most recent writings about my aging and my mother..

I notice age in my face over the last year of so..i can see my grandmother in me…thats a good thing..I can’t move as good as I used to…think my mind is still sharp..lol…I am bolder now than when I was young because I’ve earned everything I do and say ..i do care to a certain extent what others think about me..but my action or reaction to a situation has nothing to do with what others think about me..I am just me..and thats okay I think…I am calmer now than when I was younger..things that used to upset me dont so much anymore..I’ve learned its not worth raising your blood pressure over some things..I think I have finally matured at 57…lol..somewhat


I’ve been getting gray since I was 18…hereditary..i used to color it until about 10 years ago when the whole went blonde…not sure how..its not white..its not gray ..its blonde…I am naturally a strawberry brownish…my mom is a red head with frecklesand my dad was Italian…but now its blonde..crazy



I’m very pleased with each advancing year..It stems back to when I was forty..I was a bit upset about reaching that milestone, but an older friend consoled me "Don’t complain about growing old, many many people do not have that privelege…Earl Warren Chief justice 1891-1974

can you believe that a month ago I had to tell that to an 18 year old..my granddaughters friend..her birthday was coming in a few days and she put her head in her hands and said “OMG!” I’m gonna be 18…and I told her first of she sounded ridiculous saying that..lol..and then told her I knew people that passed at 14 or younger..so be glad you will see 18….

I dont remember thinking about age until recently…and I still love getting older…

my grandmother was always gray my whole life..she was 40 when I was born and thats all i ever knew her to be…a beautiful gray..thats the new style now..even young girls are dying their hair gray..lady gaga is on the front of a magazine with her hair gray

I do love aging…I love learning..but I have to be honest…the things I dont like about aging is losing some of the most important influential people in your life..friends and family begin passing away and your own mortality is right in front of you..I feel like I have so much more to do and will there be time..I don’t want to leave my grandchildren .I want to see them old..my grandmother passed when I was 50..we were both lucky..her seeing her oldest grandchild that old and me for having her in my life so long..I thank God for that..she was the most important person in my life …she passed away one week to the day after her 90th birthday ..from a fall..I had spoken to here right before the fall (13 days before her death) and she said to me " Can you believe I will be 90?" and I asked her how that felt…she said it was wonderful and that she wasn’t ready to go anytime soon..she wanted to stick around to see what happens…I spose she’s watching from above

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age…Gloria Pitzer

the great secret that all old people share ist hat you really haven’t changed in 70 or 80 years…Your body changes, but you dont’t really change at all…Doris Lessing…

I remember about 10 years ago..i was visiting my youngest son at the supermarket he works in ..at the deli..it was the beginning of the month.around Social security check day..lol. and this \elderly woman was in front of me..she was just as crabby as ever..whining about nothings and just erking everyone..and I remember thinking to myself…Oh well shes old, let her be…hope I’m not like that when I get old…well the moral is..I am not like that because thats not me…so that cranky old woman is still the same as she ever was only older…she was probably always the one in the crowd to erk people..lol

The only thing that really saddens me at this time of my life is that where I thought I was gonna be right now I am not..I married at 19 had a baby at 19 divorced him by the time I was 22…remarried at 23 ..had 3 more babies…and have been separated from #2 for 20 years…we have 7 grandchildren and I thought we would be sharing that part of our lives together…he became such a loser (still is)that that dream became impossible…Its his loss I used to think..but its all our loss..my children don’t really have a relationship with their father and my grandchildren dont know their maternal grandfather..so sad…all the way around..but I shall move forward and continue to be the best grandmom they ever had and maybe that will help…lol

savor all the memories..have scrapbooks and photo albums full of them..but theres so much that is missing..but I don’t dwell on them I just made mention..but hopefull i can be like Judy and find love again..I would not hesitate ..I love love..but right now I need to take care of me…get my knees done and lose this weight ..then I can do my thing..lol…

..I have a big book called GRANDMOTHER REMEMBERS.and its along the lines of a baby book or a scrap book..it asks questions…like where did you meet grandpop etc..there are lots of pages for your own stories etc..and I have started it..I have no relationship with my mother..my kids barely know her and only my 16year old granddaughter has ever met her and we haven't seen her in 8 years now..but thats how she likes it..so there my kids missed out on a grandmother..although they had my grandmother in their lives..and my grandchildren dont know their great grandmother (my mother) so I have a lot of shoes to fill..but you know what..I’m just me and they love thier grandmom and I know that..and I feel it every time I see them…all 7 of them…I make it very easy for them to love me …because I love them…and they won’t miss a thing or want for anything

My grandmother used to tell us stories too..I wish she was here now cause I have lots of questions that my mother probably doesnt know the answers too..I know my grandmothers mother died of polio when my grandmother was aorund 14 ..and her father was killed by a truck rollin on him…my granmother was the oldest of 3 children and had two younger brothers that she raised…I also am the oldest and have two younger brothers…my mother was an only child..one day my grandmother was sitting on her back porch in her favorite chair and was just staring into her back yard..I asked her what she was thinking and she told me then that she had regretted not having more than one child..at that time my mom wasnt coming around a lot and that had a great impact on my grandmother…my grandmother was more of a mother to me than my own mother..my grandmom passed away after a fall in 2002..my mother is 77 and I just got a letter from her saying she was doing fine and told me to write and send more pictures of the grands.I always write to her and try to send pictures of her great greandchildren and I send gifts for Christmas and her birthday and mothers day..even though we havent really had a relationship since I was 19..I am now 57…I learned a lot from my mom on how not to be…