To My Mom (written May 2009)

this is something I journaled one morning..it is not finished or fine tuned yet..


In my older years
I long for you
just like I did back then
only now I'm closer to the end
I've faced the fact that
I'll never see your face again
or have I accepted that??
the older I get the less I cry
cause some say its your loss
I'm not so sure thats totally true

My heart thats been broken by a man
has always repaired with time
not so sure that will happen here
pretty sure a piece of my heart
will always have a void
where you should be
not so sure I understand
but guess I'm not sposed to
God gives us nothing we can't handle
so I live without you
doesn't mean I don't miss or love you
put no one above you
and hope you'll have a change of heart
before its way to late
cause once we're gone..we're gone
I'm sure I'll see you on the other side
I've loved my children in spite of you
and I've learned from you what not to do..

MOMMOM AND POPPOP

I had the best grandmom in the world…I mean she was so much different than me..she cooked all the time..she sewed,,she made apple pies and applesauce and canned things..and just the perfect picture of a grandmom..she always had cookies in the cookie jar and my grandpop would cut up cheddar cheese and put it in a jar cause thats what we always wanted when we went over there.and they always had the creal on a low shelf so we could reach it..she spoiled us and I had her in my life until i was 50.. she died at 90 after a fall…If I could be 1/2 the grandmom she was then I will leave this earth a Happy grandmom



My mother still lives..but my children dont really know her because thats the way she wants it..only saw her when we all happened to go to my grandmothers(my mothers mother..the one that was the best grandmom in the world).for dinner on Sundays…neverf had one on one time ot even a conversation with any of my children..we saw her on Christmas every yer when they were growing up nd she spent lots of mnoey on them but kids didnt now who bought them what..they thought Santa brought them all..so she only did it to make herself feel better..so I thank God I had the grandmom that I was blessed to have….Theres just no greater love than the Love of a grandmom…

Edit post

Being a grandparent as opposed to being a parent..

We do things different with children as opposed to grandchildren..our lives are at a different place now..we have the time and energy to do these things with the grandkids..when we had the kids we were either working outside of the home or a homemaker both equally tiring and gruelling..now we are at a different place…I as the grandmother of 7 often (maybe once every three months) have a pizza party sleepover at grandmoms…they all pack a bag with one of their own toys from home(God knows I have 4 toy boxes of toys at my house)they pack a pair of jommies(pj’s) and thats it…then we watch movies..color in the at least 60 coloring books I have for them..we build legos,,we eat pizza (I even let them each have a little bit of ginger ale with their pizza)then sometimes the boys(3 of them ages 6,5, and 4) set up the train tracks and start playing with Thomas and other trains I have here) and then the girls go play with their pet shop pets and dolls and even sometimes cars..then I take a break and then we sleep and wake up and eat honey nut cheerios for breakfast and play awhile ..then moms and dads come get them..what did they learn…family…

THIS IS ONE TIME I WAS HAPPY TO HAVE BEEN WRONG.

Quess what?? My brother Scotty came to visit me today..it was around 11 something in the morning Tuesday January 26, 2010...I got a phone call,,I didn't recognize the number and usually don't answer it if I don't..well I answered it and the voice on the other end said " Are you home?" Um I just answered the phone so I think I am..didn't even recognize his voice...he said "Its Scott..I'm in the city and I told you when you called me last week that I would visit next time I was in the city:...well I was so happy and excited..I said , "Right on, come on", we hung up and I waited...he came within the half hour and we had a nice visit..want to do that again....he stayed about an hour and a half..(on the clock)....I felt good all day because of this visit..I hope he feels the same way...I would like to do this like maybe once a month...So thank you God for this day as with everyday...but this was way special...Thank you

MY BROTHER SCOTT

I called my younger brother on Thanksgiving to wish him a “Happy Thanksgiving” cause well he's my brother ,, he and his girlfirned of 18 years had broken up a few months earlier and I knew he’d be alone on Thanksgiving.. my kids (all but one is out of the house with families of their own) do their own thing and they all come to my house on Christmas…well while on the phone with him I invited him to my home for Christmas ,he thanked me and I told him he didn’t have to commit to it but we would love to see him..he doesnt even know 6 of my 7 grandchildren and we only live 10 miles from each other..I told him now that we are older( both in our 50’s)and ya never know what tomorrow has in store….so come on and lets get some pictures and have a good time he said okay but I’m not promising anything..I said okay I love you ..and we hung up…well I went to a lot tf trouble..with extra goodies I know he likes and just the cleaning of the house was different cause OMG my brothers comin..

Woke up Christmas morning with anticipation of having all 4 of my children and all 7 of my grandchildren and my kids significant others at my house for Christmas…they would start coming around 3 or so after they had breakfast and their kids had their Christmas at home first…I was happy…I was also preparing for my brother..I hadn’t called him to verify I just wanted to see what happened…well the kids started coming.. we had had our first major snow storm only 5 days before and there was still snow piles and people putting cones and chairs in “thier spots” ..so I kept looking out the window looking for my brother to make sure he found a spot to park…the kids grew up in this house and neighborhood so i knew they’d find a spot even if it was a few blocks away…kids got here and I was still watching out of the window..and kept thinking I heard knocks at my front door..it was noisy in my house and several times I would ask one of the kids to check the front door to to see if that was Uncle Scotty..it never was..until one of them said “Mom hes not coming”…I just knew he would be here..how do you turn down an invitations like this.. and guess what he never came….the story continues….stay tuned…