MY GRANDBABY IS GREIVING..

My heart hurts for her ..Iknow how she feels ..when I was her age I lost a few friends...first friend I lost was Carol Wilson..I was in 7th grade I believe...we were 12 ...I think she was 13...she had an older boyfriend dave and he was driving when the car went out of control and went into a little pond...him and 2 other people in the car survived...Carol did not...A friend Warren Clark was killed in a car accident .so was allen Landis...not the same accident..and Duke Bitting..he drowned in the Perkiomen Creek....but back to my granddaughter..her friend DeShawn died from an asthma attack...seems to me that that shouldnt have happened..I dont know all the details...but shai is heartbroken...they were in advisory together and were friends...shes had people pass in her life before...my grandmother..her great granmother..Ella Mae.. Shai was only 8 at the time...she wasn't real close to her ..so this is really the closest I think..and its hard...hard to understand why God would take such a young soul ,,a good soul...in such a way...I dont have the answers for her except to say that God wanted him home...I hope she understands ...and never forgets her friend...thats the best way to keep him here...to keep his memory going......always...

I DID THE WOE TONIGHT AND IT GOT ME THINKING...

Well , tonight I hosted the WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT on Bonanzle...My theme for the night was HUMOR...for the first 40 minutes or so I was by myself ..posting funny graphics..some of Maxine, some silly quotes ..silly jokes I had in my files..then people started coming in and enjoying what they were reading and maybe getting a chuckle ofr a laugh along the way...they came back in with a funny joke ..their stories. and funny graphics...I laughed at some, I chuckled at others...havent even read the whole thread yet..and I'm going to save it in my favorites in case one day I need a laugh or a smile...it feels good to do that every now and then ..Laughter is good...got me to thinking that I really don't laugh enough..I may smile...or giggle or chuckle...but I havent really laughed in a good long time...and I think a nice good laugh would do me good...feels good on the face...like everything is lightened and lifted...feels nice to laugh....

DO WE STILL FIT IN???

The story of my life is a long and interesting one...I would think..I'm not getting into all that now...but today I realized something I wasn't aware of...Bobby is my oldest and he is white...the other 3 are bi-racial .I was aware of that..lol...when we moved here as a family 30 years ago it was like we almost fit in..not right in...but it was cool..noone really bothered us and that was long ago...we went about life...kids went to multiracial schools and all became well adjusted kids...Bobby was a bit of a hoot from the age of 14...he rebelled and I dont think it was because he was in biracial suroundings as far as our family went...I was a bit of a rebel myself and came from a great childhood and wonderful parents and grandparents...normal home life..anyway. about Bobby...hes the only one left here with me ...his white mama..so now here we are 2 white people in a predominetly black neighborhood...theres a few whites ...and a few Chinese and a few Puerto ricans scattered about...and its a middle class hard working neighborhood...Middle America...I've been "MOM" to many of the kids from the neighborhood over the years...most hung at my house playing video games rather than going out in the streets...bobby had been going to the store since he was 5..we were in a different neighborhood then...but he did it..hes now 38 and hes still going to the store...he still wants a list ,,,like always...As he was getting ready to go to the store today..I said,"Just pick up a few things and hurry back,"..I worry I always worry not because of the neighborhood per say...but there are people maybe not from the neighborhood that may not know Bobby...but he let me know that he doesnt even realize he's white when he goes to the store because everyone has known him for the last 30 years in this neighborhood and he fits right in...But I still worry.....I would really like to sell this house and move to a ranch home ..because of my arthritis and not being able to walk..being on one floor would be ideal...most of this house is being wasted because I can't go up and down the stairs...so I never get to the kitchen..Bobby cooks for me and helps me...but I can't really afford it by myself anymore...my bills are exceeding my income...only time will tell...!!!

I know I only write about things in my life..These are the things that are going on and I dont know what else to write about..I could write about World Peace...but there is none ..I could talk about how good things are in the worlds economy but we all know where that stands...so I write about my thoughts...on my life as it is...there are some things about my life that I can't or won't put in writing..I would like to write to each of my children and some of them may not be happy with what I have to say...I just think they could be doing better with themselves and their lives with their families...instead of complaining about how bad your life is...do something about it...get up and do something....who raised you I wonder sometimes...lol...continue later...

HOW COULD THIS BE??

So I spent 30 something days at my daughters 20 minutes away and then when I finally come home I bring her 2 children ..Dallas and Dellaney...I am so hooked with being with them that when they leave there is such an emptiness...I believe this is why I spend so long of a time at her place...just nothing in this ole house for me anymore...I've outgrown it..I've raised my kids in what at the time was a mixed neighborhood...since 3 out of 4 of them are mixed...now its just me and Rob left and we are the minority now and really don't fit in anymore...I mean no one causes trouble with us or anything...after 28 years in one place you kind of become a "fixture"...But my health warrants that I be on one floor...where I can get to the kitchen and do for myself...right now I'm dependent on Bobby and I really don't like that...thinking of selling this house and finding something ....gotta do a lot of cleaning up my credit though...gotta make some changes...too old to live the rest of my days like this and still young enough to want changes...

That was my Vacation for sure..

Well I didnt really go anywhere...about 20 minutes away to my youngest daughters home in the Northeast...I only intentionally was going for a weekend...for a Princess party she was having for her 5 year old daughter....my granddaughter Dellaney...but 3 days turned into four then I may as well stay I said til at least next Sunday since we were having a large neighborhood yard sale on Saturday...well we had an awesome yard sale...made over 100 dollars...so then her car wasn't running good and I didnt want to chance breaking down on the Boulevard..so I said I'll stay ..maybe we can "hook" up a ride with someone one of these days...My son Rob was at my house to feed my cat Roscoe so there was nothing to really hurry back to..Rob was okay hes 38 for God sake and he was having a "friend" over anyway....well one week turned into 2 weeks and so on and so forth...I helped my daughter go through tons of clothes that don't fit the kids anymore..we now have some of them on Ebay...make some lots and put them on Bonanzle...they are selling too...always looking to get rid of "stuff"..my stuff may be someone elses treasure..lol...well I'm back home now...and after spending a month at their house I brought Dallas and Dellaney home with me...been 4 days now and they just don't get on my nerves too much...they watch cartoons..play video games and spend lots of time with Uncle Bobby...school starts in 3 weeks so I spose they will have to go soon...just giving their mom time to pack some things and help a friend make tshirts for a large order...the kids love it here and aren't bugging to go home...we have plenty of food and juice and goodies for them ..so they are happy...and so are Uncle Bobby and I...we love having them here...puts some noise in the house...then when we've had enough it will be time for them to go and we will miss them after day one...lol

MY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Today is July 8, 2010...this is my 36th wedding anniversary....Although we have been seperated for 19 of those years we are still technically, legally married..I tried to get the divorce twice, but didnt have his address for the Constables to serve him papers...What?? anyway...we are still married...haven't seen him in about 5 years or so...I'm not going to even go into all that right here...but Its a bittersweet day for me...I can't help to know that it is July 8 and July 8th has significant meaning in my life..I can't deny it..cant get arond it ..now way ,no how...so ..it saddens me the way things went down..but 36 years ago I remember how I felt..I was euphoric...I was in love...like nothing else in my life, so glad to have ever even felt that way and to know I was loved the same way back...it was the real thing, the real deal...I was also 8 1/2 months pregnant on our wedding day...this was my second child and we didnt marry because I was pregnant...we had marriage planned way back when I left Pennsylvania to move to South Carolina to be with him...I already had a child from my first marriage which I thought I was in love and I guess I loved him...we were so young and well I had Bobby and the marriage failed...okay back to this day 36 years ago....we got married by his uncle ,,who was a Dean in South Carolina (some religious title with the ability to perform wweddings)...our two witnesses was the deans wife and my husbands mother...It was nice and my wedding ring was a Old Milwaukee beer tab...it was 1975 and life was simple...everything was perfect...we were "high" on life....Life was good...we lived with my mother in law...15 days later our daughter Davina was born...life was even better now..We both fell right into parenthood together...He was a great father..changed diapers, cooked, helped keep things together...he was in college taking accounting at the time...then he worked in some tool and dye factory...he got educational benefits from the VA...he was shot in Vietnam and was discharged honorably.....and the story continues..but for today I want to remember how it was....and not the fact that so much got lost..he is now the grandfather of 7 children that he doesnt know and that don't know him...and to me thats the saddest part of it...its life and we will never get this lost time back...and I feel sorry for him)...because I am in the childrens and grandchildrens lives...every day..in person or by phone...every single day...and I am eternally grateful for that...Thank you Lord...for life has been good and life had its bad parts...but I would not trade one moment...I thank you for the priveleges, the rewards, and the journey....its been a trip!!!!