In response to someone who had father troubles..MY MOM

 there is not only physical abuse but also mental abuse..my mother was never close to me..I being her only daughter tried until her death 2 years ago to have a relationship..I took it personally at one time but she didn't have a relationship with my two brothers either..she divorced our father for another man and it seems she divorced us too..I had 4 children that never got to know her..oh they saw her when we all showed up at her mothers (who was like a mother to me).but she never had a conversation with my kids or my brothers kids..we all wondered why she hated us so much.for years we were tormented with this..until we decided we had to go on and just be family ourselves..I would send her letters with pictures of my grandchildren and she always sent a 3 line thank you note to me..said she loved the pictures..I would send her cards and gifts every birthday ,mothers day and Christmas and always getting a thank you letter back.nothing else..her husband passed and it got worse....when I was 56 I wrote and told her we were both elderly now..didnt she thing we should do lunch and get to know each other before it was too late..she said let's keep it this way..once I was an empty nester I would wake up in the middle of the night and find myself crying for her..doesn't matter how old you get ..you long for your mother..she is gone now ..and somehow I am at peace..I no longer dwell on seeing her because I know I can't I guess..she dies the way she lived..alone.,.I can't get into the details ,,its sad...I felt bad that I didn't grieve maybe like I should have..but I realized that she was gone from me 40 years ago...I had done all my grieving all those years..I was grieved out..but she taught me one thing without even knowing it..how NOT to be..we never had lunch together ..never went shopping together..I make it a point to do these things with my children while they were growing up and still to this day....sorry didn't mean to hijack this post..just got me going...Kevin I am so happy you are the man you are..and I too am a good person and God Bless my mom.wherever she is

MOTHERS DAY 2013..the best one ever...

To some Mothers Day is just that Mothers Day..this year it meant so much more to me than ever...as most know that know me or have read some past blogs of mine that my mother and I didn't have the best relationship...not for the lack of my trying..its just the way she wanted it..she was estranged from me and my two brothers, who are both younger than me..she was in my life until I was 19..then after that it was mainly gone..but every year I would send her flowers for her birthday, flowers for Mothers day , a gift for Christmas..I would keep in touch with letters and pictures of the kids and grandkids..she always wrote a little thank you note ..I wrote letters and asked her if we could meet for lunch..I was in my 50's and she was in her 70's..I thought it was time she got to know me as an adult..before it was too late..it never happened and in December of 2011 my mother passed away..I remember always looking for a card to send her on holidays...Hallmark just didn't make the right kind..they were to mushy and nothing said it like I needed it to be said..she WASN'T there for me , EVER...I can only thank her for giving birth to me , raising me to a certain extent, and for showing me how to sterilize bottles and nipples when my first child was born....

This year my daughters really told me how they felt..they always got the mushy cards for me ..cause I was always there for them..my mother taught me how NOT to be..that I can also thank her for..heres a few things my daughters wrote to me on facebook..this is a post my daughter Jeanell wrote to me..

Awwww it felt so wonderful to wake up to so many Happy Mother's Day messages  I have to give the biggest Happy Mother's Day wish to the best mama in the world....my mama! The one who has raised me by herself into the woman I am today, the one who is helping me raise my own children because their father chose not too....I couldn't love and appreciate you more Brenda Moultrie...hope ur day is awesome!

This is a post I posted on Mothers day..

I want to wish all mothers a Happy Mothers Day..especially to my two beautiful daughters Davina Marie..and Jeanell Mommysamiracle Moultrie who together gave me 5 beautiful grandbabies..and to Lacey Mancuso who gave me 2 gorgeous grandbabies and the youngest..I love you all more than anything and am thankful for each day I have with you all...you are all the best..Happy Mothers Day my angels

comment from my daughter Jeanell.. Happy Mother's Day mama! Love u a million!!!

comment from y daughter Davina Marie..I have learned everything i know from my mother and i am so proud to be her daughter and the crazy thing is she didn't have that bond with her mother so she raised us without a blueprint and she did a damn good job.. im knocking on 40's door and yet im not finished being raised.. i still need her wisdom,her encouragement, her guidance.. i couldn't imagine life without her!! Thank You Mom! I love You!

my comment after theirs.. Wow..I am so happy thay my children feel that way about me.we as mothers do the best we can and never expect any thanks..so when we do get it ,it kind of lets us know we did alright and our kids will be okay long after we are gone..that in itself is the greatest gift of all..I struggled most of my life trying to have a relationship with my mother..I could never say these things to my mom..she was never there for me and wanted it that way..away from my brothers too..she passed away lonely.never really knowing me or my children or grandchildren..I always loved her though..but her mother my mommom was the best role model for me..I miss her immensely..thank you Jeanell and Davina for being who you are.

this was one of the best Mothers Days ever. I had four of my grandbabies over night. I got to wake up to thier luscious little faces, I hated when they left..they will all be back next weekend..they cry when they have to leave..thats a good thing..love that they love it at grandmoms.I loved it at my grandmoms. First picture is of my oldest daughter Davina she is 38 and the mother of my first and oldest grandchild , my granddaughter Shai'ana who will be 19 in two weeks..she has two other children also..Gabby and Davion..the middle picture is of my grandmother ..me on the right and Davina on the left holding Shai'ana many years ago..my grandmother passed away in 2002 at the age of 90 from a fall..the last picture is my youngest daughter, my baby of them all Jeanell who will be 33 in a few weeks..she is the mother of two of my grandchildren..Dallas and Dellaney..My son Clifton is the father of my two youngest grandbabies Brayden and Jolie..I have an older son robert..who is 41 and has no children..

Happy birthday to me..the big 60

Well, I am one day away from my 60th birthday..I was told I was born in a snowstorm..and we are supposed to be getting some snow Tuesday into Wednesday..now I know there are those that don't like snow..but I love snow..I love the beauty of it..the memories as a child and love watching my grandchildren play for hours in it..I for one and hoping for some measurable snow..that would be the perfect birthday present to me..we will see..If not I am sure I will have a great day anyway..being here at my daughters with 3 of my 7 grandchildren is fantastic..I may even go visit 2 others and the other 2 will call I am sure..I do get a lot of attention from my family on my birthday.I try not t make a big deal about it because after all it is just another day on the Gregorian calendar..I am however grateful to be here for my 60th..a year and a half ago I wasn't sure I would be here..after a few health scares..I still have congestive heart failure and still have some weight to lose but I no longer need open heart surgery..I was thinking of having a big bash this year ..not sure yet..the kids want me too..don't really like all the attention..I really don't..but anyway..to all my friends and family..I love you all and hope to be able to see 61....Amen..

OTHER PEOPLES ANNOYING CHILDREN..

Okay let me start out by saying that I love children...most children..well I guess I LOVE them all just don't LIKE some..I have four of my own, 2 daughters and 2 sons..boy girl boy girl..okay great..I have seven grandchildren which are the lights of my life..everyone of them is well mannered, well behaved..rarely do the brothers and sisters fight each other..of course there are occasions where that"s not true..saying all this to get to my point..I have been staying here with my daughter for over a month now..for no other reason than because my house is so big and lonely and I am a great help to her and she is a great help to me..she is a single parent ..although her childrens father comes around occassionally to take them for new sneakers or to take them to lego land or a place called Dave and Busters which is an large glorified Chuck E. Cheese..that's a whole other blog and story in itself..so on with my rant..each morning around 7:45 my daughters friends children come to my daughters house because their mom has to go to work and Jeanell (my daughter) takes her kids and her friends kids to school a little after 8...and like I said I LOVE children..I would even go so far as to say I LOVE these two..a girl which is the oldest(9) and this annoying little boy (6)..the minute they walk through the door it starts..my grandchildren are just rolling out of their beds and these other two are already at it..they constantly fight..no matter what the sister says the brother has to dispute it..If she said the sky is blue he would dispute that..his little voice is so irritating to make matters even worse...their mother knows they act like this because one will tell on the other..and they get butt whoopings..not beatings..but they get whoopings and get grounded and things taken from them..I know this..they are warned to be on their best behavior when they come to my daughters house in the morning..their grandmother is in Texas and they miss her immensely..so I try to give them some grandmotherly love..I try to talk to them about how God gave them each other and they shouldn't fight so much and love one another..I told them that when they do that whether home or at my daughters house that they set the mood for the day.....do they hear me ? YES..do they care? apparently not because 3 minutes later they are arguing over something else..right now at home they are on punishment for arguing..no tv for a week..the little boy told me I don't know whey ..we didn't fight at all last night..I said but you are on punishment for arguing the night before ..so you shouldn't have  argued last night..I try I swear I do..I give them examples and life lessons I learned along the way..but ya know what I can't save the world..but my daughter can stop them from coming to her home in the morning and getting her kids days started on the wrong foot..her kids are always telling them to stop and its just not a good way to wake up and start your day..so off th school they just went and the house is quiet..and I am waiting for my daughter to bring me my hot tea from wither WAWA or Dunkin donuts and a breakfast sandwhich..that's what I want today and damn I deserve it..well folks until tomorrow...another day..yikes..okay summer is almost here..lol

My 60th year..

I told my kids I would love to have some kind of party to celebrate my 60th birthday coming up soon..I'm not really one to have parties for my birthdays..my brother and I always had a double party at my grandmoms when we were growing up since we are 5 days away..he is march 1 and I am March 6..I am 5 days short of 2 years older than him..as we got older we would sometimes still celebrate together..than about 15 years ago our relationship got a bit estranged and we are just now finding our way back..not sure for how long..hes hard to get along with or hard to understand sometimes..Anyway..I usually just got o dinner with one or two of my kids..I have four..but this year I want all four and their significant others (well only one has a steady significant other and all the grandkids..would really like to get some old friends together that I used to work with before I had to leave because of arthritis..still talk to some on facebook ,,even a few by phone..would be great to get together..maybe I will..there's a Chinese buffet place near us in Philadelphia and they do an all you can eat kind of party in a room they have..large beautiful room..will help you decorate and you can invite 50 people ..it costs about 10 a person..that's not bad for the room and all you can eat..but i would call and see if I can have where I invite like 25..don't want 50..I will keep you posted on what we or I decide on..I am grateful to be turning 60..kind of proud actually that I made it this far after 2 years of going through health issues..some life threatening..my father passed away 3 months after his 60th birthday..the women in the family way outlive the men..so I hope I carry suit on that one..we will see..I look forward to my 60th..

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES EVEN MORE NOW..

Yesterday in Philadelphia we had an Amber alert for a little girl who was abducted from her classroom at 8 something in the morning..why she was allowed to leave without someone having to sign her out with proper ID is still a mystery..We had it posted all over facebook and twitter and anywhere else we could post it..she is only 5 years old..someone in a muslim garb said she was her mother and she was allowed to leave..it wasn't until 7 hours later when the REAL om came to pick her up that they realized they let her go with a complete stranger...well at 4 something this morning she was found under a jungle gym in an suburb of Philadelphia called Upper Darby..matter of fact it is right at the end of Philadelphias border..a man on his way to work heard her crying ..she had only a t-shirt on..she was cold and told the man she was taken from her school..he immediately took her to police..she is now in Childrens Hospital with her mom being checked out...This to me is a miracle..they are still investigating..I'm no detective but it sounds to me like she must have escaped..the man was in the right place at the right time..Thank God..this could have been disastrorous...I am so happy for her and her family and for the city of Philadelphia..for those of us that were panicking..that have children and grandchildren in the school system..and after the tragedy in Newtown ,Conneticut in December of 2012..how was this allowed to happen...that is the question right now..but all in all she is safe..and for that we are thankful...just wanted to share this good news story....

Heres to a New Year 2013...

Well two years ago I wasn't sure where I would be..In April of 2011 I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure ...A fib..and was told I needed open heart surgery..by August of the same year I was called "a  miracle" by my cardiologist Dr. Thomas Diaz after he told me I no longer needed open heart surgery..by that time I had lost 40 pounds and was taking better care of myself..I made it through the year 2011. In January 2012 I was very sick and my daughter Jeanell after consulting with my older daughter Davina made me go to the ER...I was told I had pneumonia and even worse than that I had almost "bled out"..I had 4 units of blood left in me where the normal being has 11...whoa...!! so I was admitted and had to have 7 units of blood pumped back into me..I was in ICU for 2 days...I was being treated also for the pneumonia and after a weeks stay I was allowed to go home...I also have 2 stomach ulcers and in March had to have a second endoscopy to see if the medication had helped to reduce or eliminate them...they were still there so the medication continues...so for the most part I was doing okay in 2012 after the first three months....so here we are January 1, 2013 and I am grateful to be here...although I had lost 90 pounds..I gained a few back and am working on getting them back off..I see the cardiologist every three months or so and next time I will have an electrocardiogram done to make sure the ole ticker is hanging in there..I need to do better with the foods I eat..but I need someone to get the right foods for me..I could eat salads all day long..fruits and vegetables are fine with me..love them and have gotten used to them..I hardly eat any choclaote anymore , which used to be a real big downfall of mine..eating three 3 musketeer bars a day faithfully ...I like actually eating healthy...and if done right you will feel full and lose the weight without much sacrifice or effort.....So God if you will see to it that I stay the course we can do another year with no problem..I have much to do and lots to see yet...I would love to meet you one day,,but am not in a hurry to do so..you are with me always and I already know you...I thank you for my lifes journey so far..for the ups and downs for I've learned from them all..for my four children...for my seven wondrful , beautiful , adorable grandchildren..I would love to live to be the oldest living being one day please..I want to see the grandchildren grow up, do what they want in life,,I am curious to see what each one will choose to do...who will marry and have children..which one will find the cure for one of the many diseases known to man...which one will become president..this is my prayer...Thank you and Amen....