THINGS THAT AFFECT MY LIFE

Enjoy Life while You can....my story of now..

2011-11-16T07:00:00.000-08:00

It's been months since I've blogged about anything...recently my puter has been down..A lot of people reading this may already know what I have been going through the last few months..At the end of April I had to be rushed to the hospital because of shortness of breath...it had been going on for a few days but I kept taking cold meds thinking thats what it was...not sure why I thought that..since I am overweight and on high blood pressure meds...which by the way I hadn't been taking for a few months because my doctor wanted me to come in for a re-evaluation after being on the same meds for 10 years...I didn't want to go to the doctors so I stupidly just stopped with the meds...cause they all needed to be refilled and the doctor had to either call it in or write me a new prescription...

I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure...had a severe leaky valve and an uneven heat beat...I stayed in the hospital for 6 days and was sent home with 6 different medications to take...was told I needed open heart surgery..which entails about a 5 hour operation...on a heart and lung machine...a 12 inch incision on my chest...imagine laying in bed each night anticipating this...and to know your children are out in the waiting room waiting for some word on the progress of the surgery...just heartbreaking and I cried a lot...
After being sent home ...things changed for sure...I no longer craved chocolate like I was so addicted too..I was eating a full cake in a day by myself occassionally...every day I needed 3 3 Musketeers...now I no longer even want them...my diet has way less salt and I dont really even miss it..there are so many other seasonings you can use to make up for the lack of salt...and you just get used to it...I am eating way less only because I want less...don't for some reason have the same appetite...today is November 16, 2011..and since May I have lost 56 pounds....it wasn't even hard to do...and thats without hardly any exercise...because of the degenerative arthritis in my knees I am limited to what I can do as far as exercise is concerned...I do what I can do ....I make myself do exercise and try to get up and clean...I still get out of breath ..even just walking to the bathroom which is about 10 steps away...I get dizzy a lot and have to take lots of naps bacause of the meds....On August 11 I had an appointment with the best cardiologist ever...DR. Thomas Diaz and he did an electrocardiogram on me and came in the room afterwards with the biggest smile on his face and sat down...crossed his legs and said.." I didn't do anything...but you are a miracle...""you no longer need open heart surgery...." the leak is so small now..." Of course being the crier that I am ...I cried...I was shocked at first but cry came to me...My youngest daughter and her 2 children Dallas and Dellaney were with me this day .. they were waiting in Dr. Diaz's office for me ...I went in and told them the good news and told Dallas and Dellaney that this was because of them....and Dallas raised his right arm and said "YES"...they had the biggest smiles on their faces...it was just a great day....
I continue to lose weight and take my meds...I have a LAB TECH come out to my home once a month to take blood because I am on Coumadin and it has to be monitored...I am on the smallest amount one can take..I take 1 1/2 mg one day then 1 mg the next and so on....that seems to be the formula that works to keep my blood in check...I hope one day I can get off of some of these meds....
I am still cautious and I know that just like the leak minimized...it could maximize again...I'm trying to do things I havent done in a long time...this weekend I hope to be going to watch my granddaughter Dellaney walk in a Thanksgiving parade with her ballet class...she is 6 years old and this will be her second time walking in this parade in Mayfair in Philadelphia...its spose to be a nice day...not too cold...no rain....so hopefully that all turns out..
We will be gathering at my youngest daughters home this Thanksgiving ...so all seven of the grands can visit one another....and I miss my oldest daughter and her kids...been awhile since I've seen them....the last few years we were all just ataying at our own homes for Thanksgiving ...but this year we want to get together..and we will for Christmas like we always do....can't wait...have a new lease on life now and just want to be around family and enjoy them while I can....

How much does a miracle cost???

2011-04-21T05:06:00.000-07:00

When ya think you have a full plate...read this...so inspirational....

Enjoy….

.
A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.

Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall’s Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise.

Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good.

Finally, she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it! ‘And what do you want?’ the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice.

I’m talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven’t seen in ages,’ he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

‘Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,’ Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone.

’He’s really, really sick…and I want to buy a miracle.’

‘I beg your pardon?’ said the pharmacist.

‘His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So, how much does a miracle cost?’

‘We don’t sell miracles here, little girl. I’m sorry but I can’t help you,’ the pharmacist said, softening a little.

‘Listen, I have the money to pay for it! If it isn’t enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.’

The pharmacist’s brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, ‘What kind of a miracle does your brother need?’

‘I don’t know,’ Tess replied with her eyes welling up. ‘I just know he’s really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can’t pay for it, so I want to use my money.’

‘How much do you have?’ asked the man from Chicago. ‘One dollar and eleven cents,’ Tess answered barely audibly. ‘And it’s all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.’

‘Well, what a coincidence,’ smiled the man. ‘A dollar and eleven cents—-the exact price of a miracle for little brothers.’

He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said ‘Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let’s see if I have the miracle you need.’

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neurosurgery.

The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn’t long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

‘That surgery,’ her Mom whispered. ‘was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?’

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost…one dollar and eleven cents….plus the faith of a little child.

In our lives, we never know how many miracles we will need. A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

2011-04-12T08:37:00.000-07:00

Sept 11th (NY) Jan 11th (Haiti) and March 11th (Japan).... Weird. Luke 21:10-11Then Jesus said to his disciples : "Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes', famines and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven. 'Jesus says for behold I come quickly,' So ask yourself, are you ready?

MOMMOM

2011-04-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

this was my post to the WOE nightly thread on Bonanza.. the question or theme for the evening was If you could turn back time ..what would you change or do different...

Hi Deb…I have to think about this..at first when I read the topic the first thing that came to my mind was that I could turn back time to where my grandmother fell in the bathroom…I wish I could turn back the time and not let that happen..that fall ultimately took her life 13 days later…exactly one week after her 90th birthday..I had spoken to her on the phone before the accident and we talked about her getting ready to turn 90 and that I had just turned 50…she was ever so grateful to have lived to see her oldest grandchild be 50..she said a lot of grandmothers dont get that..but she said she wanted to stick aorund awhile to see what happens..she was not ready to go…then the fall

my grandmother was my superstar…she loved me like no one else on earth…I miss her terribly..its been 8 years…she was so healthy..went to the doctors once a year for a physical..whatever the doctor told her to do…she did…she always like a little scoop of Breyers Vanilla ice cream after dinner..but her cholesterol was up and the doctor told her to cut back and she did…she was so disciplined..I have none of that..her daughter is my mother and my mother and I have always had a strained relationship…I havent seen my mother since my grandmothers funeral 8 years ago…didnt mean to be a bummer here..and its not meant to be…just brought back some great memories

PET PEEVES (not written by me)

2011-04-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

What is a pet peeve? A peeve is usually a feeling of resentment, or maybe even a grievance. Pet peeves, then, are annoyances that never fail to put you in that mood of resentment. They also tend to be a matter of opinion, and are linked to your personality.

Pet peeves can raise your blood pressure faster than salty potato chips. What can you do?

Whatever!”
This is an especially strong pet peeve when coming from anyone younger than you are. Wouldn’t it be nice to counteract all of the rudeness in the world with the perfect comeback? Cheer up; “whatever” is a fad word and sure to become “so yesterday” any day now. We can only hope.

The attitude behind it is the problem. Brush it off if you think it was used as the young person’s attempt to be funny or hip, and back off if it was his way of saying, “You have pushed me too far.” In more disrespectful situations, you might try feigning deafness or act clueless to deflate the punchline effect. “Whatever, what? What does that mean?”

Talking Through the Movie
What can be worse than watching a movie with someone who insists on talking about it as you watch, and sometimes revealing what is about to come next? This is bad enough if it is someone sitting behind you in the movie theatre; it is even worse if it is your own friend or partner.

The answer: ear plugs. Smile and nod pleasantly, and giggle at the appropriate moments.

4. Gum Smacking
You could make up your own Dr. House-ism: “Wow, you look amazingly like the Jersey cow my parents bought me that I never wanted.” Well, perhaps sarcasm is not the polite response. Instead of screaming maniacally with insanity, picture the person as a Jersey cow. (Maniacal laughter is slightly more satisfying.)

5. Food Taken Off Your Plate
After wolfing down his food in three seconds, your partner then goes for yours. Apart from stabbing his fingers with your fork, you might suggest that you will happily share if he will ask first.

6. Lousy Drivers
Other drivers on the road can definitely be a pet peeve for many, especially those who are in a big hurry, honk at you as soon as the light turns green, ride your bumper in a 35 mph zone, or dart in front of you without signaling.
If you don’t need to drive, then ride the bus. If you do need to drive, go out of your way to avoid a busy highway. Country roads can be particularly peaceful, unless you get stuck behind one of those barn-size tractors going five miles an hour.

7. Waiters with Bad Timing
Effusive waiters are a little easier to take than those who abandon you completely. It is easier to understand why they park themselves casually in a seat and start chatting. You know they are working really hard to get that substantial tip.

Some people actually like that kind of thing – how is he to know you have about five miles of personal space floating around you? There is no excuse for the negligent waiter. Flag down the busboy and give the tip to him after he hustles up some help.

8. Know-It-Alls
What is worse than people who say “I know” after you explain something. Especially when you know there is no way they can really know. OK, maybe they did know, but it was rude of them not to pretend they didn’t so you could tell your little anecdote or share your fact. (Now who is the know-it-all?) People who stick their nose into your business, however, are a peevishly different matter.

Miss Manners (aka etiquette guru Judith Martin) recommends looking shocked and repeating “Excuse me?” until they leave you alone.

9. Toothpaste Globs
You thought the toilet paper and toilet seat would be here, but this is decidedly more irritating. When this happens, assign the sink-cleaning chore to the guiltiest parties.
10. Untrained Baggers
This is a common pet peeve unless you do not have issues with mashed bread, cold and warm items sacked together, and cleaning products thrown in with any type of food – well, who doesn’t have a problem with that? The baggers, evidently, must have been trained for speed rather than categorization.

Place the items on the conveyor belt as you would like them to be packed together. Stand next to the bagger and give polite direction, or take your own cloth bags; then you will likely be left to happily bag your own.

11. “Made in China”
This has nothing to do with Chinese culture or actual people, but with economics. When the almighty dollar is more important than the economic future of our nation … Well that is another topic. Buy American, if you can find it. And if you cannot, ask to speak to the store manager or owner and request more American-made products.

12. Faulty Fast-Food Communication Systems.
When some devices are on their last leg, hearing and being heard is of such a poor quality that it would be funny if it was not so irksome.

Upon reaching the drive-through window of a McDonalds in Harrisonville, Missouri, after a particularly taxing order, we asked the elderly lady if her job was difficult. She nodded and said, “I have been a bus driver and took care of two sets of twins.
This job is the most stressful thing I have ever done.” But by the time we passed to the next window, she was smiling. It helps to show sympathy and understanding to service personnel.

13. Discontinued Products
It is a major pet peeve to find the perfect shade of lipstick, flavor of toothpaste, shampoo product – and then it is discontinued. Two words: Stock up.

14. People Touching Your Food or Drink
It can irk you when you notice someone touch the rim of your glass when handing it to you. Or how about a server who touches your food as she sets it down? Have you ever seen people lean over your plate or drink as they talk?

OCD sufferers will sympathize. Germs and bodily fluids are to be feared above all! (Can we have a show of hands for all those who call themselves Adrian Monk?) There is no reason to become hyper in your response; a simple and polite request should do it. Preaching about germs might help, too. It will not change all of the care-free people around you, but you will gain a reputation and people will begin to respect your territory.

Whether you are a janitor, professor, editor or dentist, you have your own set of pet peeves. Your pet peeve likely leaves you feeling peevish because you are helpless to do anything about it, or the objects of your pet peeves refuse to change their behavior. Likely you have come up with your own coping skills, but if the objects of your pet peeves still drive you up the wall, try laughter.

Are You A Stress Case?
Jobs, bosses, colleagues, family, money, and time...stress creeps into life from all angles. Do you ever wonder if you are a stress case? Do you know the symptoms of stress? Take this stress quiz to discover how you might react to various stress-related scenarios and learn ways to reduce stress.

If you don’t need to drive, then ride the bus. If you do need to drive, go out of your way to avoid a busy highway. Country roads can be particularly peaceful, unless you get stuck behind one of those barn-size tractors going five miles an hour.

7. Waiters with Bad Timing
Effusive waiters are a little easier to take than those who abandon you completely. It is easier to understand why they park themselves casually in a seat and start chatting. You know they are working really hard to get that substantial tip.

Some people actually like that kind of thing – how is he to know you have about five miles of personal space floating around you? There is no excuse for the negligent waiter. Flag down the busboy and give the tip to him after he hustles up some help.

8. Know-It-Alls
What is worse than people who say “I know” after you explain something. Especially when you know there is no way they can really know. OK, maybe they did know, but it was rude of them not to pretend they didn’t so you could tell your little anecdote or share your fact. (Now who is the know-it-all?) People who stick their nose into your business, however, are a peevishly different matter.

Miss Manners (aka etiquette guru Judith Martin) recommends looking shocked and repeating “Excuse me?” until they leave you alone.

9. Toothpaste Globs
You thought the toilet paper and toilet seat would be here, but this is decidedly more irritating. When this happens, assign the sink-cleaning chore to the guiltiest parties.
10. Untrained Baggers
This is a common pet peeve unless you do not have issues with mashed bread, cold and warm items sacked together, and cleaning products thrown in with any type of food – well, who doesn’t have a problem with that? The baggers, evidently, must have been trained for speed rather than categorization.

Place the items on the conveyor belt as you would like them to be packed together. Stand next to the bagger and give polite direction, or take your own cloth bags; then you will likely be left to happily bag your own.

11. “Made in China”
This has nothing to do with Chinese culture or actual people, but with economics. When the almighty dollar is more important than the economic future of our nation … Well that is another topic. Buy American, if you can find it. And if you cannot, ask to speak to the store manager or owner and request more American-made products.

12. Faulty Fast-Food Communication Systems.
When some devices are on their last leg, hearing and being heard is of such a poor quality that it would be funny if it was not so irksome.

Upon reaching the drive-through window of a McDonalds in Harrisonville, Missouri, after a particularly taxing order, we asked the elderly lady if her job was difficult. She nodded and said, “I have been a bus driver and took care of two sets of twins.
This job is the most stressful thing I have ever done.” But by the time we passed to the next window, she was smiling. It helps to show sympathy and understanding to service personnel.

13. Discontinued Products
It is a major pet peeve to find the perfect shade of lipstick, flavor of toothpaste, shampoo product – and then it is discontinued. Two words: Stock up.

14. People Touching Your Food or Drink
It can irk you when you notice someone touch the rim of your glass when handing it to you. Or how about a server who touches your food as she sets it down? Have you ever seen people lean over your plate or drink as they talk?

OCD sufferers will sympathize. Germs and bodily fluids are to be feared above all! (Can we have a show of hands for all those who call themselves Adrian Monk?) There is no reason to become hyper in your response; a simple and polite request should do it. Preaching about germs might help, too. It will not change all of the care-free people around you, but you will gain a reputation and people will begin to respect your territory.

Whether you are a janitor, professor, editor or dentist, you have your own set of pet peeves. Your pet peeve likely leaves you feeling peevish because you are helpless to do anything about it, or the objects of your pet peeves refuse to change their behavior. Likely you have come up with your own coping skills, but if the objects of your pet peeves still drive you up the wall, try laughter.

Are You A Stress Case?
Jobs, bosses, colleagues, family, money, and time...stress creeps into life from all angles. Do you ever wonder if you are a stress case? Do you know the symptoms of stress? Take this stress quiz to discover how you might react to various stress-related scenarios and learn ways to reduce stress.

If you don’t need to drive, then ride the bus. If you do need to drive, go out of your way to avoid a busy highway. Country roads can be particularly peaceful, unless you get stuck behind one of those barn-size tractors going five miles an hour.

7. Waiters with Bad Timing
Effusive waiters are a little easier to take than those who abandon you completely. It is easier to understand why they park themselves casually in a seat and start chatting. You know they are working really hard to get that substantial tip.

Some people actually like that kind of thing – how is he to know you have about five miles of personal space floating around you? There is no excuse for the negligent waiter. Flag down the busboy and give the tip to him after he hustles up some help.

8. Know-It-Alls
What is worse than people who say “I know” after you explain something. Especially when you know there is no way they can really know. OK, maybe they did know, but it was rude of them not to pretend they didn’t so you could tell your little anecdote or share your fact. (Now who is the know-it-all?) People who stick their nose into your business, however, are a peevishly different matter.

Miss Manners (aka etiquette guru Judith Martin) recommends looking shocked and repeating “Excuse me?” until they leave you alone.

9. Toothpaste Globs
You thought the toilet paper and toilet seat would be here, but this is decidedly more irritating. When this happens, assign the sink-cleaning chore to the guiltiest parties.
10. Untrained Baggers
This is a common pet peeve unless you do not have issues with mashed bread, cold and warm items sacked together, and cleaning products thrown in with any type of food – well, who doesn’t have a problem with that? The baggers, evidently, must have been trained for speed rather than categorization.

Place the items on the conveyor belt as you would like them to be packed together. Stand next to the bagger and give polite direction, or take your own cloth bags; then you will likely be left to happily bag your own.

11. “Made in China”
This has nothing to do with Chinese culture or actual people, but with economics. When the almighty dollar is more important than the economic future of our nation … Well that is another topic. Buy American, if you can find it. And if you cannot, ask to speak to the store manager or owner and request more American-made products.

12. Faulty Fast-Food Communication Systems.
When some devices are on their last leg, hearing and being heard is of such a poor quality that it would be funny if it was not so irksome.

Upon reaching the drive-through window of a McDonalds in Harrisonville, Missouri, after a particularly taxing order, we asked the elderly lady if her job was difficult. She nodded and said, “I have been a bus driver and took care of two sets of twins.
This job is the most stressful thing I have ever done.” But by the time we passed to the next window, she was smiling. It helps to show sympathy and understanding to service personnel.

13. Discontinued Products
It is a major pet peeve to find the perfect shade of lipstick, flavor of toothpaste, shampoo product – and then it is discontinued. Two words: Stock up.

14. People Touching Your Food or Drink
It can irk you when you notice someone touch the rim of your glass when handing it to you. Or how about a server who touches your food as she sets it down? Have you ever seen people lean over your plate or drink as they talk?

OCD sufferers will sympathize. Germs and bodily fluids are to be feared above all! (Can we have a show of hands for all those who call themselves Adrian Monk?) There is no reason to become hyper in your response; a simple and polite request should do it. Preaching about germs might help, too. It will not change all of the care-free people around you, but you will gain a reputation and people will begin to respect your territory.

Whether you are a janitor, professor, editor or dentist, you have your own set of pet peeves. Your pet peeve likely leaves you feeling peevish because you are helpless to do anything about it, or the objects of your pet peeves refuse to change their behavior. Likely you have come up with your own coping skills, but if the objects of your pet peeves still drive you up the wall, try laughter.

Are You A Stress Case?
Jobs, bosses, colleagues, family, money, and time...stress creeps into life from all angles. Do you ever wonder if you are a stress case? Do you know the symptoms of stress? Take this stress quiz to discover how you might react to various stress-related scenarios and learn ways to reduce stress.

I couldn't be prouder of my oldest granddaughter...

2011-03-31T17:26:00.000-07:00

just am so proud of her…Her name is Shai’ana and she is 16 1/2…she organizes and rallies with the best of causes..this one she helped organize and left school early yesterday to attend this march in Center City Philadelphia yesterday..she organizes clothing drives and volunteer organizations for her and her friends to walk dogs at the SPCA…shes always doing community service and I couldnt be any prouder….

this is from her momma...
so proud of my bighead Shai'Ana Junai what a fine young lady she is turning out to be!!! she can check that attitude at the door tho,but she definetly gets it from her mama (~.~) who got it from her mama Brenda DiDomenico Moultrie who definetly got it from her mama ...lmao!! stand for something or fall for anything

I am trying to keep up with Shai's activities...I don't seem to have any pictures of her volunteer work at the SPCA..will have to see if I can ahold of some...Shai is a leader and an organizer..she likes doing that stuff...she likes delegating duties...and she likes to keep records of an itinerary or duties or the purpose of what it is thats shes doing...I wonder what she will be when she gets out there in the world...what she will ultimately do...journalism?? teacher?? congresswoman?? PRESIDENT??

Promise yourself to be strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel like there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and expect only the best.

To be just enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living person you meet a smile.

To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, and too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble…

A womans Creed

If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you’d like to win,but think you can’t
It is almost a cinch you won’t
If you think you’ll lose…you’re lost
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a persons will
Its all in a state of mind
Lifes battles don’t always go
to the stronger or faster hand
But sooner or later..the person who wins
Is the one whos thinks “I can”

May your joys be as bright as the morning,

And your sorrows merely be shadows that fade,

In the sunlight of love.

May you have enough

happiness to keep you sweet.

Enough trials to keep you strong.

Enough sorrows to keep you human.

Enough hope to keep you happy.

Enough failure to keep you humble.

Enough success to keep you eager.

Enough friends to give you comfort.

Enough faith and courage in yourself to banish sadness.

Enough wealth to meet your needs.

And one thing more: enough

determination to make each day a more wonderful day

than the day before.

We didnt have the Green thing back in my day (not written by me)

2011-03-19T14:46:00.000-07:00

someone posted this in Bonanza and I loved it...I can relate to most of these...Although Pampers just came out when I had my first baby..I did use cloth diapers for awhile..then I admit I used the disposables for all 4 of my children..I thought like every one else did ..that it was the thing to do...

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that plastic bags weren’t good for the environment. The woman apologized to her and explained, “We didn’t have the green thing back in my day.”

That’s right, they didn’t have the green thing in her day. Back then,
they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles, and beer bottles to
the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

But they didn’t have the green thing back in her day.

In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn’t have an
escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the
grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every
time they had to go two blocks.

But she’s right. They didn’t have the green thing in her day.

Back then, they washed the baby’s diapers because they didn’t have
the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy
gobbling machine burning up 220 volts – wind and solar power really
did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that old lady is right, they didn’t have the green thing back in her day.

Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house – not a TV in
every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish,
not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, they
blended and stirred by hand because they didn’t have electric
machines to do everything for you. When they packaged a fragile item
to send in the mail, they used wadded up newspaper to cushion it, not
styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, they didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to
cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power.. They exercised by working so they didn’t need to go to a health club to run on
treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she’s right, they didn’t have the green thing back then.

They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty, instead of using a
cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They
refilled pens with ink, instead of buying a new pen, and they
replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the
whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But they didn’t have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to
school or rode the school bus, instead of turning their moms into a
24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not
an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they
didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from
satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest
pizza joint.

But they didn’t have the green thing back then!

Just a little note for those here that have those carry bags made in China, its been found that they contain LEAD and are being pulled out of stores.
So dump them.

TODAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY...THANK YOU LORD..

2011-03-06T19:03:00.000-08:00

Yes I say Thank you Lord for letting me see another year..If I can just get about 40 more out of this journey we call Life I would be very pleased...theres so much left for me to do and see...today was a great day..Over 100 birthday wishers from FACEBOOK alone...and then Bonanza ..and many phone calls and a few visits..It was fantastic...no real big hoopla..Bobby got me a cake and him and Dallas and Dellaney brought me up 2 balloons and a lit cake and cookie dough ice cream...I took pictures and Bow came by and gave me two birthday cards.One from him and one from Brayden and Jolie..(they of course dont even know that...) love them all Davina posted a nice graphic and a beautiful poem on facebook..one of those kind of mushy tearjerker type things that I love..I could never do that for my mom or buy my mom mushy cards..because it would have just been fake or a lie...glad my kids get me mushy sentimental ones..every now and then I get funny ones too ...I like them too..the babies each made me a card...they are so adorable...wished I could have had all the kids...and I will soon...bobby made tacos and my belly is stuffed right now...

this is from my daughter Davina...very nice...

If I could give you diamonds for each tear you cried for me.
If I could give you sapphires for each truth you’ve helped me see.
If I could give you rubies for the heartache that you’ve known
If I could give you pearls for the wisdom that you’ve shown.
Then you’ll have a treasure, mother, that would mount up to the skies
That would almost match the sparkle in your kind and loving eyes.
But I have no pearls, no diamonds, As I’m sure you’re well aware
So I’ll give you gifts more precious My devotion, love and care.
With all my love on your birthday ♥

the continuing saga of me and my brothers ..

2011-02-15T16:30:00.000-08:00

Well last Wednesday Scott(my youngest brother) called from his work cell phone and said he was in the neighborhood and could he stop by...I said sure and within 10 minutes he was here..It was great to see him as usual..and he looked good..a bit grayer (used to be a carrot top)..hes still thin as always of course..a little pot belly..he didnt get the "fat gene". so we chit chatted and took a few pictures with the new camera I got from my daughter for Christmas...I love my camera...I don't like my picture taken so none of them pictures were good enough for me...my hair was back..no make up on...not even a bra...lol...he told me a few things that he found out about my other brother and said he was gonna call our mother for some legal reasons...business from the death of my grandmother 9 years ago.....the three of us are now all in our 50's and each of us has health issues...we havent spoken to or hadnt seen our brother in almost 9 years...I asked Scotty to ask my mom for our other brothers address that I would love to try to get in touch with them..to see how they're doing...he didnt say anything as he went down the steps to leave....I love you we said to each other like we always say in person and on the phone...I thought about our visit for a long time after he left..I always liked seeing him...he is 5 years younger than me and he is truly my baby brother...

A few days after Scotty's visit I posted this on facebook....
My phone rings tonight and its an unfamiliar number...I don't usually answer a number I dont't recognize...but I answered...the voice on the other end says."Brenda, do you know who this is?' don't know why I didn't recognize the voice right away..., I said , "who is it" , she says "Carol".. I cried..my sister in law whom I havent heard from in 8 years...we talked for 2 hours...its a good thing...
I am only posting my comments from the thread..since I dont have the permission of others that commented...

yeah it was a shock. we grew apart after a family incident..we are all in our 50's now and its time to grow old together..thats the plan...

saw my youngest brother the other day after 2 years...what the heck is going on..must be in the stars...

we all have health issues too and I said its time we got serious and take care of ourselves so we can get old old together and our kids can get back together..their youngest son(Dominic) was 7 when I last saw him hes 15 now and remembers me and hollered thru the phone.." I love you Aunt Brenda..."

that's awesome...my kids have cousins their age they could be playing with :((written by my youngest daughter Jeanell)

woke up off and on all night , like I usually do anyway, but had lots of thoughts and pictures of my brother and sister in law and neices and nephew and their kids on my mind...we are in our 50's now and gray and its been 8 years...we've all changed and the kids are grown and its scary and exciting all at the same time....

Its about time u 2 talk( written by my brother Scotty...refering to me and Carol talking..)

barry called first scott (my other brother ..to those that dont know..the one I saw just the other day and showed his pic on here...lol)...and left a message...I didnt see it..then carol called and for some reason I picked up....

Carol and I were friends in junior high and high school...we went to each others pajama parties and to us my brothers were just little punk kids at the time...funny a few years later she wound up marrying my brother Barry....small world...

funny thing about this whole thing is ...my sister in law called my mother the night of the day that my brother Scotty had called her for legal reasons...and he must have told her that he visited me and must have told her MY health issues (he has a few of his own)...so when Carol called my mother must have told Carol about MY health issues because one of the first things Carol said to me was "Barry tried to call you earlier, he left you a message, we were worried about your health", this is after not speaking for 9 years...Carol got my phone number from my mother who never, ever called me once in life) ...so I ask you my readers...Why didn't my mother call me to inquire about my health....?? I am 58 years old (in about 3 weeks) and she is 78...shes not been a part of my life ...she felt it neccessary to let Carol know about my health..but she wasnt worried enough to call me herself...I swear I never did anything to my mother..I wasn't a kid that got into a LOT of trouble..I grew up in the 60's so take it from there...I had an excellent childhood....my mom was part of my chlldhood...we never really hung out or anything..I am the only daughter...and she is an only child...her and her mother got closer the older my mom got...my grandmother worked all of her life and my mom had lots of babysitters etc...my mother and i grew apart the older I got...she doesnt know my kids..she's seen them and has been in the same room with them and has broken bread with them...we had Christmas at her moms (my favorite person in my life) forever...and me and my chldren would visit my grandmother as often as I could..I worked a lot ..supporting four children on my own...and we would see my mother and her boyfriend on a Sunday if they happened to stop by for dinner on their way home from the mountains...shes never had a conversation with one of my children...and out of my 7 grandchildren she has only ever seen one..the oldest..who is now 16 and my mother hasnt seen her in 9 years ..in those 9 years I had 6 more grandchildren...my mom only lives 45 minutes away from me and we have never been invited to her home..I have invited her here but shes never accepted...and so the story goes...will continue later...

Tonight.. Thursday Feb. 24, 2011 my oldest brother Barry called me and we talked a long time ...until his cell died...then he called me back on my sister in laws phone...its been almost 9 years since we talked...he told me his doctor told him to go to the ER tonight or right to his office first thing in the morning..hes going in the morning ..he called our mom right before he called me and he was acting like he was saying goodbye to us...Carol (sister in law) tells me hes giving up...I asked him why hes giving up...we could have at least 40 more years if we just take care of ourselves..we both need to lose lots of weight...We can do this though..He was breathing hard just talking to me on the phone..he was trying to lay down and couldnt breathe...we are not going to live much longer if we keep going on like this..I have to do this ..and then maybe he will do it too...we have to maybe inspire one another...I have 7 grandchildren and he has 4...10 of those 11 are 9 years old and under...one is 16...Barry has a 15 year old son....why does he want to give up?? Don't give up...getting healthy will give us something to do...we will feel better...and thats what I'm looking forward too...Let's do this...

childhood memories..randomly....

2011-01-27T20:31:00.000-08:00

I have a zillion childhood memories…I remember moving to East Fourth Street when I was 5..I loved 4th st…I went to the same elementary school from Kindergarten to 6th grade and grew up right in the small town with all my classmates…I remember the Hermans, and the Friels, were our best neighbors..we always went to the Hermans cause they had a swing set…their dad was a grouch..he didnt like kids..I remember he was bow legged…and he would always tell us he would hang us up on the clothesline by our ears if we were bad…he meant it ..but we thought he was grouchy and funny…they had a playhouse too and about 6 of us would play school a lot…and we would take turns being the teacher and grading papers..what a fun time..then I moved when I was 12…to the same town ..just a bigger house cause me and my brothers were getting older and we needed our own rooms…and more space…I still went to Jr.high with most of the kids I went to elementary school with from 7-9th grade…then high school..10-12 with the same kids…how cool…I still know a lot of them and keep in touch thru facebook, emails, and real life..I loved my childhood…I still love my life..with all the ups and downs a long the way

I remember me and Barb..shes my best friend from birth( our mom were best friends) picking tomoatoes from any garden we saw them in and ate them right then and there..would eat so many my lips would get sore from the acid in them…she lives in Hawaii and we have always been in touch ..but alwas in different parts of the U.S…then 2 years ago we reunited after 43 years…and it was like we never left one another..it was surreal…one day I hope to visit her in Hawaii…

I grew up in the 60’s and things were so much simpler than..we used to hang out when I lived on 4th street mostly at my girlfriend Barbs house all summer long..they had 6 kids and Barb was the second oldest..we hung with her older sister Alma ..they didnt have a lot of money and both parents worked…so they left the 6 home alone..we would always stay around the house and eat ketchup sandwiches sometimes….My mom and their mom were our brownie leaders and we had meetings on Tuesday nights at St Johns Baptist church ..had so much fun…her mom was the craftiest person I knew..she always had us doing some kind of cool craft…miss them days

2011-01-09T22:59:00.000-08:00

Well we are well into the New Year ..Its been quite awhile since I've "blogged". cause sometimes I have so much to say and don't know where to start and other times I have nothing to say....Christmas went according to my plan...I always plan things well....I'm good at that....got to see all 7 of my grandchildren and took pictures of them..and they got to play together for a few hours...the oldest is 16 so she was into her own thing...

We didn't go with tradition this year because as I said in an earlier post ...my daughters are not speaking...its so ridiculous that its not even worth talking about...the tradition since my grandmother passed has been to meet at my house every Christmas..thanksgiving every piece of the family did thier own things..like stay home or go to their significant others families homes for the day...Easter is at my youngest daughters house cause she goes all out ...egg hunts..all the accessories..big ballons outside...even and Easgter treee...shes anal like that...she is like that for birthday parties and Christmas also....people in the neighborhood always comment on the way she decorates outside at any given event...they look forward to it...

this year I said I wasnt having the 2 girls together in my home so that one could say something smart-assed and the other one would respond and all hell would break loose...so I decided (along with my daughters) that my oldest daughter would stay at her place with her man...and her kids would come to my youngest daughters home where the rest of us would be..my youngest son came down with his 2kids and brought my oldest sone(they live together now)...it all worked out..the kids all opened gifts together...and played all day together..we had a great ham dinner and they all went home...I stayed at my youngest daughters until Jan 3...2 weeks I was there...I like being there ...but I have to get home and back to my bed and laptop and my cat roscoe...

I'm not making any resolutions as I usually dont for the New Year...when I quit smoiking it was on April 12,2008...cold turkey...just did it..I geared up for it for about 2 years..not for that date..but just hating myself and every cigarette I lit...I always hated smoking and this is the 5th and final time I quit..I will never smoke again and I know I won't because the torture I put myself thru with every light up and every puff is something I do not want to fill my head with again..I am free and it feels good....I do have a goal to lose 100 lbs this year and I have already started and feeling good..I am simply going to eat sensilbly...I know what I do wrong and I will correct it...get off the chocolate..i get my chocolate fix by having one slim fast shake a day in place of one meal...and I have these Quaker mini rice cake , whole wheat cookies with chocolate and or chocolate mint on them..only 90calories and they are good...I'm eating more fruit and vegetables...I have always loved fruit and veggies..just always reached for the junk instead...I am not saying I'm on a diet...IU ma changing the way I eat...I am lifting weights for about an hour or more a day (not at one time) only 5 lb..weights for now...and I try to move my legs as best I can..I have severe degerative arthritis in my knees , hips and back...and I know I have to lose this weight before I can even have knee replacement..I will complare notes one year from this day to see where I stand on all this talk....I hope to have lost 100 lbs...I need to lose more than that...but I will be so happy with that....I pray for my God to be with me on this journey and help me help myself to stay alive much longer..I have things to see and great granchildren to meet one day....I want to stay around to see what happens...like my grandmom used to say...she passed at 90..one week after her 90th birthday...after a fall...I miss her and know she is watching over me...I dont want to see her or my dad yet...I know they are safe and one day I will join them...but maybe not for another 40 years....

2010-11-30T08:50:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to become one of those people that does not look forward to Christmas..I am thinking of enjoying the day by myself..my kids just are starting to get on my nerves..2 are always fighting over ridiculous things..the tradition is that we all come to Grandmoms house (thats me) for Christmas..Thanksgiving is already like that..they do their own things with their own families and I get to just chill for the day...I'm thankful for that..but Christmas is a time for all 6 of the youngest grandchildren to get together..I try to get them together throughout the year for an overnight pizzas party at my house..we all live within a 15 mile radius of one another..but ya know life gets in the way sometimes and we dont always have the means or time to get them together more often...

Right now my 2 daughters are fighting..which isn't relly anything new ..and the youngest is stubborn and holds a grudge forever..so who knows if they will ever speak to each other again...maybe at my funeral..this happened 2 years ago and my oldest daughter and her family did not come to my house that year..that sucked...not sure what will happen this year...

Think I will cancel Christmas at grandmoms this year..the house isnt ready..I'm not ready..oh Christmas is still the birth of Jesus Christ and I will honor it as such...will send gifts to family...thats what most of it is about to some...will keep you posted on the events that occur from now until then...21 more days from today...

This Thanksgiving is off Kilter...

2010-11-22T14:28:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is in 3 days..Not the same as it ever was this year..When I was growing up Thanksgiving was always at my grandmother and grandfathers house..(on my mothers side)..We could have been a Rockwell painting..there was the 5 of us and my grandmom and grandpop...my Uncle Alley ..who was my grandmothers brother who lived with them..and for awhile thats who was there..then as we grew up and had significant others and children it grew to 13 sometimes 15 of us...we had a great time..we would all purposely not eat a big breakfast..just a little something to hold us over ..cause we would be smelling food all day long...thats what we loved..and there was so much food..my mom and my grandmom always did the cooking together and me and my brother Barry did dishes..sometimes I would wash and my mom would dry or my grandmom...would clean up the kitchen and then go into the living room...the adults would watch Lawrence Welk and the kids would play games...the old traditional games..Candy Land, chutes and ladders, tiddly winks, play cards...then we would get ready and go home...

Things are so different now..grandmom and grandpop are gone...my mom never carried on the tradition..I did with my kids and theirs for a few years..then we all decided that on Thanksgiving each family would do their own thing..whether it was having dinner at their own homes or going to friends homes or the family of their significant others...but this year everything is out of whack...my daughters are fighting and my sons had an argument..my youngest son and his girlfriend broke up in May and his children will be spending most of the day with their mom and her family...I am going to my youngest daughters home to help her sort thru a lot of clothes and just spend a few days..shes a vegtetarian so as far as turkey I'm not sure whats going on there...my oldest daughter is hosting dinner this year but not for us ...for the other side of the family I guess...I know it will be a birthday party for my grandson Davion who just turned 6 included in there..I'm getting him and Gabbie (his sister, my granddaughter) pillow pets..wanted to have them for the 15th...his real birthdate..but that didnt work out..cause the stores that sell them dont sell all of them and I need the turtle and the unicorn....My oldest son who lives with me will stay home chillin...so thats the plan ...lets see how this plays out...Christmas is another story...tradition is no matter what ..everyone comes to my house..my oldest daughter and her family missed it a few years ago cause the girls were fighting them too...whats a mother to do?? so for Christmas will keep ya posted on that one...can't wait to experience this one...Happy Holidays!!!

Happy 81st Birthday Dad...R.I.P Miss you

2010-11-21T19:08:00.000-08:00

This is one of the times of the year when I think about my dad the most..His birthday often fell on Thanksgiving..tomorrow will be his birthday. Thursday will be Thanksgiving..

Miss you dad...wish you were still here..You left way to young...only 2 1/2 years older than I am right now..Kind of puts that in perspective..What would you have been like at 81...you would have gotten to know my kids more...and probably Barry's kids too...we havent spoken in eight years..I know you don't like that..but he is stubborn so the rest of our lives will go on without knowing each other in our older years..such a shame how things go sometimes..and all for nothing..a misunderstanding..false accusations..but I've had to accept this and go on..Mom doesn't keep in touch..she's always been distant with all 3 of us...I wonder whos thinking of you today..if I had a way I would come visit your resting place...which will be my resting place one day..hopefully not for a long long time..I just have some health issues I have to handle..I am working on them...quit smoking 2 years ago..retired from the Po..about 7 years ago..for health reasons..but I have so much I want to do . . so I really need to handle some things in order to be able to do them..I have a new candy invention I want to work on too..maybe be like Famous Amos and become a sensation...set my family up for life..still playing your number..you know the one you always played...I haven't won on it yet ...but I won't give up just like you didn't..odds are it has to come out in a lifetime..just hope its when I've played it..I salute you when I win...what am I grateful for?? I'm grateful that i had such a wonderful, perfect father..I dont have any horror stories to look back on...no beatings, I dont evern remember you ever really hollering at me..I was a good kid...wonder why mom never liked me...I think its cause you and I got along so well..remember how that used to be said way back in the day...I have the best childhood memories ever..vacations, sunday rides to the country, picking dandelion and going home and eating it in the salad for dinner...I remember you hunting..I remember going with you one time..I remember riding with you in your milk truck...I remember how you always loved the dogs we had..tubby, pepper, pleto, my cat Marbles..who got squashed in the intersection at 4th and Line and I had to see him on my way home from school...think someone could have cleaned him up so no kid had to see that..there was the school a block away...I will continue tomorrow..thank you for the best life ever..because of you dad I am who I am..You always told me I was beautiful and that I could be Miss America if I wanted to be...wow...you're still the best in my heart...Good Night...Happy Birthday dad....Brenda...

Happy Birthday Little Dude...you're six today!!

2010-11-15T05:48:00.000-08:00

Hey Dude,,,

Today is your 6th birthday...I wish for you the very happiest , funnest , bestest day ever...did the kids in school know it was your birthday?? were you shy when someone said Happy Birthday to you? or did you give them one of those famous smiles of yours..it really is the cutest...anyway grandmom just wanted to say I wish you a Happy Happy Birthday...

Makes us take a look back only a few short years ago...did you have issues and I can't believe how far you've come..You had and still have every allergy (almost) known to man...you drank the nastiest formula in the universe...the smell was horrible so I know the taste was too...but you drank it..and the foods you can and can't eat and the countless amount of creams and lotions and the hours your mom spent in caring for you..is just astronomical...(mom will tell you what that means..lol)

I want you to know that I love you very much and I am so proud of you..for being a good boy..for doing good in school and for taking care of yourself by knowing the foods and drinks you can and cannot have..Hopefully my prayer is that one day you will outgrow many of these obstacles...if not then you will just handle your business..that much I know..can't wait to see you and your sister...we'll have to have a Grandmom Pizza Pajama party over the holidays...Love you Little Man..

Love always,
Grandmom....

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES

2010-11-14T16:32:00.000-08:00

Its just one of those days...where I had to question what my purpose is! I spose I've done that before but I cried this time..I sobbed...held my head and cried real tears...I was serious and sad...I don't exactly know what my purpose is...I've worked, I've raised my kids.,. I should be doing something now..I can't walk real good..I use a cane and have a walker that a friend gave me ...used to be her mothers..knees crack when I get up...and I have to get up at least 6 or more times during the night to pee... sometimes I don't make it all the way..cause it takes me so long to get there..In reality its only 12 steps away from my bedroomm..but I'm out of breath by the time I get there...then I have to make it back...don't want to live like this the rest of my life..I'm still very young and there are many things I want to do...I want to go to the zoo...I want to walk around the mall..I want to go to an amusement park and eat cotton candy again...go to the shore...and not in a wheel chair or with a walker...where I have to sit and rest every ten steps...I really serve no purpose any more..kids are busy with their lives...they keep in touch and help take care of me..but they don't need me anymore...I know theres something in this life that I can be of service to..I just have no idea what or where it is...wish I would have one of those lightbulb moments Oprah talks about...don't think I ever really had one of those..and I need one...I need motivation and I need to apply myself..I know all this...I do....I have inventions I wish I could get patented...but I can't afford it..isn't that something..you need money to get an invention on the table..what sense does that make..like poor people can't have great ideas....well I have a few....

Have a fantastic idea for a new candy...a play on an old candy...not sure why it hasn't been done already...so simple..I'm sure they will before I get to it...been on my table for years...only a few inexpensive ingredients...but I depend on others to get these things for me..I miss driving a car...dont miss the high bank note on a car..but I miss driving...I need a miracle for my family....I need a miracle...I believe in miracles....

Of all days to forget your glasses...

2010-11-11T16:53:00.000-08:00

I remember walking past the cemetery and seeing a black mustang..I looked over cause he was passing us slow and looking at us...me and Connie...all of a sudden he lifted his hips up off the driver side and let us see him stroking himself...at first we were shocked...he let himself down..we laughed..Connie wasn't really sure she saw what she thought she saw because she didn't wear her glasses that day..she always wore her glasses..but not this day..we had walked "out town" on Main street to Woolworths..like we usually did on a Saturday morning..we got our allowances so we went to get a 45 record..I remember buying There's a Place in the Sun by Stevie Wonder...then this guy comes around..so he pulls off..slow ...and we kept walking..we were in our neighborhood and not scared at all..then he did it again..no one else was around..it was a quiet warm day...we just ignored him and he went away...we talked about it to each other..not sure we ever told anyone else...but it just came across my mind..Wonder if she remembers..I'm sure she will ...it's one of our many memories...like dating Barry Shaw and Ricky Ream...Oh My God...thats another story...

2010-11-11T13:48:00.000-08:00

Me and Cathy skipped school so many times I can't even imagine how we passed school..but we did..we would borrow her sisters car and Cathy did most of the driving..we had to be 16..we stayed overnight on the weekends..would tell our parents that we were at a concert sponsored by a local radio station and it was an all weekend concert...could we stay?? back them they always said sure..we were "good kids" so they thought..I mean we weren't bad..but we sure had fun..I wish I would have documented those days..wish we would had taken pictures..not one picture of those times...down at Perkiomen Creek on the other side..had to get there off of River road..onto a dirt road that took you to the other side of the damn..if we parked off the street that only meant we were gonna swing off the ropes that were tied to a couple of trees..into the river or lake..it was big ..country water..with a damn ...one freind died cause he tried to walk across it and lost his balance..am sure he was drunk..I wasn't there that night..we hung with all guys...local guys from around that way..country motorcycle bad ass boys..some were 16, some were 18 some were 30 and older..but no one ever disrespected us in any way..I wound up "going with" a boy named Bruce aka Boo..went with for awhile..but I know he was a player and I wasn't always around..we did have to go home and go to school sometimes..and any chance we found we were headed to Perkiomen Creek..there was always someone there...

This was all back in the good ole days...the 60's.I was 16 when Woodstock took place..me and Cathy couldnt go..to far and we had school...but her older brother Eddie went..so envious...

All the guys we hung with were po' folk...they lived in hand built homes back off the road a bit..some barely had indoor plumbing..sometimes ya had to go to the local gas station to go...we slept in the rain and woke up muddy..we always scrounged some money up to go to the local little diner and get some breakfast...or we just simply ate at someones home...food was plentiful and they were happy to share it...the more you ate the happier they were...we had so much fun...I actually was introduced to my first husband thru a friend we hung with...If I knew then what I know now..how things would be so different today..everything happens for a reason...so they say....wonder what ever happened to old Boo...looked him up on facebook ..no go...maybe one day...

The Big Screen On Clearspring Rd...

2010-11-10T20:09:00.000-08:00

I have so many stories I dont even know where to start...not sure there is a starting point.

When my mind goes back to my childhood which it often does...the one thing that is so vivid and I'm not sure why.. is the walk up Clearspring Rd after school each day..I never wanted to be a movie star or anything, but I always thought I was on the big screen.At the end of this very long block was a huge water tower with the words Lansdale on it...I use to pretend that that was the big movie screen and I was on it just for walking up the block toward it....that was all the big screen attention I needed...

Its the same block that I walked when my first real love followed me home and chased me up after I broke up with him.. because I thought he was flirting with a girlfriend of mine after seeing him kiss her hand gentlemanly like..like out of a movie..thats the only place I ever saw that in real life..still to this day I havent seen it.. 41 years later....anyway he followed me all the way home..into my house..still wanting to know why I'm breaking up with him and he was upset and I was upset...My parents started jumping on me ..telling me to give him another chance ..i didn't and that was the end.
I always had long hair.That evening I cut my hair real short because this boy liked my long hair and I thought I was spiting him...he didnt like that I had cut..so I did get to him...but I hurt myself in the long run...haven't cut my hair short since..

I had a nice relationship with this boy ...we were young I guess I was 15 and I believe him to be 16 or 17...I won't mention names here just in case..we never did anything..we just made out when my parents went out...and I was babysitting my two younger brothers..we made out for hours...I went to New York..Staten Island with him and his parents to meet his grandparents.. (he was an only child..and had a dog named Amy...loved Amy..she was a St bernard...beautiful ..big dog..

His mom made me a pair of really pretty bluish green angora gloves for Christmas ..that I remember...they wer beautiful and warm...

Christmas came while we were together and I remember getting him Jimi Hendrix's new album at the time called ELECTRIC LADYLAND..thats what he wanted..I got it for him..my brother got him a carton of cigarettes..yeah he smoked...and some cologne or something...I forget what he got me...I lived on Clearspring .he lived on 7th street...after his visits to my home I would walk him part way home..up towards the tower(my house was only 3 houses away from the end of the block where the tower was) and thru a field that St Mary's Manor was on...It was some sort of nursing home I think..I used to know ...at the end of the grassy part he let go of my hand and we would kiss goodbye...he walked his way...and I remember watching him for a few seconds..I would turn around and walk back to my home....my whole family liked him...I liked him...

My friend since birth..Barb...

2010-10-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

I can only hope to be able to write 1/10th of the memories I hold of Barbara and her family...her mom ,,her dad, and her 5 siblings...My mom and her mom were best friends I guess from high school on and they had kids together ...only Barbs mom had 6 and my mom only had 3...lol..they were both working woman and I remember they were co- brownie leaders and of course me and Barb were Brownies..Oh they were the days..meetings on Tuesday nights at St Johns church on the bottom floor...good times..we did crafty things..I think of those crafts sometimes and try to remember how to do them..some were really cool...We were in a parade in our little town and our theme was ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY TWO FRONT TEETH..and we had some sort of Head of a kid with his 2 front teeth missing..so cool...

We grew up together...both of our families lived in another little town first..then when one moved the other moved and in both towns we were only down the block from one another..I was always at their house..every day until I was 12...thats when we moved a few more blocks away....that was the year we started 7th grade...so now we didn't hang together so much anymore...we met other friends and I know for me I did different things with different people..We use to go swimming every day in the summer time..It was a small community pool and all the kids and adults went there..I got up early every morning for years because I took swimming lessons...loved that part of my life...

One thing me and Barb did was take tomatoes out of their garden and I took some from my grandparents garden...we ate them right then and there..fresh off the vine.til my lips got sore from the citric acid ...

I remember a few times Barb and I visited the newborn babies at the cemetery at St Stanislaus..I remember wondering why they only lived one day or 2 weeks ..and I remember feeling sad...we were only about 11 or 12 ...but it was something we did a few times....We used to play in a little playhose next to their house ..Bonnie's playhouse...we played school and talked and were just girls ...tweens...

I had a wonderful childhood..and a good bit of my greatest memories come from knowing and hanging with Barb...sometimes we hung with her older sister... She kissed Bill and I kissed Herman..me and Herman used to "date"..which meant we made out on his parents couch when everyone else was in bed...thats all we did was make out for hours...and hours...for months...we were young...and then we went on with our lives ...and went to the same school and grew up and grew apart...life..lol...

Over the years we had kept in touch off and on..Always able to find each other..then in June of 2008 we met in the little town that we grew up ..she lives in Hawaii and was coming to Pennsylvania for her sons wedding..we decided to meet at the park in the midddle of town..not far from our "neighborhood"..It had been 40 years at least if not more since we had seen each other..but it didn't seem like one minute had passed when I saw here...her hair is gray and long now..it was always short and brown...her face and her smile and her hands and her stature were exactly as I remembered..we hugged and cried for a minute or two..then we sat on the bench and talked for awhile....she is still tiny and petite...I've always been a chunky girl...now I'm fat..but she didnt look at me any different..it seemed like I was the same ole' Brenda to her..funny how that happens...I was nervous before we met...what would she think of how big I got?? I am disabled and I gained a lot of weight since I retired 7 years ago...

We sat and spoke for awhile and took pictures...my youngest daughter was with me and her husband was with her..when it was time for them to go we hugged and I promised I would get my health together so that I could go visit her in Hawaii...I am still trying to do that...In my heart,,and in my soul I will always love Barbara...she is and always will be an intricate part of my lifes story...she the beginnings and she will be there at the end...How lucky I am to have been a part of her life too...!! Thank you Lord...

Got a note from my mom....

2010-10-26T10:04:00.000-07:00

I got a note from my mother the other day...in response to one that I had sent her the week before..I do that every now and then just to see how she is and to let her know I'm still alive..She said she just had a checkup..blood work and all and her health is good..thats great..shes 77 ..twenty years older than me...
The note actually had a ring of sincerity to it..she said to keep in touch and send pictures of the kids..I really need to get some paper pictures made ..everything is on the computer...I don't have any paper pictures of Jolie at all...I will send her pictures as soon as I get them and will try to send her a Christmas gift..I do when I can afford it..last year I couldnt and I probably wont be able to this year either..We will see..I have 7 grandchildren to buy for..and that ain't easy..I have been accumulating some things that I run across for a good price ..always keeping them in mind...I have slippers for Shai and some make up for her..she is 16...and I have little toys and tablets and dinosaurs for some of the little ones..not sure who's getting what...I will send her pictures of the kids at Christmas..she will love them...I wish she would come to my house for the holidays..but she won't...

most recent writings about my aging and my mother..

2010-10-26T09:59:00.000-07:00

I notice age in my face over the last year of so..i can see my grandmother in me…thats a good thing..I can’t move as good as I used to…think my mind is still sharp..lol…I am bolder now than when I was young because I’ve earned everything I do and say ..i do care to a certain extent what others think about me..but my action or reaction to a situation has nothing to do with what others think about me..I am just me..and thats okay I think…I am calmer now than when I was younger..things that used to upset me dont so much anymore..I’ve learned its not worth raising your blood pressure over some things..I think I have finally matured at 57…lol..somewhat

I’ve been getting gray since I was 18…hereditary..i used to color it until about 10 years ago when the whole went blonde…not sure how..its not white..its not gray ..its blonde…I am naturally a strawberry brownish…my mom is a red head with frecklesand my dad was Italian…but now its blonde..crazy

I’m very pleased with each advancing year..It stems back to when I was forty..I was a bit upset about reaching that milestone, but an older friend consoled me "Don’t complain about growing old, many many people do not have that privelege…Earl Warren Chief justice 1891-1974

can you believe that a month ago I had to tell that to an 18 year old..my granddaughters friend..her birthday was coming in a few days and she put her head in her hands and said “OMG!” I’m gonna be 18…and I told her first of she sounded ridiculous saying that..lol..and then told her I knew people that passed at 14 or younger..so be glad you will see 18….

I dont remember thinking about age until recently…and I still love getting older…

my grandmother was always gray my whole life..she was 40 when I was born and thats all i ever knew her to be…a beautiful gray..thats the new style now..even young girls are dying their hair gray..lady gaga is on the front of a magazine with her hair gray

I do love aging…I love learning..but I have to be honest…the things I dont like about aging is losing some of the most important influential people in your life..friends and family begin passing away and your own mortality is right in front of you..I feel like I have so much more to do and will there be time..I don’t want to leave my grandchildren .I want to see them old..my grandmother passed when I was 50..we were both lucky..her seeing her oldest grandchild that old and me for having her in my life so long..I thank God for that..she was the most important person in my life …she passed away one week to the day after her 90th birthday ..from a fall..I had spoken to here right before the fall (13 days before her death) and she said to me " Can you believe I will be 90?" and I asked her how that felt…she said it was wonderful and that she wasn’t ready to go anytime soon..she wanted to stick around to see what happens…I spose she’s watching from above

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age…Gloria Pitzer

the great secret that all old people share ist hat you really haven’t changed in 70 or 80 years…Your body changes, but you dont’t really change at all…Doris Lessing…

I remember about 10 years ago..i was visiting my youngest son at the supermarket he works in ..at the deli..it was the beginning of the month.around Social security check day..lol. and this \elderly woman was in front of me..she was just as crabby as ever..whining about nothings and just erking everyone..and I remember thinking to myself…Oh well shes old, let her be…hope I’m not like that when I get old…well the moral is..I am not like that because thats not me…so that cranky old woman is still the same as she ever was only older…she was probably always the one in the crowd to erk people..lol

The only thing that really saddens me at this time of my life is that where I thought I was gonna be right now I am not..I married at 19 had a baby at 19 divorced him by the time I was 22…remarried at 23 ..had 3 more babies…and have been separated from #2 for 20 years…we have 7 grandchildren and I thought we would be sharing that part of our lives together…he became such a loser (still is)that that dream became impossible…Its his loss I used to think..but its all our loss..my children don’t really have a relationship with their father and my grandchildren dont know their maternal grandfather..so sad…all the way around..but I shall move forward and continue to be the best grandmom they ever had and maybe that will help…lol

savor all the memories..have scrapbooks and photo albums full of them..but theres so much that is missing..but I don’t dwell on them I just made mention..but hopefull i can be like Judy and find love again..I would not hesitate ..I love love..but right now I need to take care of me…get my knees done and lose this weight ..then I can do my thing..lol…

..I have a big book called GRANDMOTHER REMEMBERS.and its along the lines of a baby book or a scrap book..it asks questions…like where did you meet grandpop etc..there are lots of pages for your own stories etc..and I have started it..I have no relationship with my mother..my kids barely know her and only my 16year old granddaughter has ever met her and we haven't seen her in 8 years now..but thats how she likes it..so there my kids missed out on a grandmother..although they had my grandmother in their lives..and my grandchildren dont know their great grandmother (my mother) so I have a lot of shoes to fill..but you know what..I’m just me and they love thier grandmom and I know that..and I feel it every time I see them…all 7 of them…I make it very easy for them to love me …because I love them…and they won’t miss a thing or want for anything

My grandmother used to tell us stories too..I wish she was here now cause I have lots of questions that my mother probably doesnt know the answers too..I know my grandmothers mother died of polio when my grandmother was aorund 14 ..and her father was killed by a truck rollin on him…my granmother was the oldest of 3 children and had two younger brothers that she raised…I also am the oldest and have two younger brothers…my mother was an only child..one day my grandmother was sitting on her back porch in her favorite chair and was just staring into her back yard..I asked her what she was thinking and she told me then that she had regretted not having more than one child..at that time my mom wasnt coming around a lot and that had a great impact on my grandmother…my grandmother was more of a mother to me than my own mother..my grandmom passed away after a fall in 2002..my mother is 77 and I just got a letter from her saying she was doing fine and told me to write and send more pictures of the grands.I always write to her and try to send pictures of her great greandchildren and I send gifts for Christmas and her birthday and mothers day..even though we havent really had a relationship since I was 19..I am now 57…I learned a lot from my mom on how not to be…

To my granddaughter Gabriella Mae

2010-10-16T20:39:00.000-07:00

My Dear Gabby,

You had grandmom and mommy and daddy scared there for awhile...just really puts things into perspective when someone you love is hurting...I wanted to hurt for you...I felt sick in my stomach..I've heard of bad things happening with that stinkin asthma and at a time like that we are all helpless...You are in the hands of the doctors and nurses that are caring for you..and God above..Had lots of people praying for you..I know I did...I am so happy you are home and feeling better and I hope that never happens to you again..Hopefully , you will outgrow this monster...We all just have to keep our eyes on you...and you have to remember to have your inhaler with you...Grandmom loves you baby girl...can't wait to see you...You are so cute and sweet...(most of the time)...Love you honey..Love Grandmom...10/16/10

MOTHER ISSUES

2010-09-26T19:58:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since I've written about my mother or since I've had mother issues..ya just never know when this will come to surface...but on facebook someone posted LETS CELEBRATE MOTHERS..PRESS LIKE IT YOU LOVE YOUR MOTHER...well just because I haven't seen my mother in 8 years doesn't mean I don't love her..I do love her...I just don't know her..Oh I know what she looks like ...but I don't know her favorite color...I dont know if she quit smoking..don't know who her friends are..what her dreams are... nothing about her health issues..I know she is 77 years old ..and I know where she lives...I haven't written to her or sent her pictures in quite awhile...I usually do..I didn't seen her anything for Mothers Day this year..I didnt have the money ...guess I could have sent her a card...I just didn't..didnt figure she cared or would even miss it..I hope she had a great day..she hadnever se3nt me anything for Mothers day.Iknow I'm not her mother..but I think I've sent cards or gifts once or twice to my daughters..I dont always have the money to do it every year and they understand..we talk all the time...theres nothing worse than being motherless and your mother is still living....I thought in our older years we should be closer...the end is almost here and we wont even know one another...its her choice though..I've written to her about it and she never really gives me a good reason that its like this..it just is..and I just have to accept it..I never had therapy for this...but I write about it alot...I guess in a way that is my therapy...I feel better now....

these next set of writings were written by me in the WOE(words of encouragement ) on Bonanza on February 25 and 26 , 2011...I only posted my writings although people in between these writings wrote their opinions etc...the title of the WOE is HOW TO MEND A BROKEN HEART..HOST WAS KOOLBEANZ..HER FIRST TIME...

my first broken heart was when I was only 19 years old and just gave birth to my first child…a son…I was married at 18 to a 17 year old who cheated and partied and left me with a new baby…I moved back home with my parents and for months I could not get myself together..I thought it was the end of the world..I thought I would never get over this…but my parents pushed me to get a job and they would help with my son ..so I did…working helped me so much..I met new friends and eventually met and fell and love and married again and went on to have 3 more children..it was a wonderful love story for 15 years and then that too ended…but this time my heart wasn’t so broken…not sure why…maybe I was older and just accepted that some things are just not meant to be….and so the story goes…lol

yeah true koolbeanz and the second marriage was breaking up way before it ended..so I knew what the outcome was gonna be..because I gave up trying to compete with drugs..so it was best…the first time around my heart was busted up all over the place…he cheated and was abusive…and I was so so young…(not trying to get too personal here ,,just being truthful

All four on my children have expereinced broken hearts..2 of them were major…one is still trying to heal and I pray that he will seriously realize that this part of his lifes journey will be his past one day and he will get over this…its been almost a year and finally a few days ago hes sounding positive..like hes finally moving on…and I put it in Gods hands to walk him through this and I will be there if he falls…I think he will be okay though

If a dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again…

To ease anothers heartache is to forget ones own…Abe Lincoln…

The reason birds can fly and we can’t is simply that they have the perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings…

well Judy my mom is 78 and still living and says she wants to live the life of a hermit..shes had nothihng to do with me or my brothers sicne i was 19…that was 39 years ago..Oh I send her Christmas , mothers day and birthday gifts and she always sends thank you notes back to me..I have written her so many letters over the years asking why she has nothing to do with me and my brthters and our children and now our grandchildren and she never really has an answer for us…well I have a broken heart from this as do my brothers still…but we have learned to accept it and live our lives…I blog about my mother and my brothers ,,its good therapy…I just heard from my oldest brother after 9 years of estrangement..can’t even describe what that was like

me and princessgifts7 I see are telling almost the same story…not glad someone else knows how I feel and it is a lonely place to be when you see your friends and their relationships with their moms..and they can see that you hurt ..my father and my mothers mother(ironic) were my rocks and gave me the self esteem I have today…if not for them I think I would be a lost soul today..But from my mom I learned HOW NOT TO BE A MOTHER and therefore I am one of the best moms and grandmoms around…so being neglected by her just happened to become a positive it appears…don’t get me wrong I would do almost anything to it have been the other story ..i never went to lunch with my mom, never went shopping with my mom…my kids are grown and out on their own with families of their own…my mom doesnt know any of them,,,never babysat for me , never had a full conversation with any of my children, so sad..not meaning to be a bummer..just telling my story

thanks koolbeanz..and thats what these WOE threads are all about..and believe me they have said some powerful things to me at certain times…The cycle has definetly been broken ..my daughters are great mothers too..and guess what we all do lunch together..I have 2 sons also and they both have loser fathers ..thats another chapter..lol..but we all do things together all the time and make sure their kids keepin touch and grow up together…love my family…they get on my nerves big time..but I couldnt or wouldnt ask for anyone in their places….thanks to all that have endured my rants….

hello all…I came to Bonanza over 2 years ago..about 6 months later I started a thread called IN THE QUIET OF THE MORNING I CRY and I went on to tell the story that I wrote in the wee hours of the mroning about my mother..and why she doesn’t want me in her life and why it doesn’t seem to mean anything to her ..even in her elder years…the response I received from that thread…either in the thread itself or people bmailing me some even emailed me…some could relate..others felt sorry for me and some had advice..I loved each every response and I have to honestly say that between that thread and talking to my best friend geraldine thrasher (has a booth here) I don’t wake up in the wee hours anymore thinking of my mom and crying over it..I"m not gonna say it doesnt still hurt but I dont dwell on it anymore..it doesnt consume me anymore..so if anyone thinks that this WOE is just for something to do…I can vouch that these words that we find in here at any given time can actually save a life….Believe that!!!

MY GRANDBABY IS GREIVING..

2010-09-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

My heart hurts for her ..Iknow how she feels ..when I was her age I lost a few friends...first friend I lost was Carol Wilson..I was in 7th grade I believe...we were 12 ...I think she was 13...she had an older boyfriend dave and he was driving when the car went out of control and went into a little pond...him and 2 other people in the car survived...Carol did not...A friend Warren Clark was killed in a car accident .so was allen Landis...not the same accident..and Duke Bitting..he drowned in the Perkiomen Creek....but back to my granddaughter..her friend DeShawn died from an asthma attack...seems to me that that shouldnt have happened..I dont know all the details...but shai is heartbroken...they were in advisory together and were friends...shes had people pass in her life before...my grandmother..her great granmother..Ella Mae.. Shai was only 8 at the time...she wasn't real close to her ..so this is really the closest I think..and its hard...hard to understand why God would take such a young soul ,,a good soul...in such a way...I dont have the answers for her except to say that God wanted him home...I hope she understands ...and never forgets her friend...thats the best way to keep him here...to keep his memory going......always...

I DID THE WOE TONIGHT AND IT GOT ME THINKING...

2010-09-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

Well , tonight I hosted the WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT on Bonanzle...My theme for the night was HUMOR...for the first 40 minutes or so I was by myself ..posting funny graphics..some of Maxine, some silly quotes ..silly jokes I had in my files..then people started coming in and enjoying what they were reading and maybe getting a chuckle ofr a laugh along the way...they came back in with a funny joke ..their stories. and funny graphics...I laughed at some, I chuckled at others...havent even read the whole thread yet..and I'm going to save it in my favorites in case one day I need a laugh or a smile...it feels good to do that every now and then ..Laughter is good...got me to thinking that I really don't laugh enough..I may smile...or giggle or chuckle...but I havent really laughed in a good long time...and I think a nice good laugh would do me good...feels good on the face...like everything is lightened and lifted...feels nice to laugh....

DO WE STILL FIT IN???

2010-09-01T21:26:00.000-07:00

The story of my life is a long and interesting one...I would think..I'm not getting into all that now...but today I realized something I wasn't aware of...Bobby is my oldest and he is white...the other 3 are bi-racial .I was aware of that..lol...when we moved here as a family 30 years ago it was like we almost fit in..not right in...but it was cool..noone really bothered us and that was long ago...we went about life...kids went to multiracial schools and all became well adjusted kids...Bobby was a bit of a hoot from the age of 14...he rebelled and I dont think it was because he was in biracial suroundings as far as our family went...I was a bit of a rebel myself and came from a great childhood and wonderful parents and grandparents...normal home life..anyway. about Bobby...hes the only one left here with me ...his white mama..so now here we are 2 white people in a predominetly black neighborhood...theres a few whites ...and a few Chinese and a few Puerto ricans scattered about...and its a middle class hard working neighborhood...Middle America...I've been "MOM" to many of the kids from the neighborhood over the years...most hung at my house playing video games rather than going out in the streets...bobby had been going to the store since he was 5..we were in a different neighborhood then...but he did it..hes now 38 and hes still going to the store...he still wants a list ,,,like always...As he was getting ready to go to the store today..I said,"Just pick up a few things and hurry back,"..I worry I always worry not because of the neighborhood per say...but there are people maybe not from the neighborhood that may not know Bobby...but he let me know that he doesnt even realize he's white when he goes to the store because everyone has known him for the last 30 years in this neighborhood and he fits right in...But I still worry.....I would really like to sell this house and move to a ranch home ..because of my arthritis and not being able to walk..being on one floor would be ideal...most of this house is being wasted because I can't go up and down the stairs...so I never get to the kitchen..Bobby cooks for me and helps me...but I can't really afford it by myself anymore...my bills are exceeding my income...only time will tell...!!!

2010-08-23T05:34:00.000-07:00

I know I only write about things in my life..These are the things that are going on and I dont know what else to write about..I could write about World Peace...but there is none ..I could talk about how good things are in the worlds economy but we all know where that stands...so I write about my thoughts...on my life as it is...there are some things about my life that I can't or won't put in writing..I would like to write to each of my children and some of them may not be happy with what I have to say...I just think they could be doing better with themselves and their lives with their families...instead of complaining about how bad your life is...do something about it...get up and do something....who raised you I wonder sometimes...lol...continue later...

HOW COULD THIS BE??

2010-08-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

So I spent 30 something days at my daughters 20 minutes away and then when I finally come home I bring her 2 children ..Dallas and Dellaney...I am so hooked with being with them that when they leave there is such an emptiness...I believe this is why I spend so long of a time at her place...just nothing in this ole house for me anymore...I've outgrown it..I've raised my kids in what at the time was a mixed neighborhood...since 3 out of 4 of them are mixed...now its just me and Rob left and we are the minority now and really don't fit in anymore...I mean no one causes trouble with us or anything...after 28 years in one place you kind of become a "fixture"...But my health warrants that I be on one floor...where I can get to the kitchen and do for myself...right now I'm dependent on Bobby and I really don't like that...thinking of selling this house and finding something ....gotta do a lot of cleaning up my credit though...gotta make some changes...too old to live the rest of my days like this and still young enough to want changes...

That was my Vacation for sure..

2010-08-15T16:37:00.000-07:00

Well I didnt really go anywhere...about 20 minutes away to my youngest daughters home in the Northeast...I only intentionally was going for a weekend...for a Princess party she was having for her 5 year old daughter....my granddaughter Dellaney...but 3 days turned into four then I may as well stay I said til at least next Sunday since we were having a large neighborhood yard sale on Saturday...well we had an awesome yard sale...made over 100 dollars...so then her car wasn't running good and I didnt want to chance breaking down on the Boulevard..so I said I'll stay ..maybe we can "hook" up a ride with someone one of these days...My son Rob was at my house to feed my cat Roscoe so there was nothing to really hurry back to..Rob was okay hes 38 for God sake and he was having a "friend" over anyway....well one week turned into 2 weeks and so on and so forth...I helped my daughter go through tons of clothes that don't fit the kids anymore..we now have some of them on Ebay...make some lots and put them on Bonanzle...they are selling too...always looking to get rid of "stuff"..my stuff may be someone elses treasure..lol...well I'm back home now...and after spending a month at their house I brought Dallas and Dellaney home with me...been 4 days now and they just don't get on my nerves too much...they watch cartoons..play video games and spend lots of time with Uncle Bobby...school starts in 3 weeks so I spose they will have to go soon...just giving their mom time to pack some things and help a friend make tshirts for a large order...the kids love it here and aren't bugging to go home...we have plenty of food and juice and goodies for them ..so they are happy...and so are Uncle Bobby and I...we love having them here...puts some noise in the house...then when we've had enough it will be time for them to go and we will miss them after day one...lol

MY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

2010-07-08T05:31:00.000-07:00

Today is July 8, 2010...this is my 36th wedding anniversary....Although we have been seperated for 19 of those years we are still technically, legally married..I tried to get the divorce twice, but didnt have his address for the Constables to serve him papers...What?? anyway...we are still married...haven't seen him in about 5 years or so...I'm not going to even go into all that right here...but Its a bittersweet day for me...I can't help to know that it is July 8 and July 8th has significant meaning in my life..I can't deny it..cant get arond it ..now way ,no how...so ..it saddens me the way things went down..but 36 years ago I remember how I felt..I was euphoric...I was in love...like nothing else in my life, so glad to have ever even felt that way and to know I was loved the same way back...it was the real thing, the real deal...I was also 8 1/2 months pregnant on our wedding day...this was my second child and we didnt marry because I was pregnant...we had marriage planned way back when I left Pennsylvania to move to South Carolina to be with him...I already had a child from my first marriage which I thought I was in love and I guess I loved him...we were so young and well I had Bobby and the marriage failed...okay back to this day 36 years ago....we got married by his uncle ,,who was a Dean in South Carolina (some religious title with the ability to perform wweddings)...our two witnesses was the deans wife and my husbands mother...It was nice and my wedding ring was a Old Milwaukee beer tab...it was 1975 and life was simple...everything was perfect...we were "high" on life....Life was good...we lived with my mother in law...15 days later our daughter Davina was born...life was even better now..We both fell right into parenthood together...He was a great father..changed diapers, cooked, helped keep things together...he was in college taking accounting at the time...then he worked in some tool and dye factory...he got educational benefits from the VA...he was shot in Vietnam and was discharged honorably.....and the story continues..but for today I want to remember how it was....and not the fact that so much got lost..he is now the grandfather of 7 children that he doesnt know and that don't know him...and to me thats the saddest part of it...its life and we will never get this lost time back...and I feel sorry for him)...because I am in the childrens and grandchildrens lives...every day..in person or by phone...every single day...and I am eternally grateful for that...Thank you Lord...for life has been good and life had its bad parts...but I would not trade one moment...I thank you for the priveleges, the rewards, and the journey....its been a trip!!!!

HAD A NICE VISIT TODAY...6/27/10

2010-06-27T18:13:00.000-07:00

Today is my granddaughter Dellaney's 5th birthday...I just had her and her brother for a week..and her party is in July ...I called her and wished an awesome birthdaay..they're not doing much..its 96 degrees out with a heat index of over 100...

My youngest son came down with my 2 youngest grandchildren today for a few hours..he brought ground beef and a box of mashed potatoes and some mixed vegetables...Bobby (my oldest son) cooked and we ate...Brayden and Jolie were awesome and it was great to see them...saw them on mothers day...they grow so fast...Braydens hair is cut real short and it looks great for the summer heat...Jolie is funny...shes 22 months now...wow...Brayden will be 5 in September and I will have three five year old grandchildren...wow...I'm so glad he borught them down today...A good time was had by all.....

MY DAD ON FATHERS DAY (WRITTEN BY ME ON BONANZLE) 6/21/10

2010-06-22T02:31:00.000-07:00

I lost my father to lung cancer in 1989…I was 26 years old and he was only 60…just way too young..because of my father I am the confident person I am today…I am the oldest child and the only girl…daddys little girl…He always told me that I could be Miss america if I wanted to…I knew that wasnt true..but he believed that…lol…I miss my father immensely and think of him every day…Thank you God for giving me the father you chose for me…coudlnt have asked for a better one…this quote sums it up..

He didnt tell me how to live…he lived and let me watch him do it…

Joseph DiDomenico

WHAT MAKES A DAD (not sure of author)

2010-06-22T02:29:00.000-07:00

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle’s flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so,

He called it … Dad

MY DAD (written by me on Bonanzle June 2009)

2010-06-22T02:28:00.000-07:00

I lost my father March 16. 1989 due to lung cancer…after surviving his aeorta hanging by a thread and his life being saved by the wonderful doctors at Thomas Jefferson Hospital in Philadelphia..after being in a coma for 45 days …6 months later he died from lung cancer…Yeah he was a smoker all of his life..but he had quit about a year earlier..apparently too late…He was only 60 years old when he passed..
My father was the best father in the world..I was the oldest and his only daughter..he was Italian so I was daddy’s little girl..he took me on his milk route when I was 8 or 9…then he took me on his bread route later…we went fishing (along wih my two younger brothers)..I remember going out in the garden at 3am to catch nightcrawlers…I was a tomboy so that didn’t gross me out..I admit I didn’t like putting the worm on the hook…lol.. he even took me hunting ONCE…thats all I wanted to go…He once told me he thought I was pretty enough to be Miss America..I knew it wasn’t true..but he believed it..and thats all that mattered to me..He was great for my self esteem and if it weren’t for him I would have none…I miss you daddy and I love you…Happy Fathers Day!!!!

MY MEAN MOM (BOBBIE PINGARO 1967)

2010-06-22T02:26:00.000-07:00

Mean Mom

I had the meanest mother in the whole world. While other kids ate
candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others had cokes and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can guess, my supper was different than the other kids’ also.

But at least, I wasn’t alone in my sufferings. My sister and two
brothers had the same mean mother as I did.

My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You’d think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and where we were going. She insisted if we said we’d be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less—not one hour and one minute. I am nearly ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each time we had a mind of our own and did as we pleased. That poor belt was used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy’s pants. Can you imagine someone actually hitting a child just because he disobeyed? Now you can begin to see how mean she really was.

We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always wore their clothes for days. We reached the height of insults because she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends?

The worst is yet to come. We had to be in bed by nine each night
and up at eight the next morning. We couldn’t sleep till noon like our friends. So while they slept-my mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us.

She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and
nothing but the truth, even if it killed us- and it nearly did.

By the time we were teen-agers, she was much wiser, and our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a girlfriend, can you imagine she checked on me to see if I were really there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is if I’d had a boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old fashioned mother refused to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. Fifteen, that is, if you dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year.

Through the years, things didn’t improve a bit. We could not lie
in bed, “sick” like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends
had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends’ report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for nothing less than ugly black marks.

As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put
to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the pleasure of being a drop-out.

My mother was a complete failure as a mother. Out of four
children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us have ever been arrested, divorced or beaten his mate. Each of my brothers served his time in the service of this country. And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You’re right, our mean mother. Look at the things we missed. We never got to march in a protest parade, nor to take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one other things that our friends did.

She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults. Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three
children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my
children call me mean.

Because, you see, I thank God,
He gave me the meanest mother in the whole world.

Written by Bobbie Pingaro (1967)

MOMMOM

2010-06-22T02:25:00.000-07:00

Back in 2002 I was talking to my grandmom on the phone 2 weeks before her 90th birthday..still being of sound mind and body she told me she was not ready to leave yet..she wanted to stick around to see what happens…heres this woman who lived to see her oldest grandchild turn 50(ME) and I had my grandmom in my life for that long…evey night since I was a child I prayed for God to not let anything happen to her cause she was ONE of the most special people in my life…well one week before her 90th birthday she fell in the bathroom…we were all summoned to come to the hospital where her eyes looked like racoons and her lower arm was broke..we joked and laughed and she seemed weak but okay…well after we all went home …we got a call later that night that she had suffered a stroke ..it was all downhill from there…one week after her 90th birthday she passed away…that was the second worst day of my life…two of the most important people in my life were now gone…so I HAVE NEVER taken a day for granted…since I was a child…I pray many times a day…I try to leave impressions for those in my life to remember fondly of me when I’m gone…I try to leave them better than when they first came to me…Each day I wake up is prettier than the day before..and this morning I have 2 of my grandchildren that I’ve had overnight for 3 nights now…love waking up seeing them…they will leave today and I will cry…they only live 5 miles from me and I see them all the time..but its never enough…okay enough..sorry to ramble…fingers just kept typing…

Wow...you can't even imagine...

2010-06-07T12:27:00.000-07:00

My computer was down for 2 months...because of an on and off button...had it fixed and am back on ...june 7, 2010...my oldest granddaughters 16th birthday....Happy Birthday beautiful baby girl...I can't even begin to tell you how I've missed my compter...I was so bored...had to clean places in my home that weren't even dirty...I would sit in my room and look in the corner over by the closet and theres a lot of "stuff" ..just stored over there...its not a mess..its neatly piled up...and I really need to go thru it..then I will want to go thru the closet and that will make a mess...ya know cleaning up always creates another mess...lol.....I did do 3 yard sales while my computer was down..not that one thing has to do with the other..sold $60.00 worth of stuff..not bad..met lots of nice people...will do it again...have enough stuff to sell that I could literally open a thrift store and have new stuff to add to it every day...headboards, dressers, a big red front door...love that door ,but its gotta go...well I am back on Bonanzle and other venues on the computer..so I have things to do now...have to promote and sell..like having a yard sale..only I think people hate the shipping charges...I try to keep them as low as possible..I don't profit from shipping...glad to be back and hope to never leave again...oh yeah...!!!!

Greystone on the Greene...

2010-03-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

this was originally posted on 2/18/10

I worked in the housekeeping department in a nursing home clled THE GREYSTONE ON THE GREENE..it was an old greystone on Green Street In Phila..then they made a newer more modern one....all of the nurses and aids were my friends but they were so busy doing their schedules going from room to room that they didnt really have the time to give the residents..so when I walked in to empty their trash and clean their bathrooms I could sit for a few moments (or longer) and talk with them..One lady called me Martha..at first I was scared to go to her room or pass it cause she always hollered “Hey Martha” come talk to me..so I would ..come to find out Martha was a niece of hers and I apparently resembled her. She got no visitors so I was encourage by the staff to just go along wih it..I just listened and we laughed and I got as much out of it as they did..great experience…everyone should visit a nursing home , especially around Christmas time..
Posted by Brenda aka granny7x at 8:28 PM
0 comments:

THIS ONE IS FOR THE BOOKS 2/9-10/10

2010-03-28T14:01:00.000-07:00

this was originally posted on 2/10/10 in another blog of mine...

Well this is history in the making..we thought we had it licked with the last one..this past weekend when we got 28 inches of snow in Philly..Our first one of the season was December 19, 2009 righ tbefore Christmas..so even though it didn't snow ON Christmas it was still a white Christmas because of all the snow still left on the ground..I think we got 23 inches then....The second storm was Feb 5-6,2010..when we got like I said 28 inches..weren't really shoveled out from that one when #3 hit...this is blizzard like..It began around 7 last night 2/9 and snowed steady all night..everything was white when we woke up....then later it changed to rain and sleet all the news channels ,as they did during the last storm were on the scenes all day and night..

I have two of my grandchildren here with me ..My daughter brought them to me on Monday 2/8 so I could watch them while she worked ..then she went to work on Tuesday and I told her to make it home and leave them here wih me..so we are having fun and making memories while we watch history in the making..wish they could all be here..but I'm in touch and everyone is playing games and spending time with their families...jeanell is taking the opportunity to clean the house while the kids aren't there...I will add to this blog as facts become known..there are a lo of things that will be historic about his storm...

We have never had a season with 3 major storms in history..there were very few seasons where we had 2 major storms...
Posted by Brenda aka granny7x at 2:02 PM

Here comes the snow..

2010-03-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

originally posted in another blog of mine on 2/5/10

I'm am so sxcited right now at this writing..We are expecting one of the biggest snowstorms ever here in Philly in a matter of hours..Everyone I know is ready..we've known about it all week ...so we had plenty of time to prepare..we got salt for the sidewalks...made sure we have toilet paper,, and food....what more do ya need...I don't have any hot cocoa which would be perfect and the Super Bowl is on Sunday February 7. 2010 between the Colts and the Saints..I pick the Saints just because..the cowboys aren't in it ..so it really doesn't matter..but I want the Saints,, I figure New Orleans could use a break...!

These kind of snowstorms are the kind I remember as a kid..mountains and mountains of snow...Out playing in it for hours until our fingers were numb..even though we had layers of gloves on..and frozen toes ...ahhh those were the days...I am so glad I got to experience making snow forts and snow men and sliding on a sled down a steep street down the block from where I lived...I rememvber making snow angels on 2 acres of land at my grandmothers ...now that was the place to go and make snow people..snow forever..
Valley Forge was a good place to go sledding..It had a lot of hills and hundreds of people would bring their sleds and it was fun for all!!This one is gonna be one of those types ..This is the second one this winter and thats rare..We had one with 23" on Dec 20.2009.. this is supposed to equal or surpass that one...you can look out the window and see the grayness..its almost nighttime..Its 4:44 pm...spose to hit about 6 or so...This to me is exciting..the kids will truly be out in it tomorrow..Hope Davina and Jeanell and Lacey get some good pictures...Will be back to post more when it gets here...
Posted by Brenda aka granny7x at 1:25 PM
0 comments:

Now I'm just too old for this...lol

2010-03-28T13:50:00.000-07:00

I am trying to watch 2 of my grandchildren for the week ,..while my daughter takes a road trip with a girlfriend of hers to Atlanta Georgia for a college open house...I normally have them on Monday and Tuesday nights and they go home on Wednesday ...and believe me by Wednesday I am exhausted..They are 5 and 3 years old and have more energy than I don't know what...Today I have my God grandson here too...hes 7...and Oh My God....help!!!! The noise alone will drive one crazy...then when they're not here its too quiet...so I just can't be satisfied...I miss them greatly too when they aren't here..
I love all 7 of my grandchildren but these two I have been watching since they were born...so I see them more often than the others...I do get to see the others because we have something going on almost every month..its either a holiday or someones birthday..and we genuinely like each other and plan to keep the children close...I won't be writing all the time about grandchildren but it is a focal point in my life...some stories are funny like when one day Dallas turned to me from nowhere and asked "grandmom,,,what's it like being you?"..I told him ..if I wasn't me I wouldn't have him to smooch up...and he just looked at me ..I asked him what it is like being him and he said,,,"Cool"! I just smiled.....
Posted by Brenda aka granny7x at 9:19 AM 0 comments

Three Mile Island 31st Anniversary..

2010-03-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

A day I will surely not forget..simply because I was scheduled to go to the Philadelphia Navy Hospital on this day..March 28, 1979 to check in for a C-section tomorrow March 29, for the birth of my 3rd child..my second son.....I remember getting up at 6 a.m..the accident I believe happened at 4 am est..in Harrisburg Pa.. we are in Philly...I heard the news first thing in the morning and became concerned..the news was so new and the news made it really serious (which of course it is , anytime a nuclear plant has a leak , an accident)..I was already a bit nervous ..cause I was having major surgery for the 3rd time on the same scar and it was yukky to me..but as it turned out..everything went according to plan..and my son was taken by c-section on March 29. 1979..tomorrow will be his 31st birthday...!! wow!!!..

MY TREE

2010-03-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

We moved into our house.. a young couple with four children ..the youngest was 1 1/2…it was a tree lined street every other house had a big tree in the front..well that was in 1982..most of the trees have died..(planted in 1919) ..about a year after we had to cut ours down we noticed on the front lawn a new tree was growing ..it started out skinny and scrawny and I wasnt really sure how it even got there..or even if it was a tree..then after the 5th or 6h year it grew and grew and grew..today it is taller than my home and it just started budding for the spring…when it first started coming up my neighbors wanted me to pull it so the roots wouldnt mess with the plumbing..I refused..I said this tree came out of nowhere..God wants this tree here..its not real far down in the ground and is not messing with anything..today this tree will branch out with leaves in the summmer so much that i will no longer be able to see across the street from me…I love my tree and now so does my neighbor cause it shades her yard too..Years later I found out that my daughter Davina planted the tree...not sure where she got the seed...hmmmm....

WHY CAN'T SHE JUST SAY THANK YOU????

2010-03-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

My mother celebrated her 77th birthday back in January and usually I send her a bouguet of flowers ON her birthday...this time I sent her 2 plants in the same pot..compatible plants ..they looked nice on the internet..a few weeks later (yeah it takes her time) I received the infamous "thank you" note...she thanked me and told me how much she liked them..wasn't sure what they were but there was instructions on how to care for them..Wellll...thank goodness for that I said to myself..It never fails ... that either before or after she thanks me she has to put something a wee bit flawfull in there i,e.I don't know what they are.. instead of just thanking me and saying she liked them..and leaving it at that..its the tone..I can hear it through the note...

Last Christmas I sent her a pair of pajamas ..wasn't even sure she wore pajamas or what size..we hadn't seen each other at that time for at least 6 years(since her mother, my grandmother, my heart passed away..)My mom was always a 12 or 14 I thought...even larger at some times ..so I got her a large I believe...well here came the note weeks later telling me how pretty they were ,,but they were very big on her,,but she said 'everyone likes big pajamas anyway"..what???? couldn't just thank me.. had to put something negative in there..it was the tone..see to you it probably doesnt sound negative...but believe me I remember her tone...

anyway after receiving the note from her birthday..I did what I've done so many times before..I wrote to her asking why our relationship is okay like this with her...that we are both older folks ..I am 57 ..she is 77 and is this the way it ends...there never really was a close relationshp betweeen us and she still doesnt want one apparently...she wrote back a nasty little note saying she didn't drive to see me when she was in her forties..she's sure as hell not going to drive to see me in her 70's...I never asked her to drive anywhere to see me..I would go to her if I felt welcome or was invited...but never...so alone I cry a lot still over the loss of my mother way back when I was about 18 ...she was never there for me ...she doesnt know my children or thier children and I feel sorry for her and my children and grandchildren..and for me..

I OWE MY MOTHER (not written by me)

2010-03-14T18:36:00.000-07:00

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it!”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

MOMMOM...THE GREATEST WOMAN

2010-03-04T20:15:00.000-08:00

Because of my mother I learned how to be a mother..My mother taught me how NOT to be a mother..therefore..I always talked with my children and asked them how their days were…I have always hugged them and kissed them even when they got to the yukky don’t do that mom stage..and when they did something that dissappoonted me I forgave them and hugged them and kissed them because these are the things my GRANDMOTHER did for us…not my mother..my mother still lives at the age of 77 and I have not seen her in 7years because thats the way she likes it..Unfortunately my grandmother ,,,my heart…my soul passed away in 2003 at the age of 90..To me She was the greatest woman ever

A FACE WITHOUT FRECKLES IS LLIKE A SKY WITHOUT STARS...

2010-02-27T07:27:00.000-08:00

Wow.. I’m 56 years old and it feels so good to hear that..although I am not aware of my freckles anymore ..my body is filled with them..my face,,my arms. etc..anyway.growing up with them wasn’t painful but for while me and my brothers were teased..not to the extent of life problems or self esteem issues..once people got to know us they accepted our freckles ..I used to be told how to get rid of them when I was younger..like wait for the first dew in APril and go to the cornfields and get the dew and wash it over your face..well I have always loved my freckles and still do ..never wanted to get rid of them..My parents and grandparents told me there was one for each time the angels kissed me..Now how could anything beat that…just reminded me when I read his post…Thanks Randy

2/27/2010

bridge

2010-02-23T17:57:00.000-08:00

Queensryche Bridge

You called me up on the phone today
struggling with the right words to say.
Time can change a thing or two.
Time has changed the lives of me and you,
but you know… it could have been different dad.

The word brings back a sweet memory.
I’m sitting on a bluff on a broken tree,
by my side a distinguished man
giving me encouragement, telling me I can,
and you know… you’re not there.

You say, “Son, let’s forget the past,
I want another chance, gonna make it last.”
You’re begging me for a brand new start,
trying to mend a bridge that’s been blown apart,
but you know… you never built it dad.

So I sit here through the night,
and I write myself to sleep,
and time keeps ticking…

Time has made you finally realize
your loneliness and your guilt inside.
You’re reaching for something you never had,
turning around now you’re looking back,
and you know… I’m not there.

You say, “Son, let’s forget the past.
I want another chance, gonna make it last.”
You’re begging me for a brand new start,
trying to mend a bridge that’s been blown apart,
but you know… you never built it dad.

I saw this written in a forum I was in...it reminds me more of my mom and I...

THIS SILENCE IS TOO LOUD!!! (MAY 30.2009)

2010-02-19T16:16:00.000-08:00

Dallas and Laney just left for dance school..they spent Thursday and Friday night at my house overnight..Now that they're gone the house is quiet and I have too much time to think...Of course my mind wants to dwell on my mom...Got a note from her yesterday thanking me for the flowers I sent her for Mother's Day, ..apologized for it taking so long to get here...So today my mind takes me to the thought about how people always use the excuse as to why they are the way they are because of their past or how they were raised...because thats all they know...what a bunch of B.S that is...What they should say is, "I lack common sense , so I thought I'd follow in their footsteps...they were abusive and I didn't like it so I think I'll do the same to my kids."

I am 56 years old and remember my mom geting mad at a vacuum cleaner and picked it up and tossed it across the floor..I remember at that moment saying to myself ."I have to remember to never do that in front of my children because I don't want anyone to feel like I do right now."I remember saying that to myself...I remember being scared..my mom never hit us..but I was scared at the noise of it and to see my mom so mad...I remember her slamming kitchen cabinets too..and being scared...not that we don't all have issues with temper now and then..I'm just saying I remember these...I remember her throwing a fork at my brothers back..he was a teenage pain in the ass at the time..and she lost it...

I made a decision in my mothering years to not be like my mother...I keep busy helping to care of my grandchildren.. This morning I helped get Dallas and Dellaney dressed for dance class and then they left....and then I thought and then I wrote..

To My Mom (written May 2009)

2010-02-19T16:01:00.000-08:00

this is something I journaled one morning..it is not finished or fine tuned yet..

In my older years
I long for you
just like I did back then
only now I'm closer to the end
I've faced the fact that
I'll never see your face again
or have I accepted that??
the older I get the less I cry
cause some say its your loss
I'm not so sure thats totally true

My heart thats been broken by a man
has always repaired with time
not so sure that will happen here
pretty sure a piece of my heart
will always have a void
where you should be
not so sure I understand
but guess I'm not sposed to
God gives us nothing we can't handle
so I live without you
doesn't mean I don't miss or love you
put no one above you
and hope you'll have a change of heart
before its way to late
cause once we're gone..we're gone
I'm sure I'll see you on the other side
I've loved my children in spite of you
and I've learned from you what not to do..

MOMMOM AND POPPOP

2010-02-18T21:06:00.000-08:00

I had the best grandmom in the world…I mean she was so much different than me..she cooked all the time..she sewed,,she made apple pies and applesauce and canned things..and just the perfect picture of a grandmom..she always had cookies in the cookie jar and my grandpop would cut up cheddar cheese and put it in a jar cause thats what we always wanted when we went over there.and they always had the creal on a low shelf so we could reach it..she spoiled us and I had her in my life until i was 50.. she died at 90 after a fall…If I could be 1/2 the grandmom she was then I will leave this earth a Happy grandmom

My mother still lives..but my children dont really know her because thats the way she wants it..only saw her when we all happened to go to my grandmothers(my mothers mother..the one that was the best grandmom in the world).for dinner on Sundays…neverf had one on one time ot even a conversation with any of my children..we saw her on Christmas every yer when they were growing up nd she spent lots of mnoey on them but kids didnt now who bought them what..they thought Santa brought them all..so she only did it to make herself feel better..so I thank God I had the grandmom that I was blessed to have….Theres just no greater love than the Love of a grandmom…

Edit post

Being a grandparent as opposed to being a parent..

2010-02-18T21:01:00.000-08:00

We do things different with children as opposed to grandchildren..our lives are at a different place now..we have the time and energy to do these things with the grandkids..when we had the kids we were either working outside of the home or a homemaker both equally tiring and gruelling..now we are at a different place…I as the grandmother of 7 often (maybe once every three months) have a pizza party sleepover at grandmoms…they all pack a bag with one of their own toys from home(God knows I have 4 toy boxes of toys at my house)they pack a pair of jommies(pj’s) and thats it…then we watch movies..color in the at least 60 coloring books I have for them..we build legos,,we eat pizza (I even let them each have a little bit of ginger ale with their pizza)then sometimes the boys(3 of them ages 6,5, and 4) set up the train tracks and start playing with Thomas and other trains I have here) and then the girls go play with their pet shop pets and dolls and even sometimes cars..then I take a break and then we sleep and wake up and eat honey nut cheerios for breakfast and play awhile ..then moms and dads come get them..what did they learn…family…

THIS IS ONE TIME I WAS HAPPY TO HAVE BEEN WRONG.

2010-02-17T13:11:00.000-08:00

Quess what?? My brother Scotty came to visit me today..it was around 11 something in the morning Tuesday January 26, 2010...I got a phone call,,I didn't recognize the number and usually don't answer it if I don't..well I answered it and the voice on the other end said " Are you home?" Um I just answered the phone so I think I am..didn't even recognize his voice...he said "Its Scott..I'm in the city and I told you when you called me last week that I would visit next time I was in the city:...well I was so happy and excited..I said , "Right on, come on", we hung up and I waited...he came within the half hour and we had a nice visit..want to do that again....he stayed about an hour and a half..(on the clock)....I felt good all day because of this visit..I hope he feels the same way...I would like to do this like maybe once a month...So thank you God for this day as with everyday...but this was way special...Thank you

2010-02-11T07:20:00.001-08:00

2010-02-10T14:50:00.001-08:00

MY BROTHER SCOTT

2010-02-09T05:57:00.001-08:00

I called my younger brother on Thanksgiving to wish him a “Happy Thanksgiving” cause well he's my brother ,, he and his girlfirned of 18 years had broken up a few months earlier and I knew he’d be alone on Thanksgiving.. my kids (all but one is out of the house with families of their own) do their own thing and they all come to my house on Christmas…well while on the phone with him I invited him to my home for Christmas ,he thanked me and I told him he didn’t have to commit to it but we would love to see him..he doesnt even know 6 of my 7 grandchildren and we only live 10 miles from each other..I told him now that we are older( both in our 50’s)and ya never know what tomorrow has in store….so come on and lets get some pictures and have a good time he said okay but I’m not promising anything..I said okay I love you ..and we hung up…well I went to a lot tf trouble..with extra goodies I know he likes and just the cleaning of the house was different cause OMG my brothers comin..

Woke up Christmas morning with anticipation of having all 4 of my children and all 7 of my grandchildren and my kids significant others at my house for Christmas…they would start coming around 3 or so after they had breakfast and their kids had their Christmas at home first…I was happy…I was also preparing for my brother..I hadn’t called him to verify I just wanted to see what happened…well the kids started coming.. we had had our first major snow storm only 5 days before and there was still snow piles and people putting cones and chairs in “thier spots” ..so I kept looking out the window looking for my brother to make sure he found a spot to park…the kids grew up in this house and neighborhood so i knew they’d find a spot even if it was a few blocks away…kids got here and I was still watching out of the window..and kept thinking I heard knocks at my front door..it was noisy in my house and several times I would ask one of the kids to check the front door to to see if that was Uncle Scotty..it never was..until one of them said “Mom hes not coming”…I just knew he would be here..how do you turn down an invitations like this.. and guess what he never came….the story continues….stay tuned…

2010-02-09T05:41:00.000-08:00

My father would always call and want to go to lunch..when he did that I knew he had something important to talk to me about..so I would always go..he usually wanted to talk about his insurance poliicies …what I needed to know if something should ever happend to him..he told me I would be his executrix and that I should divide everythng up into 3’s for me and my 3 brothers..I hated when he would have these “talks”..He died March 16th (10dys after my birthday) 1989…I was 36 years old…he died of lung cancer 4 months after surving his aeorta tearing from his heart and hanging on by one thread..Thomas Jefferson Hospital saved his life…they never saw the lung cancer..he recovered from the aeorta incident after being in a coma for 45 days..only to pass away 4 months later from the morphine for the pain…I miss my grandmother and my father..

..My father was the perfect father..he always told me as as young teenager that I could be Miss America…I knew it wasnt true..but he really thought that..he always boosted my self asteem and because of him is why I am who I am…I am the oldest and the only girl to an Italian father thats as good as gold..I was his princess and when he passed away I knew he was at peace and no longer in pain and I knew exactly what his final wishes were …because of all the ’talks"..and everything went smoothly…I could let him go because he knew how I felt about him ..I always told him I loved him.

My dad was a poor ole’ Italian boy..he had 11 siblings..we were close with most of them growing up..I remember some of the best times in my life is when my uncles Louie, and Nicky, and Johnny would come by the house with their families and my father and his brothers would play the guitar and the harmonicas…they used to play “Burning ring of fire” by Johnny Cash,,,and my dad used like to play Mona Lisa…some great times and good music

I CRY FOR MY MOTHER STILL

2010-02-09T05:37:00.000-08:00

I grew up in a middle class neighborhood and had parents who worked hard..my grandparents lived 2 blocks from us and we always saw them..every Sunday was church then to Mommom and Poppops for dinner..we would play game sfter dinner and then watch the Ed Sullivan show..sometimes we had to sit thru Lawrence Welk and a movie came on every Sunday night at 7 …Disney movie…had the best childhood…then I grew up.. left at 18…had my first child at 19 and soon after that marriage failed….I went on to find true love for 15 years anyway and 3 more children later …it failed also…

At this point in my life my mother is alive still she just turned 77 and we have no relationship..for whatever reason is unbeknownst to me..my mother has 3 children who she chooses to have no contact with..its a sad story..and I have journals all over my house with writings of my mom and how I wish she was in my life..I have written to her many times and asked why and I never get an answer…my children never knew my mother,their grandmother..although God did bless me with the best grandmother in the whole world(my mothers mother , no less) and she was like a mother to me and she adored my children and they did get to know her..only one of my grandchildren ever got to meet my grandmom…the others were all born after she passed away…she fell in the bathroom of the retirement home she was staying and died 13 days later..one week to the day after her 90th birthday…I thought I was going to die the day she left us..I still cry for my mother at 56 years old..so it doesnt matter how old you get …you still long for your mother..

..she chooses to be by herself ..I have written to her ..I send her gifts at Christmas and flowers for her birthday and Mothers day..every year for a long time..I do get thank you notes back in the mail..I last saw my mother when I rode in the car with her at my grandmothers funeral back in 2002..and before that it had been years also…someday I will gather all my notes and journals and write a book on this relationship we have or should I say don’t have…

It is a sad story of my mom..I blog often about it..I cry even at my age 56 for missing my mother …i have journals full of thoughts of my mom…but thats a whole nuther story....I love my mom and send het flowers on her birthday..send her gifts at Christmas and for Mothers day..I always get thank you notes from her..I keep her posted with grandkids pictures and she comments on them(they are her great granchildren) and she only knows one of them (the 15 yr old) and has only seen her 5 times in her life..so i do what I can…end of story..

FAMILY (I AM NOT THE AUTHOR)

2010-02-01T16:37:00.000-08:00

I ran into a stranger as he passed by
"oh excuse me please", was my reply
He said "Please excuse me too,
I wasn't watching you
We were very polite, this stranger and I
we went on our way and we said goodbye
But at home a different story is told
How we treat our loved ones young and old
Later that day ,cooking the evening meal
My son stood beside me very still
When I turned I nearly knocked him down
Move out of the way I said with a frown
He walked away his litte heart broken
While I lay awake in my bed
Gods still small voice came to me and said
while dealing with a stranger
common courtesy you use
but the family you love
you seem to abuse
Go and look on the kitchen floor
YOU'll find some flowers, there by the door
Those are the flowers he brought for you
He picked them himself , pink , yellow and blue
He stood very quiet not to spoil the surprise
You never saw the tears that filled his little eyes
by this itme I felt very small
and now my tears began to fall
I quietly went and knelt by his bed
"Wake up little one, wake up . I said
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found them 'em out by the tree"
I picked them because they're pretty like you
I knew you'd like them , especially the blue
I said, I'm very sorry for the way acted today
I shouldnt have yelled at you that way
he said "Oh mom that is okay
I love you anyway
I said 'Son I love you too
And I do love the flowers, especially the blue."

27 THINGS I HOPE TO REMEMBER NOT TO FORGET..

2010-02-01T16:19:00.001-08:00

1. Bobby's sense of humor

2. Bow's wisdom

3. How sensitive Davina is

4. Jeanells smile with her beautiful teeth

5. The smell of fresh cut grass

6. What a rainbow looks like

7. The taste of a fresh picked tomato

8. The smell of a nice summer rain

9. The words to "My baby boy"

10.The feel of my grandmothers cool soft lips

11.My childhood

12.How my father loved me

13.smell of a newborn baby

14.Eboni's laugh

15.That I saw Jesus outside of my window on 4th street when I was about 11 or 12...

16.The taste of a 3 musketeer bar.

17.How the moon looks on the bay..

18.Gabby's laugh

19.How pretty Shai is

20.what a genius Dallas is

21.Dellaneys dainty pretty smile

22.Davion's gorgeous smile and raspy little voice

23.How Braydens loves Thomas the train.

24.How fiesty and pretty Jolie is..

25.How I love Lacey like a daughter..

26.How patient Darnell is...how he truly loves his fsmily..big Teddy Bear...

27.How my father leaned forward in a chir and put his hand down his shirt...I remember that...

I FEEL TRULY BLESSED AND LUCKY...

2010-01-31T11:24:00.000-08:00

I can't even imagine what I would have done with all of these hours that I have spent on Bonanzle..What if that one day I didn't go into the Harley neighborhood on Ebay and see this post from a person who was sounding down and out and at the end of her rope...Her house was going into foreclosure.. this and that and the other was going on with her ex..and omg..Well I knew she had a store on Ebay so I decided to go check it out..I saw a "lot" of 100 pair of alpaca silver dangle earrings for a very reasonable price...I wanted them but didn't have the money that particular day..so I told her I wanted them..she told me she also had them in her booth on BONANZLE.. First thing I thought was "What the hell is a BONANZLE?"..so I clicked the link she gave me and I went in to explore...Since I am also a seller on Ebay and really tired of their policies anymore I was looking for another venue to sell my wares on..so I signed on to Bonanzle and the next day I started listing and the rest as they say is History..I have been there a little over a year and have sold 175 items ..far more than on ebay..

But although that sounds grand...thats really not the most important part to me...Sure I want to sell and make a few dollars..I like doing that..but I like the friendships I have made there..Its the God's honest truth...as soon as something happens I want to go tell my friends on Bonanzle and most of the time I do..I go and start threads on who knows what...I have friends in real life but don't get to see them often..talk on the phone occssionally..Truth be told I need something to do..I'm all growed up now...Lol and I need something that I'm interested in..I like making jewelry..there are so many people out there making jewelry..and so much competition on any venue I would choose to sell on...some beautiful jewelry out there too...

Today is the Big Bonanza Block Party on bonanzle..Mine starts at 12 Pacific time which is 3 eastern time..thats in about 15 minutes....If I could make one good sale I would be happy..I just bought a shirt and a velour jacket for my oldest daughter...

So as a footnote to this whole blog is that the person who first introduced me to Bonanzle I noticed no longer sells on there..I lost touch with her and I wish she would look me up..I am at the same place...But I did thank her at one time letting her know I was doing great and this was what I was looking for ...

Not sure How I should feel..I called my brother..

2010-01-25T17:36:00.000-08:00

Yeah I was really angry that he didn't show up for Christmas..we grew up having the best Christmas's in the world..we did well..every Christmas we went to mommom and poppops ..might have been maybe three times that they came to our house..we only lived a few blocks from each other...we always made out great...Scotty was the one who handed out the gifts to everyone...did it all the way until we had our last family Christmas the year my grandmom sold her home and moved into a Mennonite retirement home ...her brother was there and lots of people she went to elementary school with..I swear ..I kid you not...I'm not sure of the year but I'm thinking 1995 or so....Scott and his then girlfriend Pat (they just broke up after 18 years...never lived together..never engaged..neve married to each other...)came down and my other brother Barry and his wife and 2 children at the time...we had fun...Then that was it...My brohter Barry and his family and my family became estranged in 2002 after the reading of my grandmothers will..He swears me and Scotty had something to do with the way things turned out..but I swear we didn't..No one ever talked to me about a will per say..I wouldn't have understood or been interested anyway..So it is what it is...I remember talking to Scotty on Thanksgiving...this was the first Thanksgiving he spent without Pat and he was just home watching TV...I called him and he told me he was going to the doctors for depression..but the thought never occured to me when he didnt show up for Christmas that that had anything to do with it..I talked to a friend whom he keeps in touch with and she lives near him..I told her to tell him thanks for not showing up..that I was upset...she just told him that I was dissappointed that he didnt show up...that was cool..she said he was home on Christmas csuse thats where he needed to be...so then I wasn't as angry..I was sorry...so I called him and I cried..cause I'm a cryer and I can't help it...it just comes...so I cried.....he apologized and said hes feeling better and promised he would show up for the next thing I invited him to...I said cool and we said talk to you later....I feel better ...

For the coming New Year..

2009-12-30T03:00:00.000-08:00

Well I suppose after my youngest brother not showing up on Christmas that I will go the rest of the year without seeing him...I'm a bit superstitious but also know that even if there was no superstition I still will not see him,,,thats just the way my family is...One day I will totally accept that I am it..It starts with me for my kids and grandkids..I am the matriarch right now and so be it...their loss...I just want to live a LONG life and I need to really get this health issue in check...Miss my family ..wish it was another way but wishing won't so it..Praying hasn't helped so I guess this is the plan...I don't know why I feel bad for my kids and grandkids not knowing my mom and my brothers and my brothers children and grandchildren..because if they don't want to be part of our lives why should I even want my kids to know them anyway...

We had a wonderful time on Christmas in spite of them..We always do and I spose we always will...Its not the only time of the year we all get together..brother and sisters and cousins...we get together every Easter...usually at my youngest daughtter Jeanells house..have Easter Egg hunts with the kids and of course there's a golden egg to be found...and then for all 7 birthdays we get together..some how..somewhere..be it Chucky Cheese or Happy Tymes or someones house..we do it up...But Christmas and Easter are for all 7 of them together..just an awesome sight and I sm very proud of all of them..

My wish for them and myself and our friends and extended families is to have the best New Year ever..to be happy and healthy and financially sound...each and every one of us..God wrap your arms around us and keep us as a unit...today ....until the end of time..

One more Christmas with my family

2009-12-25T03:06:00.000-08:00

Ya know each year I say well I made it another year..it's not that I'm obsessed with the thought of dying ,,I just don't take it for granted that I will be here forever..I am truly blessed with each passing day..I am one of the lucky ones..I am in contact with my kids and grandkids everyday...none of them live very far from home and are all just a phone call away..we are very close and someone is always calling someone and we all know whats going on in each others lives..(well mostly everything)..~~

Today is December 25, 2009 and in about 6 hours my home will be filled with noise and laughter of my 4 children and 7 grandchildren..I invited my youngest brother to join us if he wanted..he hasnt been here in about 25 years or so for Christmas..hopefully he will stop by for a little while anyway..just would love for my kids and grandkids to see that I have another extension of my life..my mother doesn't keep in touch and me and my oldest brother are estranged ..so Scotty is the only connection that I have from a past...I would love for the kids to get to see him and get to know him and for the grandkids to know that wow grandmom has a brother...and take a few pictures for the photo albums...we'll see....the ball is in his court...its ashame that my oldest brother and I are at odds, cause my kids and his kids used to be close...I would love for them to keep their relationships alive,,but they have dwindled thru the years also..there are 2nd cousins that dont even know cousins and thats the shame of it all...and they are only about 30 miles from one another..I can only hope that in my lifetime my brother will come to his senses and contact me..I've done all I could do...you would think that getting older would spark a thought..thats a whole another story though..right now I will enjoy the day and my family and oh yeah HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS...YOU ARE THE REASON FOR THE SEASON. and I make sure the grandkids know it before they start ripping wrapping paper and getting giddy with joy....love to all~~

I haven't written in a while...

2009-10-05T06:05:00.000-07:00

I have to write when it hits me to write.. but this morning I was humbled..when I visited the Harley neighborhood that I belong to on Ebay..been in that neighborhood for a year..I was invited to join by Jesse customs...I bought a Harley sweatshirt from him ..he made me a Betty Boop avatar and a special bandana...he does great work on shirts and stickers etc..So I used to write long stories there ..mostly about my life and I do have a tendency even in posting a comment to ramble on and on..but I haven't been leaving comments in the Hood too much lately ..so many of the older people I knew when I started don't get on as much and new younger people were joining and I felt I didnt belong anymore..so I stopped going in there for awhile...Now I check it every day and this morning I left a comment in one of the threads...A friend called Motorgirl said she missed me and my stories...and right then and there I felt humbled..that for real someone was actually reading what I had to say and appreciated it..thank you motorgirl for even saying that...hope you got the url from the post I put in the thread this morning..couldn't leave you an actual link so I hope you connnected what I was trying to send to you...hope to hear from you...

A FRIEND FROM BIRTH...LITERALLY!! TO BARB

2009-09-27T21:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Barb,
I'm at a loss as to how to explain my love for you.....I have friends in my life..most of them are life long friends...I still keep in touch with Daisy Steinborn ..met her in 4th grade I believe, theres Ann and Connie from junior high..from about the age of 12 or 13...theres Deb Vincent from junior high...from age 13 or 14....and there are others that I just reunited with on the internet...maybe from classmates or some other source...but you and I ...well you and I go as far back as two people could possible go....birth....we hung out in Hatfield as toddlers and young children...we grew up together in the most formidable time of our lives in Lansdale...our young days and tween days...somehow we've tried to keep in touch throughout the years...we did off and on...and thank God we are now and always will be...I miss you and wish we could "do lunch" on the spur of the moment if we wanted to...so many memories we have...good times ...hope I never forget...we've talked about a lot of them...But seeing you last June of 2008 or was it July...in Lansdale,,,in Memorial Park..was surreal...can't believe we actually put together a plan and did it...Now I just have to keep my part of the next deal and get my health together and get my butt to Hawaii...I am so afraid to fly...but I will have to do it...hmmmmmmm!!! I wish for you the best life has to offer...so glad you are happy and have a partner who loves you! Please lets never lose touch ..EVER!!! I love you and miss you immensely...your life long friend Brenda Sue

So many memories but the one thing we both remember is that we used to pic fresh tomatoes from anyones garden and eat them right there on the spot...used to eat so many my mouth would get sore...still love me a just picked garden fresh tomatoe...could go for one right now...love you Barb...

I TOOK A BIG STEP TODAY..FOR MY FINAL DAY...

2009-09-25T21:14:00.000-07:00

Was something I've been wanting to do for awhile..make arrangements for the end..My father is buried with his mother and father and I just didn't know where to start..so happens I received a packet in the mail..I saw Riverside Cemetery on the front and is sparked an interest...thats where my dad and his parents are buried.
I read thru the brochures and pamphlets and included was a mock contract in case you were interested,,had the breakdown of the financial side of it...looked doable , even with my fixed income...I sent in the postcard for free information and within days I had it...I called and made an appointment for someone to come out and talk things over wih me..while I was on the phone the woman on the other end asked me if I knew Margaret,,at first I thought of my Aunt Peggy my fathers sister...but she said she was married to NIck..so that was my Aunt Margaret..swell she passed a few years ago and my Uncle nick died before her..also have a cousins baby twin in there and the father of one of my cousins..they are everywhere and thats where I want to be...the plot itself is already paid for by my grandfather..My grandmother and grandfather came from Italy when she was pregnant with my father..I'm impressed that they bought 4 plots.....I got the last of the four..I guess no one else took that one because they all had partners that I spose they wanted to be buried next to...but there all there .close to us..I don't have a partner in life so I claimed it..I'm paying for the vault and the opening and closing(diggin the dirt and putting the dirt on the vault)...and the service with an overhead thingy..still have to do the funeral parlor and get the casket..This is not as gross as I thought it might be..Its a neccesity and my grandmother on my mothers side and my father both ahd theirs ready when they passed and we had an easy time of burying them and had time to grieve...My kids aren't liking that I'm doing this..but one day they will understand..this will help them in the long run...It's the weirdest feeling its not like I'm in a hurry to get there by no means but I'm looking forward to resting there..its a beautiful cemetery..and I'm in the SUNNY SIDE LOT..LOL It's nice to know I will REST IN PEACE..I hope its not for another 40 years...

I have a case of writers block right now..

2009-09-20T01:06:00.000-07:00

Just realized its been almost 2 weeks since I've written anything..lots happening just don't have that urge to write about anything in particular...grandchildren have all started school..all but one is attending school this year...3 of them are in pre k one is in kindergarten, one is in first grade and the oldest one believe it or not is in the 10th grade...wow...where did the time go...>???

It's 4 am on a Sunday morning...spose to be going to Brayden and Jolies birthday party today,,,not sure if we can go..dallas and Dellaney have been sick for a few days now ...Jeanell has had to nebulize laney a few times...they've had fevers and coughs and snot snots...lol that what we call a runny nose...well I will write when I have the urge to really say something...later!!!

TO MY MOTHER BEFORE I GO...9/6/09

2009-09-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom,

I love you, I always have , I always will. I'm sorry our relationship has been so far apart all these years..Years niether one of us will ever get back..YOU chose not to be a a part of my life, or of my childrens lives, or their childrens lives...I'm sorry I have to explain to them who you are and show them pictures of you from 30 years ago or longer...Sorry for you , for me, but especially for the children. They have a grandmother who is alive who chooses not to acknowledge them..My children will never know what a "grandmother" is ..The only taste of one will be the memory of MY grandmother..I thank God they have those memories..My grandchildren have ME and they will have wonderful memories. I wish you would have gotten to know how precious each one is..how they can make you laugh and they can make you cry..Each one is a gift from God!! What a loss to your life,,what a beautiful assett knowing them could have been to YOUR life.!!
I am so sorry for YOU and for US!!

I write this in case I go before you..My health isn't all that great and I just needed to write to you..
I take nothing in my life for granted! There's always been a hole in my heart where you should have been!!

P.S. If in Heaven we should meet, will you be my friend then?

I'M REALLY BORED

2009-09-02T16:14:00.000-07:00

I am totally bored..Nothing happening on Bonanzle right now..wrote in every thread I could find pertaining to something I might me interested in..I'm getting ready to order a grilled chicken caesar salad..omg I used to really be hooked on them ..Now I only get one maybe once a month..salad is fine but I like the caesar dressing... this place makes their own..another place I get the salad from has the packaged Paul Newman ceasar dressing ,,I think not as tasty missing the raw egg I believe cause of the health scare with raw eggs..but I like this other places much better..Tonight I have the craving so I shall indulge this evening..i did have a good day. went hunting for homeowners insurance and it went well...so thats a good thing..Life is good and I thank God each and every day..several times.. and on that note I'm outta here..hugs to all...

SONG I WROTE FOR DALLAS

2009-08-29T00:13:00.000-07:00

There's a new world somewhere , they call the seventh sun
And if you ever go there , tell them you're the one
You're the one that makes me happy, you're the one that brings me joy
Then you tell them that you are my baby boy

My baby boy, my baby boy
then you tell them that you are my baby boy
then you tell them that you are
You are my shining star
then you tell them that you are my baby boy!

I wrote this when he was about 3 months old..I used to put him on my chest and sing to him. we would sleep sometimes for 6 hours in one position...

Now hes 5 1/2 and is starting kindergarten in a few weeks..I have been watching him all of his life ...then laney came along and I watched both of them all their lives while their mom went to work..she works nights so they would spend 3 nights a week at my house..they moved out of my house and back in twice so they've been with me all of their lives..Now my job of watching them is over..they will both be going to school soon and now its my time to find out what I want to be when I grow up..lol

TODAY WAS SPOSE TO BE MY DAUGHTERS WEDDING DAY....BUT

2009-08-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

instead I cry with a broken heart..shes okay..she puts on a front that shes okay and I think she will be..She has to hurt..no matter what she tells me..she said "I'm okay mom, I don't hurt and I'm not mad anymore"!..I said I was glad..now if WE can just get through this day...after all I am the Mother of the Bride.. bottom line is I am her mother..and just like when she stepped on glass on the playground and had to go to the hospital..I could feel her pain right in the pit of my stomach..just like when she broke her arm on the same playground,, I remember feeling the pain..if I could have taken all of her pain I would have...Today is no different..I hurt for her...I hurt because she hurts..shes still my little girl..she is my baby..she really is the youngest of 4 children...She has a great group of friends that have been there for her..she called the wedding off about 2 months ago and at first it was hell..but as time goes on shes starting to come back...but its just that TODAY WAS SPOSE TO BE HER WEDDING DAY!!!

This is dedicated to my four beautiful granddaughters

2009-08-26T20:31:00.000-07:00

I would love to honor my four beautiful granddaughters..Shai'ana (15), Gabriella (5), Dellaney (4) and baby girl Jolie who just turned one yesterday(August 25, 2009) with this poem..I did not write this poem but it says everything I want to say to them..

GRANDMA'S WORDS OF WISDOM

I've traveled paths you've yet to walk
Learned lessons old and new
And now this wisdom of my life
I'm blessed to share with you
Let kindness spread like sunshine
Embrace those that are sad
Respect their dignity, give them joy
And leave them feeling glad
Forgive those that might hurt you
And though you have your pride
Listen carefully to their viewpoint
Try to see the other side
Walk softly when you're angry
Try not to take offense
Invoke your sense of humor
Laughters power is immense
Express what you are feeling
your beliefs you should uphold
don't shy away from what is right
Be courteous and bold
Keep hope right in your pocket
It will guide you day to day
Take it out when it is needed
when its near, you'll find away
Remember friends and family
of which you are a precious part
Love deeply and love truly
Give freely from your heart
The world is far from perfect
Theres conflict and theres strife
But you still can make a difference
By how you live your life
And so I'm very blessed to know
The wonders you will do
Because you are my granddaughters
And I believe in you!!

I hope I live long enough to see what each of you becomes in life..just for curiosity!! whatever you dream you can achieve..and remember babies even if you don't see me ..I am there! Love Grandmom

And he just turned and said."It's a miracle"!

2009-08-23T17:14:00.000-07:00

To be truthful I didn't realize he even knew what miracle meant..but he sure used it in the right context...Dallas...oh the ever so wise little five year old boy...he just got his glasses last
Thursday...and hes so cool..he is not bothered one bit about wearing them ..he functions as if they've always been on his face...He was playing a game on my laptop that hes played many times before ..he lifted the glasses up a bit to compare how he used to see to how he sees now.....as he placed them back on I said "You can really see much clearer now can't you"?, he put his glasses back on and he just turned to me and said, "It's a miracle,"! I cried like a baby and I hugged him and I said "Yes it is baby,,,yes it is"!..

What did I do this summer??/

2009-08-22T19:02:00.000-07:00

I really have to say that I had a very busy and fulfilling summer..It may not sound like it to some but I saw all 7 of my grandkids this summer often..I had 3 different pizza pj parties...the first one only 5 could show up...parents of the other two had conflicting work schedules... the second one consisted of two of the ones from the first one and the 2 that couldn't make it to the first one and the third one was with the same two from the first and second one and my God grandson ...I just like to keep the kids together often...and especially cause summer is not that long and I wanted all of them before school started because all but one will be in school this year...one will enter the 10th grade..one will enter 1st grade..one will enter kindergarten ..2 will enter head start or pre -k and the one year old will spend some quality time alone with her mom...its a good thing all the way around..we did lots of things together as a family this summer..a few parties at Nockamixon State Park ..where theres a swimming pool that is out of this world...one part is 11" and the deep end is like 6 feet with sliding boards winding into it...one part has buckets that constantly fill up and if you stand under it ..it will pour the water over your head...mad fun..we are always exhausted at the end of one of these outings...So tonight is the last pizz party (the third one)...the boys are playing game cube and the one girl is putting train tracks together...lol..I am tired...we didn't have pizza tonight ..instead my oldest son(who lives with me,,Uncle Bobby) made spaghetti and meatballs...they love Uncle Bobbys spaghetti and meatballs...it's late and its time for bed...Good night...

I've always wanted to write a book...

2009-08-18T23:30:00.000-07:00

My book would have to have something to do with my mother..its the one thing in my life that I am not satisfied with....if I die today or tomorrow I will not be happy with the way things are...yet I feel helpless to change it. Without making this blog a book I just have to say that no matter how old you get you want your mom..The sad part about my mom and mines relationship is that there is none...and she is alive ..she is 76 years old..lives about 40 minutes away from me ..shes healthy and able bodied..I'm in worse shape than she is....shes a widow and lives alone..

I was raised in a two parent household...very hard working middle class family...my mother is an only child...a decision my grandmother regretted later in life...how do I know ??'' I asked her one time ...she (my grandmother, who by the way was more of a mother to me) was sitting in her rocking chair on the back porch and I was on the lounge chair...and we were both dissappointed at my mom this day for some reason...and I said, "Mommom, do you regret not having more children..and she said, "yes, I wish I would have had more...!

My mom was in my life when I was 18 and got married the first time..she didn't like my first husband,,but they allowed the wedding and helped to put together a beautiful outdoor wedding on a nice hill on a farm..it was nice...he was only 17 and they had to sign for us to get married..they did because we threatened to run way to Maryland and get married..cause we were so in love...hmmm...well that marriage lasted exactly one year to the day...meantime I gave birth to a son 9 months after we were married...when the baby was 2 months old I left him and moved back in with my parents...I did this seven times..with a Uhaul truck each time moving my things back and forth..looking back..it was ridiculous...but I was so young..Well after he seventh time that was it...I got myself together and got a job...making televisions...well thats where I met my second husband...I won't dwell on this because ... well after 15 years and 3 more children .. it failed too..he decided crack was more important than us...anyway...so this is about my mom...

Anyway Philco-Ford (job where I met 2nd hubby) was laying off..were relocating to Florida where labor was cheaper...so me and the one who would be my second husband moved to South Carolina so we could live with his mother who had just lost her husband...my mother wasn't be at her house when I left..her and my dad went to the shore and called me right before I was to leave..we were driving from Pennsylvania to South Carolina...about 12 hours...she said if I left she would "disown" me....You see my second husband was black...I didn't know until then that it mattered...it wasn't something that was never really discussed in my family..I grew up in a prodominately white middle class suburb of Philadelphia, Pa...my husband was from the city ...where most of the employees were from at that time..they came in on the train from Philly...

So I went anyway...again I was in love...but my mom and dad came to visit us twice in the four years we lived there..I had my first daughter (2nd child) in South Carolina in July of 1975.

Two months before her birth I got a phone call from one of my brothers ( I am the oldest by 2 years) saying that my dad was depressed and suicidal because my mom had left him for another man...(whom she eventually married). Well I was my fathers only girl and the oldest and I had to get to him..So being 7 months pregnant and dragging my then 3 year old son with me I hopped on the Amtrak train and took the 14 hour ride to my fathers house...I stayed for a week and by the time I left he was better...Well when she left him she left us...by us I mean me and my 2 younger brothers..she divorced us too..

I remember taking my children every Sunday to my grandmoms..she had a home with 2 acres of land and they could really run around and we liked spending time with my grandmom..she is the epitimy of the word grandmother..from the apple pies and applesause..she even made some of our clothes..she was a seamstress for over 40 years....and my mon and her new husband would pull up and my grandmother would rumble under her breath..because they came for dinner on their way back from "the mountains'. where the two of them went every weekend...their regular home was right around the corner from my grandmom...my mom wouldn't give my grandmom a lot of attention...lot of responsiblility comes with being an only child...but they stopped in for dinner..it made my grandmom mad sometimes cause she felt used..At these dinner my mom would have no conversation with any of my kids...supposedly loved them and was over the "black" thing...I remember one time my brother and his wife and 2 kids came for dinner and my son and his cousin Bryan were throwing a nerf ball on the back porch and she hollered at them..well it made me holler at her...I told her that she didn't ask them how they were,.how they were doing in school so don't holler at them..

So needless to say we don't have a relationship. I have tried....I just wonder why at this point in her life why it doesn't matter...she must be willing to die without ever having a relationship with me or my brothers...so sad to me...so very sad!!!

THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE...

2009-08-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

I'm at a point in my life where I really need to decide what it is that I want to do with the rest of it..Although I am 56 years old and have been through the "change of life" physically in a womans life..(didn't have it to bad actually)..I now will have the time I haven't ever had..I raised my four children alone for most of their lives because their father decided cocaine and crack were more important than us..I have always been there for my kids.. been to the births of all 7 of my grandchildren and Thank God I was able to do so...

I resigned due to physical disabilities from the U.S.POSTAL SERVICE on January 28, 2003...after 17 years of hard work...I now have degenrative arthritis in my knees , back and hips...Anyway one year to that date my third grandchild was born..It was a boy ..my oldest grandson Dallas...when my daughter left the hospital her and the father of Dallas played house for awhile...When Dallas was 9 days old I started babysitting him so that my daughter could go back to college...she was taking early childhood education to become a teacher or to own her own day care one day...

I would watch him for a few hours then put him in his car seat and go get his mom from school...this went on for months..my daughter is no longer in college and Dallas is now 5 1/2 years old and will be starting kindergarten in about 3 weeks...I am an emotional wreck right now..I have been with him all but about 40 days of his life...I even invented a song for him when I used to put him to sleep on my chest..we would rock and sing for literally hours...

Now they don't need me like they used to and believe me I am glad of that,,but now I won't see him for days at a time..they lived with me most of his life..my daughter just moved out after moving in with me again when she broke off her engagement..Now they just moved back to the house...(shes not back with baby daddy ,,but he is helping to provide a home for his 2 children...)
Dallas has a baby sister Dellaney who just turned 4 and I have gotten very close to her too..I love all of my grandchildren but these two have been with me almost every day...

So now I'm feeling the empty nest which I waited for years to arrive..I just worry about them..I just feel like no one can take care of them like I do...even when their mom was around I would take care of them the most ..I think!

So now its itme for me to keep busy...I have things around the house that I want to sort out but that won't take forever..what do I want to do to make money?? I have a few things I'm throwing around in my head...not sure yet...will keep you posted...

TODAY REALLY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE!!

2009-08-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

Today is Sunday August 16, 2009 and I just had a bonanza on Bonanzle and sold nothing..I think I have some aweome items..been slow lately.. so slow in fact that I didn't even owe any money this month..Not good...The bonanza was 20% deducted off of the regular price...I have a brand new David's Bridal bridesmaid gown...never worn..mermaid color size 8 that was bought for $155.oo..I have it listed normally for $150.00 with free shipping...during the bonanza it was going for $120.00...$30.00 off..can't beat that..but the right eyes didn't see it...my daughters custom made bracelets which normally sell for $46.00 were going for $36.00 ...she's not making a profit of any kind with the normal price let alone the sale price...but no sales...I'm totally dissapointed...I tweeted the sale..I put it and a link to Bonanzle and my booth on both of my facebook pages...I emailed about 20 friends and asked them to say hi to me in my chat window if they came to visit...I asked them to visit my booth because they loved me and wanted to support me...but nothing..a few people showed up in my booth and said "Good Luck with your bonanza"., but nothing...not one sale ...I guess I'm ranting...I put lots of work into this and so did lots of others and I see lots didn't make any sales either..someone said the "summer slump" seems to be over because they did so well in their booth...well I beg to differ..this is my worst month since I've been on Bonanza...not sure I want to expend that much energy again..this is my second BIG BLOCK PARTY TYPE SALE..not sure its the best thing for me....

IN THE QUIET OF THE MORNING I CRY....

2009-07-31T01:56:00.000-07:00

18 Replies
IN THE QUIET OF THE MORNING I CRY....Created on
Nov 8, 2008 8:23 AM by 6xagranny

So many thoughts going thru my head, so many emotions running thru my arms (I feel things in my arms) So many questions, I can't get answers too. For some reason the shows I want to watch are on a station that won't come in right, so I'm left busy with my thoughts. I'm tryin hard to think of other things but I think of my mother. The one thing that's always there tho is "Doesn't she miss us?" Us being me and my brothers. We've all had this problem for many years. Consoling each other, counseling each other bout her voluntary absence from our lives. Its crazy cause I've realized that no matter how old you are you want your mom at some points.When she divorced my father when I was 22, she divorced me and my brothers. I miss my father. We had a relationship, so when I think of him its a good thing. I'm at peace knowing he and I knew we loved one anoher at the end and always. I'm gonna die never have knowing my mom. I know her name, her birthdate, she has freckles that are now faded. IN her younger years she was a redhead. I think my dad always felt inferior around my moms parents. I know he wasn't their favorite person(not for nothing). He was a poor Italilan boy with 12 siblings, and they were middle class people with one child, my mother.I cry for my children and my childrens children for not knowing her. I cry for her for not knowing them .What a loss.I am the matriarch of my family and the responsibility of that is huge!!! Its a responsibility I take very serious. If it wasn't for the fact that she hasn't just dissed me from her life, but my younger brothers I would have taken it more personal.I know I've done a lot of crazy things in my life, but nothing enuf for her to hold a grudge all these years. Okay so I married 2 guys she didn't like. My life!!! So I ran away a few times as a rebellious teenager.So I got caught smoking cigarettes wallking the dog around the block.So I was arrested as a look out for a friend stealing shoes! So they kicked me out of 11th grade cause I wouldnt bring the big Kotex box full of bats and balls, back into the school. (was already given an F for the day, didnt think I should have to bring the box in too!) So I hung with the "bad boys" of Montgomery county Pa, and Collegeville Pa.. So I was caught on the back of a few bikes at age 16. Those days are past, always with me, but gone. She doesnt know me as a woman, an adult, a mother, a grandmother. She's alive on this earth and yet she doesnt care. She's 75 and you would think her own mortality was in front of her, that before she died she would want to clear up some things. I guess shes at peace with the way things are! I , on the other hand am tormented and feel rejected. Pitiful ain't I?

P.S I wrote this back in november of 2008 in the Harleyhood neighborhood on Ebay..I copied and pasted it here..aka...granny7x....brenda know as 6xagranny on Ebay...

Wow! You guys, when I wrote this in here this morning I really thought people were going to come here and say shake it off, get over it, stop whining, or whatever. I wipe my tears writing this now after reading Urban and Dyna. I used to console my brothers the only way I could(being the oldest) and tell them that it was her loss. Deep down inside when I wiould tell them that I knew it was true, but didn't ease my own pain so I know it didnt ease their either. I keep in touch with my mom, I send her Xmas card, birthday cards, flowers for Mothers day, etc. I write to her all the time trying to find out why shes like this. she lives alone in her own little place. I wrote to her a month ago asking her who takes care of her , whos helping her do everyday things, I told her how my own mortality is in front of me and before I go I want things to be right. She told me she holds no grudge, and that I should just accept that her and I don't have the tradional mother daughter relationship. I try to accept, and I go on with my everyday life. God know I'm kept busy everyday, because I am involved with all 4 of my childrens and all 7 of my grandchildrens lives. I know where they are, and how they are every day of life. I'll tell you what though, I beleive my mother has taught me what kind of mother NOT TO BE., BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT URB AND DYNA ...I'M A DAMN GOOD MOTHER AND EVEN BETTER GRANDMOTHER. You 2 have said more to me today to help that has ever been told to me and I thank you both.Of all the trials and tribulations I've been through in my life,(my house burnt down in 1991, i raised 4 children by myself, etc) this is the one I can't grab by the balls and fling them around and just let go. I will however re-read what you hve said and know that people do care, and for that I pray God speed to you both. Thanks for sharing your story Dyna! By the way, my name is Brenda

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMOM!!!

2009-07-22T11:55:00.000-07:00

Although you are no longer physically with us...we think of you often..we talk about you all the time...you are the reason I know how important a grandmother is in a childs life...you have made me the best kind of grandmother..When you were still alive I had only one grandchild...now I have 7...You have been gone for 7 years and I still can't believe you are gone..I thank God I had my grandmom for 49 years of my life..how many can say that..and I truly believe you would still be here if you hadn't fallen..You were healthy and always took care of yourself..I wish we could take that horrible day back..but we can't and life goes on...I miss you more than you know..well maybe you do know..because I know you miss us too..the kids would have loved you so and you would have had another to call "tootsie" first it was me,,,then my daughter Jeanell and probably her daughter Dellaney would have been your new "tootsie"! I don't make apple pie and do all the things you did as the perfect grandmom...but I listen when they talk...I wipe their tears when they cry and have plenty of hugs and kisses for them..I teach them everyday..I read to them..I say prayers at night with them..I can only hope to be half the grandmom you were...we love you MOMMOM and will never ever forget you...HAPPY 97TH BIRTHDAY MOMMOM...PARTY HARDY IN HEAVEN!!! LOVE FROM ALL OF US!!! ME(BRENDA)...ROBERT, DAVINA, CLIFTON, JEANELL, SHAI'ANA, GABRIELLA, DALLAS, DAVION, DELLANEY, BRAYDEN AND JOLIE....

MY SALES ON BONANZLE..

2009-07-10T15:06:00.000-07:00

I came to Bonanzle in a weird way..I found someones store on ebay just looking around...she had a lot of 100 pair of earrings for sale and I was interested in them...I messaged her and she told me that she also had them for sale in her booth on Bonanzle...well I'm like what the heck is a Bonanzle?? so she gave some info and within a few days I took the leap...It was easy which was a turn on to me..cause I am so not computer savvy . I still maintain a small store on Ebay but have taken 3/4 of my inventory off of there..I was paying more a month than I was making...I will eventually leave Ebay..I'm doing okay on Bonanzle...would really like to make a killing one day...I have sold 102 things since November of 08...took me way longer than that on Ebay..and cost lots more..I like the interaction with people on Bonanzle..you can go to the forums and chat back and forth..you can quick text them if they are on line at the time they can answer immediatley...you can trade your items with them ..there are auctions..there are fund raisers...there are prayers for the ones that lost someone...you name it..its there like a best friend..Can't tell you the friends I have made on there...I may not personally know them but I consider them my friends...Lots of sales going on right now...Christmas in July in over I think 150 booths...Sunday the 12th there will be a Bonanzle Bonanza Block Party for the whole day..if you're in the need for something write it down and come find it at a great price...You will love it....come meet your future friends...

Cathy died yesterday...

2009-07-09T17:46:00.000-07:00

The friend that I wrote about the other day has died...I hate when people say its probably for the best but in this case its probably for the best..her life was over anyway...she was either going to have to spend the rest of her life in rehabilation or in prison...I am so sorry to the family and for the family... she had 6 grandchildren and as far as I know 2 of them were living with Cathy and her husband Joe because their mother had overdosed on drugs years before and they took them in....Now Cathy and Joe are both gone..Can only wonder what the kids are going through right now..I mourn the loss of a friend I hadn't seen in at least 40 years and yet I still feel like a friend..does that somehow not go away....Debbie emailed me and the first words were...Cathy died yesterday...I cried right away and emailed a few of those that would be interested....then Deb went on to talk about her arthritis...something we both have in common...painful yet glad to be alive to feel at all!!! I didn't talk about this on Bonanzle..I thought it too dramatic for the forum..so I tell it here to those that read my stuff......good night...

TODAY IS MY BABY'S BIRTHDAY

2009-07-09T17:37:00.000-07:00

My baby being my youngest child, Jeanell..she is 29 years old today..its also one of my dearest friends birthday ..Happy Birthday to both...Where in the world did the time go..It truly went by so fast...I wish her all the happiness that life has to offer...she works hard and deserves the best...Hope I'm around to celebrate lots more birthdays with her....

Must have been at the end of her rope

2009-07-07T07:45:00.000-07:00

I received a card in the mail today..I had just assumed it was a thank you card or an invitation of some sort..I opened it without even noticing the return address..I read it..it was from an old high school friend of mine letting me know of a tragedy that another friend of ours was involved in..she told me to google it or to go to the local newspaper on line and look for the article..I grew up in the suburbs of Philly...
It was the tragic story of how my old friend had shot her husband to death in the driveway of their home last friday and how she also shot herself in the head...story says they had been estranged for awhile now after 37 years of marriage and apparently she couldn't or wouldn't live without him..she bought a 38 revolver and they were sitting in their gray pickup in their driveway ready to go to dinner (amicable separation)...she lost it and she shot them both..she is sill alive in a local hospital..they had to remove a bullet from her head...her mom is in a nursing home and they aren't telling her...I haven't seen this friend in 40 years or so...we used to hang together all the time...me ,her and debbie (the one that notified me)..we used to play softball in the summer..I have stone granuales in my knee to prove it...lol...
I am sick to my stomach over this and even threw up yesterday...I am sorry for the death of her husband and can't help wonder what dark dark place she must have been in to do such a horrible thing...I know they have a 28 year old son..not sure if there are more children or not..can't help wonder what happens to her now...rehab I guess for recovery from a bullet to the head...then off to prison I would assume..either way I would say life is over for her....
I woke up this morning with a new perspective.. althought my arthritis is hurting me real bad today..I am thankful to have woken up and to be able to even feel the pain..I woke up to two of the cutest faces ever looking at me saying "Good morning , grandmom"..and I am so grateful for my life...oh I get down at times..but all in all God has been Good to us..I thank him each and every day for my life and hope I get 56 more years out of this journey...

I love them ....I do...

2009-06-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

With all of my heart I love them...but can't have them stay too long...It starts depressing me after awhile...people moving back in...by people I mean one of the kids coming back home. Honest to God they've all done it at least twice...I don't like most of their living habits..nothing like mine at all...scary...I raised them and yet each one is totally different in the way they live...shouldn't their be some similarities....maybe not between me and them but between at least two of them...their are four...2 boys and 2 girls...None of them is as organized as I am..or as tidy...I'm not anal about cleanliness but I do like the place clean and as organized as possible under any set of circumstances..I don't think I ask too much..just keep momma happy..!!
I have simple rules for the most part..common sense really...Put the trash in the trash can..put the dirty clothes in the hamper and pick up after youself...SIMPLE??? I thought so...I mean they can live however they want in their own places but when you're at my place or coming back to stay for a minute ( by minute I mean hopefully not too long) then pick up after your kids..why should I with my crippled ass have to do it...and for me to do it means getting on the floor with my hand vac and cleaning that way....not so easy to do..geting up is even worse...just have some compassion and respect....
I don't have a problem with the "empty nest" thing..I love the nest empty..none of them are far away..the furtherest one is like maybe at the most 15 miles away..The oldest is still at home but he has no children and for the most part helps me out a bit....I'm lucky and blessed in that I didn't go through menopause either..well I guess I went through it..but no hot flashes or night sweats or attitude problems or depression ....nothing...just no period anymore...oh yeah..thats a best point for me...I don't mind growing old..I just don't like being closer to death..I have lots to see yet..And with that I close this session. I feel better now..Today is Dellaneys birthday(June 27) she is 4 today...Happy Birthday baby girl...!!!grandmom loves you with all of her heart!!You're a princess!!!

It Hurts in the pit of my stomach..

2009-06-24T01:18:00.000-07:00

My youngest daughter has been with this guy for 10 years now..they did break up for about 3 years for a period...so anyway he buys an engagement ring and asks her officially to marry him in May of this year..she said yes and immedialtely begins planning her wedding...He had asked her before but she never really said yes or no one way or another..she never wanted the duty of planning a wedding...although shes the one in the family that plans Christmas , Easter, and Halloween for the family..its sort of "her thing"..but she didn't want the task of planning hers or anyone else's wedding....
So 2 of her bridesmaids have their gowns...the invitaions have been bought...the hall has been reserved...20 disposable cameras have been purchased to be placed on the reception tables for the guests to take picures and leave the camera behind for the bride and groom to develop and have slews of pictures that would have been otherwise missed... the mother of the brides(me) outfit and shoes have been bought .....but now the invitaions will be used for scrap cards...the 2 bridesmaids gowns will be put up for sale on Bonanzle....the mother of the bride will keep her outfit for some future function.....the cameras I already have for sale on Bonanzle and we will be calling the hall to see if some of the money can be refunded....
She says she feels like a fool and is embarrased that shes calling the wedding off...shes known all along that he was a jerk...he makes good money ...but lacks in fathering skills and man skills...(they have 2 children together...a boy age 5 and a princess age 4 in a few days...)
I'm so glad this is over...I did give my blessings for this wedding only because I thought she really wanted it ....but they've had trouble since they got back together about 2 years ago...hes wishy washy and I'm not saying she's the easiest person to live with but shes an excellent mother and has never done him wrong.......
He works for the sheriffs department and he ego trips...because he has a gun and a badge he thinks hes King of the world...he has no personality and no sense of humor..to see him smile is a miracle...so I really never thought he liked himself...I love him don't get me wrong...but hes a jerk and he lies...
I know shes hurting right now but she will bounce back...the straw that broke the camels back was this past weekend when he went missing...her and I and about 20 other people were worried about him and had a missing persons report on him..hes a diabetic and we didnt think he had his medication....he left all weekend(fahers day weekend) and never called to let her know he was okay(they live together) or where he was...she had fathers day plans for them....Monday morning I called his supervisor(whom by the way was on the hunt for him with us during his dissapearance ...so knew what we went through and how upset we were not knowing where he was.).and I asked him if Mr X had reported to work and as luck would have it he did...that was it..she thanked God for his being alive and the fact that she didn't have to have "that conversation" wih her children and she started packing and calling the wedding off ...again...she called it off a few weeks ago but he wormed his way back...I'm confident that won't happen again...so for now her and the children are here with me (and the dog)....and I'm happy to have them (hopefully not for too long)...she is looking for a place...It hurts in the pit of my stomach because I've been hurt before and I'm feeling for her...but I seeing a weight lifted off of her...and she'll be fine....what a way to get rid of 220 pounds and 6 feet 5 inches worth of crap....

In Honor of My Father...Joe

2009-06-20T23:19:00.000-07:00

I think of my father often...my mind is on home especially today...Fathers Day 2009..My father paseed away on March 16. 1989....He was way too young..only 60...He died of lung cancer...I miss my father and I cry for him from time to time..I miss grandmom too...she died at 90 in July of 2002..she fell on the bathroom floor and 13 days later she passed away...

If my father were here today he would be old...but I would like to have taken him to lunch..Him and I did lunch a lot...He always wanted to talk about insurance...did I have enough and told me of his for when he passed away...I didn' like talking about insurance but he wanted me to understand the importance..I did then and I still do..I make sure I have insurance for everything...when he did pass away I felt grateful even more for those lunches...I was the executrix and I had no problem with handling his business.I was able to concentrate on what I needed to focus on ..getting my father taken care of for his final resting place ..I do the same thing wih my kids now..talk to them about insurance and they do the same thing that I did 'OH mom, do we really have to talk about this,,you ain't going nowhere...." poor babies..they really believe that...God love 'em!!!

I'm way to young to have one of these!!!

2009-06-07T13:18:00.000-07:00

Today is my oldest grandchilds 15th birthday..I'm not going to say it seems like only yesterday that she was born but it doesn't seem like 15 years!! She's a good girl and very pretty..at that age of boys...shes discovered them ..I'm trying to instill some of my knowledge on her..hopefully she will hear me and take heed...I told her its fine to feel ga ga over a boy ...jus not to let it interfere with her school work....nothing can come between you and your schoolwork I told her!!!I told her mom the same thing about 16 years or so ago...did no good..in one ear and out of the other...Only time will tell..I will keep my eyes on her and give her guidance every step of he way..I have big plans for her and she knows it...shes the oldest of seven grandchildren...her sister who is 6 is next in line..so heres an 8 year age gap beween the oldest and the second oldest...She has the weight of the world on her shoulders...not only is she he oldest of her mothers children but the role model for 6 babies under her...I will keep you posted on the developements as time marches on....Love you Shai!!Happy Birthday !!