the continuing saga of me and my brothers ..

Well last Wednesday Scott(my youngest brother) called from his work cell phone and said he was in the neighborhood and could he stop by...I said sure and within 10 minutes he was here..It was great to see him as usual..and he looked good..a bit grayer (used to be a carrot top)..hes still thin as always of course..a little pot belly..he didnt get the "fat gene". so we chit chatted and took a few pictures with the new camera I got from my daughter for Christmas...I love my camera...I don't like my picture taken so none of them pictures were good enough for me...my hair was back..no make up on...not even a bra...lol...he told me a few things that he found out about my other brother and said he was gonna call our mother for some legal reasons...business from the death of my grandmother 9 years ago.....the three of us are now all in our 50's and each of us has health issues...we havent spoken to or hadnt seen our brother in almost 9 years...I asked Scotty to ask my mom for our other brothers address that I would love to try to get in touch with them..to see how they're doing...he didnt say anything as he went down the steps to leave....I love you we said to each other like we always say in person and on the phone...I thought about our visit for a long time after he left..I always liked seeing him...he is 5 years younger than me and he is truly my baby brother...

A few days after Scotty's visit I posted this on facebook....
My phone rings tonight and its an unfamiliar number...I don't usually answer a number I dont't recognize...but I answered...the voice on the other end says."Brenda, do you know who this is?' don't know why I didn't recognize the voice right away..., I said , "who is it" , she says "Carol".. I cried..my sister in law whom I havent heard from in 8 years...we talked for 2 hours...its a good thing...
I am only posting my comments from the thread..since I dont have the permission of others that commented...

yeah it was a shock. we grew apart after a family incident..we are all in our 50's now and its time to grow old together..thats the plan...

saw my youngest brother the other day after 2 years...what the heck is going on..must be in the stars...

we all have health issues too and I said its time we got serious and take care of ourselves so we can get old old together and our kids can get back together..their youngest son(Dominic) was 7 when I last saw him hes 15 now and remembers me and hollered thru the phone.." I love you Aunt Brenda..."

that's awesome...my kids have cousins their age they could be playing with :((written by my youngest daughter Jeanell)

woke up off and on all night , like I usually do anyway, but had lots of thoughts and pictures of my brother and sister in law and neices and nephew and their kids on my mind...we are in our 50's now and gray and its been 8 years...we've all changed and the kids are grown and its scary and exciting all at the same time....

Its about time u 2 talk( written by my brother Scotty...refering to me and Carol talking..)

barry called first scott (my other brother ..to those that dont know..the one I saw just the other day and showed his pic on here...lol)...and left a message...I didnt see it..then carol called and for some reason I picked up....

Carol and I were friends in junior high and high school...we went to each others pajama parties and to us my brothers were just little punk kids at the time...funny a few years later she wound up marrying my brother Barry....small world...


funny thing about this whole thing is ...my sister in law called my mother the night of the day that my brother Scotty had called her for legal reasons...and he must have told her that he visited me and must have told her MY health issues (he has a few of his own)...so when Carol called my mother must have told Carol about MY health issues because one of the first things Carol said to me was "Barry tried to call you earlier, he left you a message, we were worried about your health", this is after not speaking for 9 years...Carol got my phone number from my mother who never, ever called me once in life) ...so I ask you my readers...Why didn't my mother call me to inquire about my health....?? I am 58 years old (in about 3 weeks) and she is 78...shes not been a part of my life ...she felt it neccessary to let Carol know about my health..but she wasnt worried enough to call me herself...I swear I never did anything to my mother..I wasn't a kid that got into a LOT of trouble..I grew up in the 60's so take it from there...I had an excellent childhood....my mom was part of my chlldhood...we never really hung out or anything..I am the only daughter...and she is an only child...her and her mother got closer the older my mom got...my grandmother worked all of her life and my mom had lots of babysitters etc...my mother and i grew apart the older I got...she doesnt know my kids..she's seen them and has been in the same room with them and has broken bread with them...we had Christmas at her moms (my favorite person in my life) forever...and me and my chldren would visit my grandmother as often as I could..I worked a lot ..supporting four children on my own...and we would see my mother and her boyfriend on a Sunday if they happened to stop by for dinner on their way home from the mountains...shes never had a conversation with one of my children...and out of my 7 grandchildren she has only ever seen one..the oldest..who is now 16 and my mother hasnt seen her in 9 years ..in those 9 years I had 6 more grandchildren...my mom only lives 45 minutes away from me and we have never been invited to her home..I have invited her here but shes never accepted...and so the story goes...will continue later...

Tonight.. Thursday Feb. 24, 2011 my oldest brother Barry called me and we talked a long time ...until his cell died...then he called me back on my sister in laws phone...its been almost 9 years since we talked...he told me his doctor told him to go to the ER tonight or right to his office first thing in the morning..hes going in the morning ..he called our mom right before he called me and he was acting like he was saying goodbye to us...Carol (sister in law) tells me hes giving up...I asked him why hes giving up...we could have at least 40 more years if we just take care of ourselves..we both need to lose lots of weight...We can do this though..He was breathing hard just talking to me on the phone..he was trying to lay down and couldnt breathe...we are not going to live much longer if we keep going on like this..I have to do this ..and then maybe he will do it too...we have to maybe inspire one another...I have 7 grandchildren and he has 4...10 of those 11 are 9 years old and under...one is 16...Barry has a 15 year old son....why does he want to give up?? Don't give up...getting healthy will give us something to do...we will feel better...and thats what I'm looking forward too...Let's do this...

childhood memories..randomly....

I have a zillion childhood memories…I remember moving to East Fourth Street when I was 5..I loved 4th st…I went to the same elementary school from Kindergarten to 6th grade and grew up right in the small town with all my classmates…I remember the Hermans, and the Friels, were our best neighbors..we always went to the Hermans cause they had a swing set…their dad was a grouch..he didnt like kids..I remember he was bow legged…and he would always tell us he would hang us up on the clothesline by our ears if we were bad…he meant it ..but we thought he was grouchy and funny…they had a playhouse too and about 6 of us would play school a lot…and we would take turns being the teacher and grading papers..what a fun time..then I moved when I was 12…to the same town ..just a bigger house cause me and my brothers were getting older and we needed our own rooms…and more space…I still went to Jr.high with most of the kids I went to elementary school with from 7-9th grade…then high school..10-12 with the same kids…how cool…I still know a lot of them and keep in touch thru facebook, emails, and real life..I loved my childhood…I still love my life..with all the ups and downs a long the way


I remember me and Barb..shes my best friend from birth( our mom were best friends) picking tomoatoes from any garden we saw them in and ate them right then and there..would eat so many my lips would get sore from the acid in them…she lives in Hawaii and we have always been in touch ..but alwas in different parts of the U.S…then 2 years ago we reunited after 43 years…and it was like we never left one another..it was surreal…one day I hope to visit her in Hawaii…


I grew up in the 60’s and things were so much simpler than..we used to hang out when I lived on 4th street mostly at my girlfriend Barbs house all summer long..they had 6 kids and Barb was the second oldest..we hung with her older sister Alma ..they didnt have a lot of money and both parents worked…so they left the 6 home alone..we would always stay around the house and eat ketchup sandwiches sometimes….My mom and their mom were our brownie leaders and we had meetings on Tuesday nights at St Johns Baptist church ..had so much fun…her mom was the craftiest person I knew..she always had us doing some kind of cool craft…miss them days

Well we are well into the New Year ..Its been quite awhile since I've "blogged". cause sometimes I have so much to say and don't know where to start and other times I have nothing to say....Christmas went according to my plan...I always plan things well....I'm good at that....got to see all 7 of my grandchildren and took pictures of them..and they got to play together for a few hours...the oldest is 16 so she was into her own thing...

We didn't go with tradition this year because as I said in an earlier post ...my daughters are not speaking...its so ridiculous that its not even worth talking about...the tradition since my grandmother passed has been to meet at my house every Christmas..thanksgiving every piece of the family did thier own things..like stay home or go to their significant others families homes for the day...Easter is at my youngest daughters house cause she goes all out ...egg hunts..all the accessories..big ballons outside...even and Easgter treee...shes anal like that...she is like that for birthday parties and Christmas also....people in the neighborhood always comment on the way she decorates outside at any given event...they look forward to it...

this year I said I wasnt having the 2 girls together in my home so that one could say something smart-assed and the other one would respond and all hell would break loose...so I decided (along with my daughters) that my oldest daughter would stay at her place with her man...and her kids would come to my youngest daughters home where the rest of us would be..my youngest son came down with his 2kids and brought my oldest sone(they live together now)...it all worked out..the kids all opened gifts together...and played all day together..we had a great ham dinner and they all went home...I stayed at my youngest daughters until Jan 3...2 weeks I was there...I like being there ...but I have to get home and back to my bed and laptop and my cat roscoe...

I'm not making any resolutions as I usually dont for the New Year...when I quit smoiking it was on April 12,2008...cold turkey...just did it..I geared up for it for about 2 years..not for that date..but just hating myself and every cigarette I lit...I always hated smoking and this is the 5th and final time I quit..I will never smoke again and I know I won't because the torture I put myself thru with every light up and every puff is something I do not want to fill my head with again..I am free and it feels good....I do have a goal to lose 100 lbs this year and I have already started and feeling good..I am simply going to eat sensilbly...I know what I do wrong and I will correct it...get off the chocolate..i get my chocolate fix by having one slim fast shake a day in place of one meal...and I have these Quaker mini rice cake , whole wheat cookies with chocolate and or chocolate mint on them..only 90calories and they are good...I'm eating more fruit and vegetables...I have always loved fruit and veggies..just always reached for the junk instead...I am not saying I'm on a diet...IU ma changing the way I eat...I am lifting weights for about an hour or more a day (not at one time) only 5 lb..weights for now...and I try to move my legs as best I can..I have severe degerative arthritis in my knees , hips and back...and I know I have to lose this weight before I can even have knee replacement..I will complare notes one year from this day to see where I stand on all this talk....I hope to have lost 100 lbs...I need to lose more than that...but I will be so happy with that....I pray for my God to be with me on this journey and help me help myself to stay alive much longer..I have things to see and great granchildren to meet one day....I want to stay around to see what happens...like my grandmom used to say...she passed at 90..one week after her 90th birthday...after a fall...I miss her and know she is watching over me...I dont want to see her or my dad yet...I know they are safe and one day I will join them...but maybe not for another 40 years....

I'm beginning to become one of those people that does not look forward to Christmas..I am thinking of enjoying the day by myself..my kids just are starting to get on my nerves..2 are always fighting over ridiculous things..the tradition is that we all come to Grandmoms house (thats me) for Christmas..Thanksgiving is already like that..they do their own things with their own families and I get to just chill for the day...I'm thankful for that..but Christmas is a time for all 6 of the youngest grandchildren to get together..I try to get them together throughout the year for an overnight pizzas party at my house..we all live within a 15 mile radius of one another..but ya know life gets in the way sometimes and we dont always have the means or time to get them together more often...

Right now my 2 daughters are fighting..which isn't relly anything new ..and the youngest is stubborn and holds a grudge forever..so who knows if they will ever speak to each other again...maybe at my funeral..this happened 2 years ago and my oldest daughter and her family did not come to my house that year..that sucked...not sure what will happen this year...

Think I will cancel Christmas at grandmoms this year..the house isnt ready..I'm not ready..oh Christmas is still the birth of Jesus Christ and I will honor it as such...will send gifts to family...thats what most of it is about to some...will keep you posted on the events that occur from now until then...21 more days from today...

This Thanksgiving is off Kilter...

Thanksgiving is in 3 days..Not the same as it ever was this year..When I was growing up Thanksgiving was always at my grandmother and grandfathers house..(on my mothers side)..We could have been a Rockwell painting..there was the 5 of us and my grandmom and grandpop...my Uncle Alley ..who was my grandmothers brother who lived with them..and for awhile thats who was there..then as we grew up and had significant others and children it grew to 13 sometimes 15 of us...we had a great time..we would all purposely not eat a big breakfast..just a little something to hold us over ..cause we would be smelling food all day long...thats what we loved..and there was so much food..my mom and my grandmom always did the cooking together and me and my brother Barry did dishes..sometimes I would wash and my mom would dry or my grandmom...would clean up the kitchen and then go into the living room...the adults would watch Lawrence Welk and the kids would play games...the old traditional games..Candy Land, chutes and ladders, tiddly winks, play cards...then we would get ready and go home...

Things are so different now..grandmom and grandpop are gone...my mom never carried on the tradition..I did with my kids and theirs for a few years..then we all decided that on Thanksgiving each family would do their own thing..whether it was having dinner at their own homes or going to friends homes or the family of their significant others...but this year everything is out of whack...my daughters are fighting and my sons had an argument..my youngest son and his girlfriend broke up in May and his children will be spending most of the day with their mom and her family...I am going to my youngest daughters home to help her sort thru a lot of clothes and just spend a few days..shes a vegtetarian so as far as turkey I'm not sure whats going on there...my oldest daughter is hosting dinner this year but not for us ...for the other side of the family I guess...I know it will be a birthday party for my grandson Davion who just turned 6 included in there..I'm getting him and Gabbie (his sister, my granddaughter) pillow pets..wanted to have them for the 15th...his real birthdate..but that didnt work out..cause the stores that sell them dont sell all of them and I need the turtle and the unicorn....My oldest son who lives with me will stay home chillin...so thats the plan ...lets see how this plays out...Christmas is another story...tradition is no matter what ..everyone comes to my house..my oldest daughter and her family missed it a few years ago cause the girls were fighting them too...whats a mother to do?? so for Christmas will keep ya posted on that one...can't wait to experience this one...Happy Holidays!!!

Happy 81st Birthday Dad...R.I.P Miss you

This is one of the times of the year when I think about my dad the most..His birthday often fell on Thanksgiving..tomorrow will be his birthday. Thursday will be Thanksgiving..

Miss you dad...wish you were still here..You left way to young...only 2 1/2 years older than I am right now..Kind of puts that in perspective..What would you have been like at 81...you would have gotten to know my kids more...and probably Barry's kids too...we havent spoken in eight years..I know you don't like that..but he is stubborn so the rest of our lives will go on without knowing each other in our older years..such a shame how things go sometimes..and all for nothing..a misunderstanding..false accusations..but I've had to accept this and go on..Mom doesn't keep in touch..she's always been distant with all 3 of us...I wonder whos thinking of you today..if I had a way I would come visit your resting place...which will be my resting place one day..hopefully not for a long long time..I just have some health issues I have to handle..I am working on them...quit smoking 2 years ago..retired from the Po..about 7 years ago..for health reasons..but I have so much I want to do . . so I really need to handle some things in order to be able to do them..I have a new candy invention I want to work on too..maybe be like Famous Amos and become a sensation...set my family up for life..still playing your number..you know the one you always played...I haven't won on it yet ...but I won't give up just like you didn't..odds are it has to come out in a lifetime..just hope its when I've played it..I salute you when I win...what am I grateful for?? I'm grateful that i had such a wonderful, perfect father..I dont have any horror stories to look back on...no beatings, I dont evern remember you ever really hollering at me..I was a good kid...wonder why mom never liked me...I think its cause you and I got along so well..remember how that used to be said way back in the day...I have the best childhood memories ever..vacations, sunday rides to the country, picking dandelion and going home and eating it in the salad for dinner...I remember you hunting..I remember going with you one time..I remember riding with you in your milk truck...I remember how you always loved the dogs we had..tubby, pepper, pleto, my cat Marbles..who got squashed in the intersection at 4th and Line and I had to see him on my way home from school...think someone could have cleaned him up so no kid had to see that..there was the school a block away...I will continue tomorrow..thank you for the best life ever..because of you dad I am who I am..You always told me I was beautiful and that I could be Miss America if I wanted to be...wow...you're still the best in my heart...Good Night...Happy Birthday dad....Brenda...

Happy Birthday Little Dude...you're six today!!

Hey Dude,,,

Today is your 6th birthday...I wish for you the very happiest , funnest , bestest day ever...did the kids in school know it was your birthday?? were you shy when someone said Happy Birthday to you? or did you give them one of those famous smiles of yours..it really is the cutest...anyway grandmom just wanted to say I wish you a Happy Happy Birthday...

Makes us take a look back only a few short years ago...did you have issues and I can't believe how far you've come..You had and still have every allergy (almost) known to man...you drank the nastiest formula in the universe...the smell was horrible so I know the taste was too...but you drank it..and the foods you can and can't eat and the countless amount of creams and lotions and the hours your mom spent in caring for you..is just astronomical...(mom will tell you what that means..lol)

I want you to know that I love you very much and I am so proud of you..for being a good boy..for doing good in school and for taking care of yourself by knowing the foods and drinks you can and cannot have..Hopefully my prayer is that one day you will outgrow many of these obstacles...if not then you will just handle your business..that much I know..can't wait to see you and your sister...we'll have to have a Grandmom Pizza Pajama party over the holidays...Love you Little Man..

Love always,
Grandmom....