...some beautiful jewelry out there too...

Today is the Big Bonanza Block Party on bonanzle..Mine starts at 12 Pacific time which is 3 eastern time..thats in about 15 minutes....If I could make one good sale I would be happy..I just bought a shirt and a velour jacket for my oldest daughter...

So as a footnote to this whole blog is that the person who first introduced me to Bonanzle I noticed no longer sells on there..I lost touch with her and I wish she would look me up..I am at the same place...But I did thank her at one time letting her know I was doing great and this was what I was looking for ...

Monday, January 25, 2010

Not sure How I should feel..I called my brother..

Yeah I was really angry that he didn't show up for Christmas..we grew up having the best Christmas's in the world..we did well..every Christmas we went to mommom and poppops ..might have been maybe three times that they came to our house..we only lived a few blocks from each other...we always made out great...Scotty was the one who handed out the gifts to everyone...did it all the way until we had our last family Christmas the year my grandmom sold her home and moved into a Mennonite retirement home ...her brother was there and lots of people she went to elementary school with..I swear ..I kid you not...I'm not sure of the year but I'm thinking 1995 or so....Scott and his then girlfriend Pat (they just broke up after 18 years...never lived together..never engaged..neve married to each other...)came down and my other brother Barry and his wife and 2 children at the time...we had fun...Then that was it...My brohter Barry and his family and my family became estranged in 2002 after the reading of my grandmothers will..He swears me and Scotty had something to do with the way things turned out..but I swear we didn't..No one ever talked to me about a will per say..I wouldn't have understood or been interested anyway..So it is what it is...I remember talking to Scotty on Thanksgiving...this was the first Thanksgiving he spent without Pat and he was just home watching TV...I called him and he told me he was going to the doctors for depression..but the thought never occured to me when he didnt show up for Christmas that that had anything to do with it..I talked to a friend whom he keeps in touch with and she lives near him..I told her to tell him thanks for not showing up..that I was upset...she just told him that I was dissappointed that he didnt show up...that was cool..she said he was home on Christmas csuse thats where he needed to then I wasn't as angry..I was I called him and I cried..cause I'm a cryer and I can't help just I cried.....he apologized and said hes feeling better and promised he would show up for the next thing I invited him to...I said cool and we said talk to you later....I feel better ...