A FRIEND FROM BIRTH...LITERALLY!! TO BARB

Dear Barb,
I'm at a loss as to how to explain my love for you.....I have friends in my life..most of them are life long friends...I still keep in touch with Daisy Steinborn ..met her in 4th grade I believe, theres Ann and Connie from junior high..from about the age of 12 or 13...theres Deb Vincent from junior high...from age 13 or 14....and there are others that I just reunited with on the internet...maybe from classmates or some other source...but you and I ...well you and I go as far back as two people could possible go....birth....we hung out in Hatfield as toddlers and young children...we grew up together in the most formidable time of our lives in Lansdale...our young days and tween days...somehow we've tried to keep in touch throughout the years...we did off and on...and thank God we are now and always will be...I miss you and wish we could "do lunch" on the spur of the moment if we wanted to...so many memories we have...good times ...hope I never forget...we've talked about a lot of them...But seeing you last June of 2008 or was it July...in Lansdale,,,in Memorial Park..was surreal...can't believe we actually put together a plan and did it...Now I just have to keep my part of the next deal and get my health together and get my butt to Hawaii...I am so afraid to fly...but I will have to do it...hmmmmmmm!!! I wish for you the best life has to offer...so glad you are happy and have a partner who loves you! Please lets never lose touch ..EVER!!! I love you and miss you immensely...your life long friend Brenda Sue

So many memories but the one thing we both remember is that we used to pic fresh tomatoes from anyones garden and eat them right there on the spot...used to eat so many my mouth would get sore...still love me a just picked garden fresh tomatoe...could go for one right now...love you Barb...

I TOOK A BIG STEP TODAY..FOR MY FINAL DAY...

Was something I've been wanting to do for awhile..make arrangements for the end..My father is buried with his mother and father and I just didn't know where to start..so happens I received a packet in the mail..I saw Riverside Cemetery on the front and is sparked an interest...thats where my dad and his parents are buried.
I read thru the brochures and pamphlets and included was a mock contract in case you were interested,,had the breakdown of the financial side of it...looked doable , even with my fixed income...I sent in the postcard for free information and within days I had it...I called and made an appointment for someone to come out and talk things over wih me..while I was on the phone the woman on the other end asked me if I knew Margaret,,at first I thought of my Aunt Peggy my fathers sister...but she said she was married to NIck..so that was my Aunt Margaret..swell she passed a few years ago and my Uncle nick died before her..also have a cousins baby twin in there and the father of one of my cousins..they are everywhere and thats where I want to be...the plot itself is already paid for by my grandfather..My grandmother and grandfather came from Italy when she was pregnant with my father..I'm impressed that they bought 4 plots.....I got the last of the four..I guess no one else took that one because they all had partners that I spose they wanted to be buried next to...but there all there .close to us..I don't have a partner in life so I claimed it..I'm paying for the vault and the opening and closing(diggin the dirt and putting the dirt on the vault)...and the service with an overhead thingy..still have to do the funeral parlor and get the casket..This is not as gross as I thought it might be..Its a neccesity and my grandmother on my mothers side and my father both ahd theirs ready when they passed and we had an easy time of burying them and had time to grieve...My kids aren't liking that I'm doing this..but one day they will understand..this will help them in the long run...It's the weirdest feeling its not like I'm in a hurry to get there by no means but I'm looking forward to resting there..its a beautiful cemetery..and I'm in the SUNNY SIDE LOT..LOL It's nice to know I will REST IN PEACE..I hope its not for another 40 years...

I have a case of writers block right now..

Just realized its been almost 2 weeks since I've written anything..lots happening just don't have that urge to write about anything in particular...grandchildren have all started school..all but one is attending school this year...3 of them are in pre k one is in kindergarten, one is in first grade and the oldest one believe it or not is in the 10th grade...wow...where did the time go...>???

It's 4 am on a Sunday morning...spose to be going to Brayden and Jolies birthday party today,,,not sure if we can go..dallas and Dellaney have been sick for a few days now ...Jeanell has had to nebulize laney a few times...they've had fevers and coughs and snot snots...lol that what we call a runny nose...well I will write when I have the urge to really say something...later!!!

TO MY MOTHER BEFORE I GO...9/6/09

Dear Mom,

I love you, I always have , I always will. I'm sorry our relationship has been so far apart all these years..Years niether one of us will ever get back..YOU chose not to be a a part of my life, or of my childrens lives, or their childrens lives...I'm sorry I have to explain to them who you are and show them pictures of you from 30 years ago or longer...Sorry for you , for me, but especially for the children. They have a grandmother who is alive who chooses not to acknowledge them..My children will never know what a "grandmother" is ..The only taste of one will be the memory of MY grandmother..I thank God they have those memories..My grandchildren have ME and they will have wonderful memories. I wish you would have gotten to know how precious each one is..how they can make you laugh and they can make you cry..Each one is a gift from God!! What a loss to your life,,what a beautiful assett knowing them could have been to YOUR life.!!
I am so sorry for YOU and for US!!

I write this in case I go before you..My health isn't all that great and I just needed to write to you..
I take nothing in my life for granted! There's always been a hole in my heart where you should have been!!

P.S. If in Heaven we should meet, will you be my friend then?

I'M REALLY BORED

I am totally bored..Nothing happening on Bonanzle right now..wrote in every thread I could find pertaining to something I might me interested in..I'm getting ready to order a grilled chicken caesar salad..omg I used to really be hooked on them ..Now I only get one maybe once a month..salad is fine but I like the caesar dressing... this place makes their own..another place I get the salad from has the packaged Paul Newman ceasar dressing ,,I think not as tasty missing the raw egg I believe cause of the health scare with raw eggs..but I like this other places much better..Tonight I have the craving so I shall indulge this evening..i did have a good day. went hunting for homeowners insurance and it went well...so thats a good thing..Life is good and I thank God each and every day..several times.. and on that note I'm outta here..hugs to all...

SONG I WROTE FOR DALLAS

There's a new world somewhere , they call the seventh sun
And if you ever go there , tell them you're the one
You're the one that makes me happy, you're the one that brings me joy
Then you tell them that you are my baby boy

My baby boy, my baby boy
then you tell them that you are my baby boy
then you tell them that you are
You are my shining star
then you tell them that you are my baby boy!


I wrote this when he was about 3 months old..I used to put him on my chest and sing to him. we would sleep sometimes for 6 hours in one position...

Now hes 5 1/2 and is starting kindergarten in a few weeks..I have been watching him all of his life ...then laney came along and I watched both of them all their lives while their mom went to work..she works nights so they would spend 3 nights a week at my house..they moved out of my house and back in twice so they've been with me all of their lives..Now my job of watching them is over..they will both be going to school soon and now its my time to find out what I want to be when I grow up..lol

TODAY WAS SPOSE TO BE MY DAUGHTERS WEDDING DAY....BUT

instead I cry with a broken heart..shes okay..she puts on a front that shes okay and I think she will be..She has to hurt..no matter what she tells me..she said "I'm okay mom, I don't hurt and I'm not mad anymore"!..I said I was glad..now if WE can just get through this day...after all I am the Mother of the Bride.. bottom line is I am her mother..and just like when she stepped on glass on the playground and had to go to the hospital..I could feel her pain right in the pit of my stomach..just like when she broke her arm on the same playground,, I remember feeling the pain..if I could have taken all of her pain I would have...Today is no different..I hurt for her...I hurt because she hurts..shes still my little girl..she is my baby..she really is the youngest of 4 children...She has a great group of friends that have been there for her..she called the wedding off about 2 months ago and at first it was hell..but as time goes on shes starting to come back...but its just that TODAY WAS SPOSE TO BE HER WEDDING DAY!!!